Nooks and Fannies is up and running; Fiona really lays down the law
Credit: Chuck Hodes/Showtime
Episode 803
S7 E3
  • TV Show
  • Showtime

WHEW! Episode 3 was jam-packed with lots of new Gallagher insanity, including Frank somehow starting his own homeless shelter, Lip taking charge of the “piss bags” at his internship, and almost everyone calling Fiona for help. Plus, we met a new character from the Svetlana family tree, and Kevin’s topless maid service is already up and running… sort of. Let’s discuss “Home Sweet Homeless Shelter.”

Nooks and Fannies is a go

We’ll start with Kevin, V, and Svetlana. Between the last episode and this one, Kevin already has his topless maid service “Nooks and Fannies” off the ground, complete with full branding and detailed van art. He’s installed baby seats in the back and has business cards. The only issue so far is — who will take care of the bar or the kids while at least two of them are on the road?

ENTER: Svetlana’s dad. We’re not sure how or why he’s made his way to Chicago just yet, but he’s made his presence known by having an all-out sidewalk brawl with his daughter. Once they finally stopped punching each other, Svetlana explains to V and Kev that her father will be staying with them while he’s there. V isn’t too thrilled with the idea, 1. because he’s pretty scary, and 2. Svetlana’s dad sold her into sex slavery, so V isn’t exactly dying to leave the man with her children. Svetlana makes the point that her father can take care of the bar when they’re all out “cleaning” (he conveniently owned a bar in Russia and obviously taught Svetlana everything she knows) and V and Kev seem to be okay with this idea.

While V, Kev, and Svetlana are out on their first cleaning appointment, Kevin is approached by a neighbor, who wants the graphically painted van moved away from their house before his wife sees it. The neighbor pays Kev way more money to move the van than they were even making on the appointment, so Kevin decides he’ll just park the van in nice neighborhoods and wait for people to pay him to move. No Fannies necessary.

The New Gallaghers

Frank and his lady friend “Dollface” are sleeping on a cot in a homeless shelter, when they’re informed that they’ll have to evacuate in the next week because the building is being converted into a Container Store. In an effort to grasp a second attempt at fatherhood, Frank decides to recreate his family with all new players – new Debbie, New Ian, New Lip, and so on from kids he’s found in the shelter. Dollface becomes his new Monica.

His first attempt at being the “Patriarch of this family” is to find a place for them to go, which ­­he decides should be Kevin’s apartment above The Alibi. He stops by The Alibi to get the keys from the new bartender, Svetlana’s dad. As promised, Svetlana’s dad isn’t into taking any s—, and immediately throws Frank and the new Gallaghers out on the curb.

The next stop on Frank’s list is to “provide” food for his family, so they stop at Patsy’s Pies, where after some hemming and hawing, Fiona throws them out on the curb as well. Finally, Frank commandeers an open house that’s being shown by a realtor named Sylvie. He claims he’s contacted the owner and is legally able to stay there. He then invites not only his new “Gallaghers”, but also every other person he could find at the homeless shelter they left. When Sylvie comes back with the cops to prove there are at least 50 people squatting there illegally, the cops claim it’s an issue for the courts and his word against hers.

Frank eventually finds a church and nuns willing to provide them with food, and officially turns the house into “The Gallagher Home for the Homeless,” with a sign and all.

If nothing else, Frank never ceases to reinvent himself, in one way or another.

NEXT: Everybody needs Fiona

Fiona’s Final Straw

As they both return home, giddy from their respective hookups one night, Lip unintentionally insults Fiona and dismisses her job as “not real,” in comparison to his own long-term career goals. Fiona holds on to this comment, and much of this episode chronicles Fiona’s realization that if she ever wants to have her own life, she can’t continue to be everyone’s mother.

First, Fiona goes to work and begins cutting costs, as she was asked to do. She’s quickly interrupted by a call from Ian’s boss, asking her to pick him up for some inappropriate behavior at work (more on that later). She returns to Patsy’s to see that leaving Sierra in charge wasn’t exactly the right move — the kitchen was on fire, the customers were angry, and Melinda was taking a smoke break watching the whole place go up in flames.

Chad, owner/general manager(?) of Patsy’s appears almost out of nowhere, looking for answers from Fiona as to why everything was a total s— show. He tells that her his boss Margo, the same woman she met last week trying to get out of her manager position, is a high school drop out and he hates taking orders from her, so Fiona needs to get it together or they’re closing Patsy’s. Almost immediately following this lecture, Fiona gets a call from Debbie. Debbie is about to be arrested for shoplifting (more on that later), so Fiona leaves Patsy’s again, to put out this fire.

That evening Fiona takes the time to Google Margo, and learns that she’s worth $300 Million and, Chad was correct, never graduated high school. Fiona is more than a little inspired by the “high school drop out/boss bitch” scenario she sees in front of her.


Then, she tells each of them to put her at the bottom of their emergency contact list, “because I have a plan for my life, and I can’t do that when I’m getting a call every five minutes from one of you.”

Finally, she turns to Lip and says, “I’m just as likely as anyone else in this family to make something of myself, and it’s about time you got that, you arrogant s—.”

(Internally screaming about Fiona’s badassery, YOU GO GIRL!) We’ll see how long this lasts?

NEXT: All in a hard day’s work

What the rest of the Gallaghers were up to

Ian made a bad call at work. Post-breakup he’s bordering on manic, though he won’t admit it. He’s up cooking eggs in the middle of the night, he’s at work early cleaning for no reason, he’s driving like a lunatic. Then, when he and his partner get a call about a schizophrenic woman, he thinks that he has a better handle on the situation than anyone else, and for a minute he actually does. However, while they are driving the woman to the ER, he trusts her too much and releases her hand restraints, and she immediately unbuckles her self and bolts out of the back of the ambulance into oncoming traffic.

Rita comes to scold Ian about what a bad call this was, and prove to him that he needs to take a week off and to go see his doctor. He eventually does concede; he goes home and has a long talk with Lip about what the Gallagher genes mean for both of them (Ian = bipolar disorder, Lip = alcoholism). Lip convinces Ian to do as he’s supposed to in these situations with his meds and his health and take care of himself.

Lip starts out this episode by having sex with Sierra, and later, emptying bags of urine. That’s his latest task at work, as one of the employees is in a multi-day video game competition where he has an “external catheter” attached to his penis so he doesn’t have to stop playing. Lip doesn’t see how getting his co-workers beer, coffee, and fresh piss bags could possibly be helping him learn anything about a career in engineering. His superior puts him in his place, letting him know that other candidates far more qualified than he were passed over for the position, so either like it or leave.

Carl is chased down by Dominique’s cop father, because Dom finds out she has gonorrhea. Carl goes to his doctor to try to figure out how he could have contracted the STD, and his doctor informs him his tests are negative. Ian and Lip suggest to Carl that if he’s negative he didn’t give gonorrhea to Dom, but maybe some other guy did. Carl takes this opportunity to follow Dom (on the bike he bought her) to a local frat house, where he catches her making out with a college guy(!). Carl takes a photo, and the bike, and heads back to Dom’s house to show her dad.

Finally, we have Debbie. Since her scare with almost stealing a child, Debbie hasn’t been nabbing any more strollers. However, she’s now in debt to her night nurse Joylemi and needs to find a way to make up the money. She decides to put a whole boutique’s worth of clothes on her body and try to walk out of the store, which proves unsuccessful. Fiona claims that Debbie has mental issues where she “forgets to pay for things,” and somehow, the cashier and security guard let Debbie go scotch free.

Honorable Mentions

  • “Tinder rocks.” —Fiona
  • “Oh, she’s busy f–king strangers, it’s a new hobby very time consuming” —Svetlana, when V says she hasn’t heard from Fiona
  • Kevin’s nod of approval when Svetlana’s father turns to face them, naked.
  • “I also assume you’re a communist, so you understand the rich helping out the poor.” —Frank, trying to get Svetlana’s dad to give him the keys to Kev’s apartment
  • The whole scene between Kevin and the neighbor was so perfect, I wish I could put the transcript here but it wouldn’t do it justice – you just have to watch Steve Howey.
  • “Your little pixie tribe’s in there trashing the place. Total s— show” —Melinda, not lifting a finger but nailing that explanation

Episode grade: B

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Episode 803
  • TV Show
  • 9
  • 103
  • Showtime
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