It’s official: Shameless has mastered the art of the “previously on” segment. I’ve always enjoyed being cursed out by the characters before the episode starts, but for some reason, Frank catching us up on what we may have missed while having sex with the mom from Liam’s school was next-level hilarious to me.
“Icarus Fell And Rusty Ate Him” doesn’t get off to the humorous start that the intro might suggest. Fiona’s venting to Nessa about her argument with Ian is interrupted by water coming through the floor of Mrs. Cardinal’s apartment. With no answer, Fiona lets herself in, stepping into an episode of Hoarders. She also discovers that Mrs. Cardinal actually has a real dog. Oh, and that dog happens to be eating Mrs. Cardinal’s very naked and very dead body. The dog then makes a run for it into the arms of Nessa, who doesn’t know about the whole “was just eating a dead body” thing. As the dog licks her face, Fiona tells her friend, “Ness, there’s something you should probably know about that dog.”
Back at the Gallagher household, Liam has joined his father in the working force. The youngest child has been hired by Carl to help with his basement rehab business. And Carl needs all the money he can get because the school isn’t helping with any of his expenses. Ian (kind of) jokingly offers $5,000 to kill Fiona. “Murder is a capital crime, Ian,” responds Carl. “I’d do it for 10.” Soldier. Drug Counselor. Paid Assassin. What can’t Carl Gallagher do?
It’s not all bad news in the mail; Frank has received an “invitation to the middle class” in the form of his first legit credit card. He’s also been named employee of the month at work. When you’re hot, you’re hot. Although, Liam rains on his parade on their walk to school when he asked his father if they’re poor. Frank says no, insisting the reason they don’t have a car is that they’re “dedicated to the survival of the planet.” “So we are poor,” retorts Liam, to which Frank replies, “Relatively, yes.”
Brad is still missing, so Lip has formed a search party. They’re not as funny as Alia Shawkat and company, but they’re quite an interesting crew, consisting of Lip, Youens, Eddie, and a bearded biker guy. Lip refuses to give up on his sponsor and forces Youens to come with him. Their first stop is Brad’s house to talk to his wife. She doesn’t want him back unless he’s sober. After using her phone to track him, they find Brad’s abandoned truck, which is full of doughnuts, hair extensions, and the arm from Chicago’s iconic Michael Jordan statue. Impressive drunk strength to be able to cut that off.
Despite their differences, Kevin, V, and Svetlana are officially a throuple, again. But Kevin is feeling a bit left out during sex. When his job is done, Svetlana pleasures V like Kevin has never seen. “She’s a woman, she knows a woman’s body,” V contends when Kevin expresses his disappointment. If that’s the case, then he suggests that maybe he should start hooking up with guys. “You’re not gay,” points out V. He fires back, “You don’t know that. I might be gay — part gay.” As he confuses gender-fluid with gender liquid, V tells him to go “suck a dick.” “Maybe I will,” he insists.
He wasn’t lying; Kevin is immediately on the hunt. During a stop at the diner, he spots Ian and begins probing him on how he knew he was gay. For Ian, it was Justin Timberlake (weird; I thought he might be more of a Joey Fatone guy). Ian leaves when a stranger pays for Kevin’s coffee and muffin. “Are you trying to f— me?” Kevin asks the guy. “Because it’s not a bad thing if you were.” The guy says he wasn’t, he just tries to do a good deed once a week. Kevin accepts that and starts to leave, but turns back after the guy tells him to “have a nice day.” “Is that code?” wonders Kevin, who then winks and says, “Have a nice day.” His confusion continues as he walks down the street and checks out every man in sight.
Time to check in on Debbie’s ecstasy-fueled road trip. She wakes up in a Missouri hotel room in bed with the beauty school fella. They didn’t use protection, which has Debbie convinced that she’s pregnant. “I can feel your sperm attacking my egg,” she tells him. With 67 hours to get a morning after pill, Shameless turns into 24 with a ticking clock counting down. And bad news, they also had sex a day or so earlier, dropping the clock to 39 hours.
You’d think 39 hours would be enough time to get one pill, but just like Jack Bauer, Debbie’s day won’t be easy (at least every person she ever loved probably won’t die). The first pharmacy is out of the pills and the second says you have to be 17 years old to buy one. Wait, Debbie still isn’t 17? I’ve officially lost track of the ages of the Gallagher kids. You could tell me that Liam was 23 and I’d believe it. Thankfully, Debbie finds a lady willing to buy the pill for her. Not thankfully, the lady tries to make a run for it with the money, prompting Debbie to lay the smackdown.
Frank isn’t wasting anytime putting his new credit card to work. What did he buy? Christmas gifts? More crack? Nope, a car. He surprises Liam, taking his son for a cruise to pick up some hoes. And shockingly, he wasn’t talking about women, but Ho Hos. Maybe Frank really is a changed man — or he’s just hungry. (Recap continues on page 2)