On ''Survivor,'' although Jonathan is reviled by both sides, his former tribemates can't get him voted off; instead, Candice gets exiled twice

By Dalton Ross
Updated December 01, 2006 at 05:00 AM EST

Survivor: Cook Islands

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”Survivor”: Everybody hates Jonathan

Filthy. Miserable. Vile. A rat. Sucks in life. An obnoxious force. Just a few of the choice words used to describe Jonathan in this last episode of Survivor. You know, there have been a lot of ”villains” on Survivor, but I can’t think of one who has been more universally disliked than the actor-writer. Everyone on the show talks smack about him, and everyone who comes through months later on Survivor Live remains none too kind whenever his name pops up.

Does Jonathan seem annoying? Well, judging by his pepperoni pizza belches, yes. But are the former Raro members going overboard in their hatred of him? Absolutely. They didn’t seem to hate him so much when he was on their side. And I didn’t hear them complaining about him making it further in the game than more deserving players back then either. If they were so concerned with integrity, why didn’t they vote for him instead of Yul at the last tribal council? We have now watched Team Whitey implode before our very eyes, with words being exchanged back and forth and Candice then being sent home. (How relieved are the producers that their ”race war” edition didn’t end up with an all-white final four?)

Personally I thought the Raro trio of Adam, Candice, and Parvati were acting like a bunch of big babies. Now, suddenly out of power, they resorted to bitching at someone for flipping sides, even though they didn’t seem to have a problem with it when he flipped before to their team. They also continued to do absolutely nothing around camp except engage in a skeezy threesome in their shelter. By the way, are there any women on this show that Candice has not kissed? Just checking. But perhaps the most classless move of all was threatening Yul to not vote for him should he make the final two unless he agreed to vote out Jonathan first. Maybe it was just an empty threat that they didn’t really mean but hoped would buy them an extra week, but should Yul make the final two, and should they not vote for him because he did what any other smart player in his position would do, then they are even more petty and childish than they appear now. (And it could make for the most emotionally blind jury since All-Stars.)

But these aren’t exactly educated Survivor contestants. Exhibit A on that would be the reward challenge. If you are down in numbers and Jeff Probst holds up an item for auction and explains that it will give you ”power in this game,” how do you not bid every single dollar you have for it? Becky and Yul combined for $640 to win said power (which allowed her to send someone to Exile Island and take all of his or her money), and Adam and Candice inexplicably declined to top it. What the hell are they thinking? Maybe they were too busy hoping Parvati would invite them both to join her in the bath. (Actually, I can’t blame them too much for getting distracted, seeing as later I spent a good five minutes wondering what Probst did with that $20 tip. I’m guessing it went into the new-hat fund.)

All the anger and resentment back at camp made for a volatile tribal council. Lots of shouting back and forth, with Yul even catching some heat when Parvati referred to him as ”the puppet master” (just a few days after she insisted that ”smart is sexy”). It was a great tribal council all around, including lots of shots of Nate pumping his fist in celebration of all the Jonathan bashing. True, I could have done without the extended remix make-out session between Adam and Candice, but then we wouldn’t have been treated to an instantly classic Probst send-off when he told Candice, ”A kiss is nice. Maybe if it were love, he’d be giving you the immunity necklace.” (Ouch.)

This would usually be where I would gloat about my preseason pick, Yul, making it one step closer to the million bucks, but I found myself slightly annoyed at the Asian Sensation during his strategy conversation with Becky. He kept talking about how maybe he should vote Jonathan out because it would help him in the final two, in that ”I’ll have victory votes on the jury. Or at least I won’t have them hating me, so that they vote against whoever I go up with.” Uhhhhhh, couldn’t that be Becky? Why would she want to help you beat someone in the final two if that someone is her? Seems like the puppet master may have broken a string on that one.

What do you think? Should Yul have voted out Jonathan? Are the Raro members acting like big babies? And where exactly is that $20 tip?

Survivor: Cook Islands

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