Hide your wallets and meth, because the Gallaghers are back! After seven seasons of drug trafficking, aiding escaped felons, and stealing babies, America’s favorite family of lovable degenerates return to commit a whole new set of crimes. And in case you forgot where Shameless left things, we get rudely caught up courtesy of the “previously on” segment, which is the only time I’m okay with being cussed out by TV characters.
Only Shameless would start a season with a dildo. “Nope,” declares Fiona as she stares down this blue creature. “I just really can’t do this anymore.” She might not be into it, but the adventurous fella in possession of the toy requests she at least help him finish. Fiona does help him — by throwing him some lotion on her way out.
It’s the crack of dawn when she returns home, but the whole house is already up thanks to Carl’s 5:30 a.m. alarm, which ensures that he won’t “get soft over summer.” How quickly he’s gone from dedicated drug smuggler to dedicated soldier. The two oldest Gallaghers chit-chat on the porch, with Fiona, a.k.a. “alley cat,” telling Lip that she’s over “sex with anonymous men chosen for their abdominal fitness.” I bet there are a few guys at the Alibi who would be interested to hear about this development. Meanwhile, Lip is craving a drink, so he’s going to do the seven-mile run to work. Maybe I should try that anytime I’m craving pizza; it might help me become a man known for his abdominal fitness!
Inside, Carl is making breakfast and teaching Liam the “warrior way.” While Carl has clearly bought in on making America great again, he’s also still working on selling the meth Monica left for them. “The most American thing is free enterprise,” he tells an unhappy Fiona. All little Liam wants to know is “Where’s my meth?” He doesn’t get any, which he’ll really be bummed about when he sees the new hot tub Carl bought. On the plus side for Liam, private school is basically just all-day recess, as he’s constantly being pulled from class and sent to the playground so he can be shown off to prospective parents as a sign of the school’s diversity.
The only Gallagher not living at home is hard at work. Debbie, with Franny in tow, has landed a day job at a parking garage, where she encounters some nasty customers, including one angry man who threatens her over a lost ticket. She scares him off with a warning of Tasing and superglued-shut eyes. After work, Debbie runs home, gives Franny to Neal, changes clothes, makes Neal a Hot Pocket, and runs out the door for night school. Hurricane Debbie is in and out in a flash, leaving Neal shell-shocked. While he’s stuck babysitting, Debbie goes for post-class drinks and gets hit on by a beauty school guy, who wants to cut off a sample of her hair. Serial killer alert!
Our last Gallagher child to catch up with is Ian. He’s still trying to win back Trevor, so he convinces his partner to stop by the youth center, because just like Trick Daddy, Ian love the kids. He’s really banking on handing out condoms to at-risk teens being the key to Trevor’s heart. So far, it’s not working.
Lip has landed a job at the auto shop where his new friend/AA sponsor Brad works. “I wouldn’t,” Brad tells him when Lip stares at an intimidating, tattooed female coworker named Eddie. Twenty bucks says Lip and Eddie hook up. Later at Fiona’s diner, Brad has more lady advice for his pupil: Don’t get back with Sierra, at least not yet. As this counseling session is going on, ICE storms the restaurant, arresting many of the cooks and busboys. This puts Lip on dish duty, which leads to him overhearing that Sierra can’t pay her electric bill and her babysitter canceled. No problem — Lip is down to watch Lucas, even after learning that she needs the sitter for a date with her ex, Charlie.
Now, let’s see where the Gallagher patriarch has been hiding. And of all the places you could have guessed, a monastery would seem to be the last place to find Frank. Praying in front of a Monica shrine, he’s looking worse than ever, which is really saying something. It might have something to do with his empty bag of meth. Upon completing his “mourning” period, Frank returns home and begins preaching “acceptance, resurrection, and enlightenment” to Carl. Somebody drank the Kool-Aid. Or maybe it’s because Frank admits he smoked half his bag of meth, giving away the rest to “the needy.” “Nasty side effects, though,” he opines as he pulls out one of his teeth. Then, Carl’s hot tub arrives, prompting Frank to ask, “You used your mother’s inheritance to buy that?” When Carl tells his dad that he did, Frank proudly responds, “She’d love it, son.” (Recap continues on page 2)