Hannah returns to heaven, and Rowena's introduction reveals a shocking family connection.

By Samantha Highfill
Updated March 31, 2015 at 02:50 PM EDT
Katie Yu/The CW

Stop everything you’re doing right now because the King of Hell’s mother just arrived. His mother. After months of speculation about Rowena, the witch has arrived, and unlike some people suspected, she’s not Crowley’s wife. Honestly, this took me back to the moment Olivia Pope said “Dad” in the Scandal finale. It was that good. Plus, the fact that it came at the end of an episode that was equal parts funny and dramatic only made it better. Ten seasons in and this show keeps proving week after week that it’s still got it.

We start things off this week with a hooker running from a pimp—a sentence I don’t get to write very often. But after said hooker stabs her pimp in the eye with her heel and he doesn’t die—again, what am I writing?—we get our first taste of what’s to come from Raul. Cut to Sam and Dean enjoying a decent steak for less than $10 when Dean’s phone starts blowing up with “alert thingys for monster stuff.” And by that, he means his dating app is attracting all the ladies. How could he not with a screen name like Impala67, right? Okay, here’s where my journalism degree comes into play. I paused the episode to make sure I got all the details on Dean’s dating profile. I know, I know. You’re welcome.

Here’s the rundown: Dean is 35 years old from Lebanon, Kansas. He’s seeking women and has never been married. Yes, we knew all that before, but what’s really great is the fact that some fans will recognize the last part of Dean’s profile. Jensen Ackles was once asked what Dean’s dating profile would say at a Supernatural fan convention, and the writers decided to use his response as Dean’s actual tag line. It was cut off on the screen, but it essentially reads: “Rolling through town; no strings attached.”

Then again, I don’t know what’s better: Dean’s profile or Sam reading Dean’s raunchy conversation with Shaylene. Regardless, just as Sam starts to educate Dean on the definition of “catfishing,” Shaylene shows up with enough cleavage to prove she’s the real deal. Correction: She’s less of the real deal and more of a hooker. Too bad Dean has a strict “No cash for ass” code.

But wait, so does Shaylene. Instead, she asks Dean for his soul in exchange for sex. (Honestly, how many men agree to this? Actually I don’t want to know.) Either way, you can probably guess what happens next: Within minutes, Sam and Dean have trapped the demon pimp—let me repeat, “demon pimp”—in a motel room. But when Mr. Demon Pimp—his official name—starts mouthing off to the hooker, whom he had abducted and forced into prostitution, things get out of hand. After this amazing line—”Demon from Hell beats trash from the street”—the hooker grabs the angel blade from Dean and kills the pimp. As Dean puts it, “Well, that just happened.”

Across town, we’re introduced to Raul’s Girls, the brothel at the center of this entire debacle. And when a red-haired Scottish woman enters the room, it’s evident that Rowena is ready to make her grand entrance. And so she does, by forcing Raul to puke himself to death and saving two hookers from a life of unhappiness and STDs. However, once Rowena gets the two hookers alone in a fancy restaurant, it’s evident she wants more from them. Let’s just say Rowena is looking for some new witches. According to her, there’s something called a grand coven, which decrees that there are three types of witches: borrowers, naturals, and students. Because Rowena is a natural, she can technically mentor students, but according to Rowena, she isn’t exactly grand coven-approved, which probably has to do with the fact that all of her spells end with dead humans.

NEXT: Oh, hey Cole

By the time Rowena and her hookers leave the restaurant, Sam and Dean have figured out who she is, along with the fact that she’s more than 300 years old. They track her down, only to have Rowena turn one of the hookers into an attack dog—she literally uses an attack dog spell—and then, just to prove he has the worst timing ever, Cole decides to make his heroic return just as Dean gets a gun on Rowena. And thanks to the arrival of the little hunter that could, Rowena gets away just in time for poor Cole to realize that he’s still behind the times. After weeks of preparing to take down Demon Dean, he’s faced with Dean 1.0, the human model.

So while Sam holds off the hooker attack dog, Dean once again tosses Cole around before finally giving him some answers about what happened to his father. According to Dean, Cole’s father was a monster who was going around killing people for their livers. What kind of monster is that? Dean doesn’t know. He’s never seen one again—which means this might make for some good spin-off material, no? Or perhaps it’ll come into play later on in the season?

Regardless, Dean assures Cole that he killed his father to save lives. Then, as Sam comes back around to hear, Dean tells Cole that he’s past saving. Dean knows how his story ends—at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun. The only question is: Is it gonna be today? Spoiler: No. Instead, Cole returns home to his family and Sam continues to worry about his own brother. What was Dean’s comment about being past saving? According to Dean, he was just telling Cole what he needed to hear, but based on Sam’s worried face, he’s not quite convinced.

And let’s not forget about our angel drama this week, in which Cas and Hannah’s sexual tension comes to a boiling point when Hannah strips down right in front of him and then comes face-to-face with her vessel’s husband. Everyone, meet Joe, Caroline’s husband. (Caroline is Hannah’s vessel.) Joe is a stubborn man who loves his wife, so in order to get him to leave, Hannah tells him she’s with Castiel. And then Cas and Hannah kiss! Only, it has the opposite effect than what you were probably hoping. Hannah decides she’s done putting her mission as an angel before the needs of humans. These human feelings belong to Caroline, not Hannah, and because of that, Hannah goes back to heaven and leaves Caroline to return to her husband. The bigger twist? Hannah’s decision forces Cas to google Jimmy Novak, his vessel. DON’T DO IT, CAS.

The only other important bit: Crowley’s demons capture Rowena, which of course, leads to the family reunion I cannot get over.

All in all, what started out as a fun hour ended with some tears and a gasp-worthy twist that will surely change the course of the season, particularly for Crowley. Once again, the Winchester brothers have slayed the week. Now I just want to know what this grand coven looks like. Also, if there’s something called an “attack dog” spell, there’s no telling what else is out there, but I cannot wait to find out.

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