The Shameless shameless rankings: Fiona and Frank face off on Election Day
Shameless turned 100 with their latest episode, and they celebrated like only they could, by trying to buy children, engaging in a duel, and having an election somehow wilder than any other before it.
All that makes for an extra shameless Shameless shameless rankings, so grab a beer, bail your sibling out of prison, and find out how shameless your favorite Gallagher was this week.
Last week, it was revealed that the downfall of Mo’s political career was his relationship with a 15-year-old girl, and with his secret out, you’d think he’d be in damage control mode. Nope! Instead, he’s bringing his pedophile behavior into the open, watching school girls wait for the bus, chatting up a few not legal-aged voters, and going to lick his wounds at Chuck E. Cheese’s. And still, he manages to get elected, which isn’t as surprising as it would have been a few years ago.
If you’re a pedophile or trying to get a pedophile elected into office, then you belong at the top of the shameless rankings. Frank is passed running Mo’s campaign just for the money, he’s hoping to win — or at least get to a runoff, so he recruits a fresh out of prison Mr. Milkovich to keep non-white voters away. The extra-shameless move results in an all-out brawl and a White victory.
How badly does Lip want Xan to stay in his life Pt. 2? A week after possibly killing a guy as a distraction to sneak Xan out of the hospital, Lip is offering Xan’s mom $10,000 to sign away her parental rights and grant him custody. She seems ready to take the deal until Xan sees her mom and they share an emotional embrace. This causes Lip to leave the money and Xan behind. He still has $2,000 left from selling his bike; I imagine he could probably buy at least baby for that much.
Carl needs to get his “homicidal mojo back” in time for a scheduled showdown with the kid whose West Point recommendation he stole via V’s S&M skills. The most anticipated duel since Hamilton gets underway, but they both throw away their shot, not firing at each other. This causes the other kid to shoot himself in the leg because he doesn’t even want to go to West Point; he’d rather be a poet. But, unfortunately for him, the bullet is only a flesh wound, so he asks Carl to put another bullet in him. Carl initially refuses, finally going through with it, but mostly so the kid would stop reciting poetry. It worked; he stopped and Carl got his homicidal swagger back.
On the eve of Election Day, Fiona suddenly decides to get political, backing Ruiz for selfish purposes (he’s against rent control). And Fiona’s idea of campaigning for a candidate means bribing the Patsy customers and employees with free nachos and coming in late for work. After a tough talk from V and throwing a punch in the political brawl, Fiona lets her conscience get the best of her and votes for the female candidate who happens to be pro-rent control.
Liam continues his cheating ways in order to ensure his protection at school, but he might need an older bodyguard soon since he’s being moved up a few grades. Too bad for his sake that he can’t be homeschooled and follow in the illustrious footsteps of Leonardo Da Vinci, Abraham Lincoln, and Justin Bieber.
The honeymoon ends quickly for Debbie and her girlfriend Alex. After briefly moving in together, Alex asks Debbie to leave when it becomes clear that Debbie hates men more than she loves women. It looks like Gay Jesus was right.
8. Kev and V
Kevin’s work to keep the bar a “Vagina Safe Zone” isn’t done. Before he invites the reporter who originally deemed the bar the “most rapey” in Chicago, he questions the regulars on their past sexual behavior. The discussion becomes all too real when Kev and V separate the actions into different categories named for both convicted and alleged celebrity sexual offenders (Harvey Weinstein, Kobe Bryant, Woody Allen, Louis C.K., Aziz Ansari, John Lasseter, and Bill Cosby). The Alibi’s newfound success as a safe haven for women has caught the eye of other bar owners who want to hire the couple to do the same for their establishments. Look how far they’ve come from their topless maid service.
Ian’s internal conflict over the Gay Jesus movement and his case continue, and that means that his stay at the bottom of the rankings continues. I respect this storyline and his emotional struggle, but I also wouldn’t mind seeing him get a little shameless. I mean, where is Mickey when we need him?!
For more on Shameless, go here to read the cast discuss the show’s origins, wildest scenes, and future without Emmy Rossum.