Lip desperately tries to keep his professor out of prison
Episode 807
Credit: Chuck Hodes/SHOWTIME
Episode 803

Is it just me or is it a huge bummer when the Gallagher siblings fight with each other? I have six siblings, so believe me, I get that brothers and sisters argue, but Shameless‘ sibling arguments make me sadder than my own. We need Fiona and Ian and everyone else scheming together, not battling!

After Fiona successfully blocked the Youth Center from getting the church last week, it’s war in the Gallagher household. Fiona gets an early morning wake-up call via an involuntary Ice Bucket Challenge, courtesy of Ian. “What the f—?” she screams, acknowledging that this has been an ongoing morning routine. “She survived prison” is Carl’s excuse for not intervening, while Frank agrees that sibling rivalries need to be handled between the siblings. The kitchen clears out when an almost-naked Brad walks in and subsequently falls to the floor crying. “Get it together, loser,” declares Debbie. Lip soon discovers his off-the-wagon sponsor and makes him get dressed, as they’re due in court.

Meanwhile, next door, Kevin is so determined to learn how to dominate V in bed that he’s watching dominatrix videos, opining, “It looks painful.” The girls are nearby, but don’t worry, because he’s got the volume on mute, so it’s not weird!

Youens is a no-show at Patsy’s, which isn’t ideal since he’s the one they’re going to court for. Lip has a brief exchange with Sierra, who is dealing with something “f—ed up” (let’s note that for future eps), and then tracks Youens to his house, where the professor is lying on the floor in his own vomit. Not ideal for the morning of his DUI trial. Attempts to clean him up in the shower instead end with Brad now also having Youens’ vomit on him. Wrangling those two is no easy task for Lip, who agrees to stop by Brad’s house so the recovering alcoholic can at least wish his angered wife a happy birthday, even if he has to stay in the car.

Frank is officially back on the job hunt, and for a man with only weeks of work experience, you’ve got to respect his confidence. Someone has been watching too many movies — during his first interview, he slides over a small piece of paper with his salary demands written on it. Unfortunately for Frank, there are a few problems: The interviewer doesn’t even make that much, and there are no management positions available, just a minimum wage overnight shift. “Offer declined,” proclaims the former employee of the month. “This collar is white; I’ll take my talents elsewhere.” At least he tries to, but his next interview doesn’t go any better when he’s told, “I’m afraid with your résumé, all I can show you is the door.” That’s cold blooded (she sure won’t be awarded nicest interviewer of the month anytime soon).

While his father may be struggling to find work, business is booming for Carl. He’s got a new group of basement rehab patients, including a rather feisty young lady named Cassidy who has another idea for how he can make the $3,527 he still needs for school: pretend to hold her for ransom. She’s very convincing; Carl agrees to the plan, but she’s the true visionary and really dives deep into character for the shoot.

With Mrs. Cardinal’s body and Hoarders-level junk all cleared out, Fiona and Nessa are preparing the now-vacant apartment for an open house, which means putting out lemons, a.k.a “hipster catnip,” and replacing the broken door. What probably won’t help Fiona rent out the unit is Ian egging the building and spray-painting some NSFW words on the sidewalk. “Forgiveness is not exactly a Gallagher trait,” shares Fiona. (I’d love to see a list of all the Gallagher traits.)

Fiona begins to yearn for the days of eggs and spray paint, as Ian was able to convince the owner of the lot next door to grant him temporary occupancy. And since the Youth Center kids don’t have a new place to live thanks to Fiona, he’s having them camp out there to protest her. The “Occupy Fiona” and “F— Fiona” chants start just as Trevor shows up; he’s not a huge fan of his kids being roped into this family drama.

Kevin has put in the study hours, so it’s time for him to put his domination skills to the test. V arrives home to her partner in an S&M outfit, ordering her to undress. She’s into it and gets on the bed, prepared for Kevin to spank her with a ping pong paddle, but he can’t go through with hurting her and ends up uttering their safe word, “French fry.” The second attempt proves not to be much of an improvement. First, he leaves a note saying, “Come upstairs please.” And while he’s acting tougher, he spills hot wax on himself, leading V to call the new safe word.

To replace Mrs. Cardinal’s old door, Nessa has sent an Irishman named Ford to help. One slight issue: He refuses to get rid of it. Instead, he’s going to fix it for free. V stops by, opining that Ford is “cute,” while Fiona insists he’s “weird.” Fifty bucks says they’re hooking up within two episodes. The sexual chemistry is interrupted by the fire department arriving after reports of fire code violations. Guess who they came from. “Game on, motherf—er,” Fiona yells outside to Ian. (Recap continues on page 2)

Youens’ trial has begun, and right off the bat, it’s not looking good. The old lady whose house he crashed through like the Kool-Aid Man is testifying with a neck brace. “I’m going to jail…for the rest of my life,” Youens whispers to Lip. Brad’s up next and he doesn’t exactly help the cause, since he somehow manages not to lie or tell the truth.

When court returns from break, Lip takes the stand and does his best to help his mentor. “I wouldn’t be alive without him,” he says, sharing how Youens paid for him to go to rehab. “Please give him the chance that he gave to me.” Lip might have really made a difference in the judge and jury’s decision, but we’ll never know, because Youens is clearly drunk when he attempts to testify.

Rule No. 1 of a protest: Don’t leave. Ian must have skipped that chapter of the protest handbook, as he heads off for work. Fiona takes this opportunity to bribe the kids to leave too with pizza and cash, and when they do so, she brings in workers to clear the lot. Later, Ian and Trevor return to find everything and everyone gone. “I just want this to be over,” Fiona tells her brother. “I don’t care anymore, I just want to fix this.” She’s not all talk, considering she found another possible building for them and got Margo to agree to hook them up. Trevor’s interested; Ian’s not. “What the f— is wrong with you?” asks Fiona, suggesting he’s off his meds. That doesn’t sit well with Ian, who responds, “I’m just f—ing angry,” as he storms off.

Oh yeah, we should probably check in with Debbie. Well, she almost lost her job over her recent no-show due to the fact that she was in prison (that would have been a waste of her one phone call). She’s allowed to stay but has to work on her attitude, which proves difficult when she comes across the aptly named Dr. Dick. After a few run-ins, including the jerk breaking the gate, Debbie uses her newly acquired welding skills to weld his sports car to a dumpster. While she knows this will get her fired, Debbie thinks it was worth it — and I agree.

Back at the Ball sex dungeon, Kevin finally learns the trick to unleashing his dominating side is being pissed about what V does wrong around the house. “You never buy stamps,” he yells as they have sex.

Frank’s rude awakening at the current career landscape sends him to the Alibi, seeking solace in his old friend — alcohol. “The system is f—ed,” he rants before he’s interrupted by an Iraq native who’s being deported and unsuccessfully attempted to flee to Canada. This gives Frank the entrepreneur an idea, which only gets more profitable when other patrons offer money in exchange for bringing them medicines from across the border. Decked out in full Canadian gear, Frank heads off for his inaugural run.

Carl’s ransom video has been sent, so it’s time for the drop. Cassidy’s dad leaves the money at the train station in a briefcase, which was totally unnecessary as it’s only one stack of cash. He follows Carl, demanding to know where his daughter is. Carl’s refusal to answer doesn’t bother him since he says she’s always doing this. Upon his return home, Carl tries to let her go, but Cassidy wants to stay. “This is like Stockholm syndrome, but only for real,” the rich girl declares, adding that she’s sick of parties on Diddy’s yacht (same!). If Carl wasn’t already inclined to keep her in the basement, then he definitely is after she goes down on him.

Predictably, Youens’ court performance landed him in prison. Lip pays his professor a visit and wants to know how you even get booze at a courthouse. “I’m a drunk, Lip,” Youens responds. “Drunks can always get booze.” This enrages Lip, who screams, “You don’t think I wanted a drink? I want a f—ing drink so f—ing bad I’m worried my head might explode.” Youens says he never asked for help, prompting Lip to ask, “Do you care about anything?” His mentor responds, “I chose booze a long time ago. You don’t like what you see, don’t look.” Lip might be hit hard by this, but in positive news, Jeremy Allen White continues to kill this arc.

Fiona isn’t the only one worried about Ian. He returns home to find Trevor waiting for him with news that he signed the lease on the other building and that he’s worried Ian isn’t taking care of himself. Like with Fiona, Ian’s not very receptive to the opinion. He’s equally standoffish when Fiona comes into his room later to once again try to make amends. “I want things to be okay between us,” she shares. According to him, things are okay, but he does make mention of “larger concerns to consider.” The combination of that comment and his chilly demeanor surely leaves Fiona and viewers concerned about his current state.

The most shameless character of the week: He may be a solider in training, but that hasn’t stopped Carl from selling crack and holding drug addicts against their will. And now he’s officially added a fake kidnapping to his résumé.

What did you think? Is the beginning of the end of good Frank? Are you worried about Ian?

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Episode 803
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