Fiona is fierce; Ian is single; Frank does something stupid again
Credit: Chuck Hodes/Showtime
Episode 803
S7 E2
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Shameless’ second episode was all about a very fierce Fiona and some serious brotherly bonding. Plus, Kevin realized some of the consequences of having two wives. Let’s recap “Swipe, F—, Leave.”

Fiona picks up where the last episode left off – trying to get into her bedroom, which Frank has nailed shut from the inside. When she eventually breaks it down, she starts collecting his things in trashbags, while promising to V that she “won’t let Frank get to her.” Frank has climbed out of a window at this point and made his way to the kitchen, where he’s vowing to “disinherit” all of his children save Liam and “take back the Gallagher name.” Fiona gives him his bags and swears to have the doors padlocked, then gets on her oddly merry way to work.

At Patsy’s, Fiona’s employees continue to change their shifts at will, often leaving her screwed. She’s getting increasingly frustrated with her manager position, and the responsibilities (and lack of extra pay) it entails. So she heads to the “Chad’s” office, the owner of Patsy’s Pies. She informs them that she wants to quit her job as manager and take a waitress position again, which she finds to be less trouble and more lucrative.

The owner of Patsy’s realizes what Lip has already figured out: Patsy’s isn’t in great financial shape. They suggest just closing Patsy’s instead, since at this point it’s losing the company money, but Fiona insists she still needs the job. So they give Fiona the option of basically hiring a new staff — as long as she doesn’t cost them anything else and keeps the place afloat.

Fiona gladly takes this opportunity, and puts a “help wanted” sign in the window of Patsy’s, where she quickly hires three new (younger, more pleasant) waitresses and fires the waitresses who’ve been changing their shifts.


Fiona immediately loves this newfound freedom and independence, especially in her refusal to confront her disaster of a wedding from last season.

Father of the Year once again

In his quest to “disinherit his children,” Frank takes Liam to help him find some demolition workers for a “home masonry project.” He hires three men whom he has build walls at the top of both staircases in the Gallagher house, rendering the second floor virtually inaccessible. He, Liam, and a woman they’ve picked up at The Alibi Room use a ladder to climb in and out of the window on the second floor while the rest of the Gallaghers sleep in various places in the living room. Lip and Ian have the brilliant idea of cutting off the water supply to the second floor. This leaves Frank without running water, resulting in him (excuse me while I puke as I write this) choosing to clean himself with dirty water from the toilet (I mean where do the writers come up with these things.)

NEXT: Kevin’s got twice the problems

Newlywed Bliss

Kevin is coming to grips with the fact that having two wives might not be all it’s cracked up to be. V and Svetlana take over duties at the bar one day, leaving Kevin home with the kids and one major task: clean up the house. However, Kevin takes his new stay-at-home dad duties a little less seriously and spends most of his time playing with the kids and, at one point, initiating a food fight with them. When V and Svetlana get home, they are obviously not pleased and let Kevin hear it.

Kevin is not happy to be yelled at, but of course, still not willing to do the cleaning up he was supposed to. The next day he sees an ad for topless maids, who, he promptly hires with the hopes that she’ll clean his house. Instead, the topless maid is actually a hooker of sorts who does not clean anything, but this inspires Kevin. He proposes the idea of a real topless maid service to V and Svetlana: them being “topless” while another, older woman cleans a client’s house. Tune in next week to see how “Nooks and Fannies” plays out.

What the rest of the Clan was up to…

After the shocking revelation of Caleb making out with his high school girlfriend, Ian is avoiding him. Once Caleb finally corners Ian at work asking where he’s been; they have a fight about Caleb’s infidelity — only Caleb doesn’t see it that way. Caleb sees himself as being sexually fluid and likes having sex with women, but he still considers himself gay and doesn’t see sleeping with his ex as cheating. Ian claims he is 100 percent gay, but Caleb insists that “no one is 100 percent anything.” Astounded by this, Ian doesn’t know how to feel, but he knows he cares for Caleb.

After some discussion with Lip about what it means to be “100 percent” straight or gay, Ian tries to figure it out for himself. He checks out a woman on the train, who he ends up sleeping with. This leads to some hilarious postcoital realizations that he is in fact, 100 percent gay, but also a discussion with Caleb where they break up. Ian finds it to be a turn off that Caleb enjoys sex with women, and Caleb still can’t see why it would be a problem. (Cue the return of Gallavich please!)

Lip is working at Patsy’s while also having started at his internship, where his primary task is getting coffee for the three heads of the company. This seems to be going remotely well, until he’s there when three members of the FBI come in to raid the company’s servers. No one explains to Lip why this might be happening and act as if it’s routine.

Lip is also struggling with drinking. At one point he leaves The Alibi Room without having anything, but later when out at the club, he’s toying with his AA chips, and trying to stay conscious of what he imbibes.

NEXT: Carl is having a hard time

Debbie is fully in the throws of her pram scam, turning over several strollers a week and even threatening harm to one pregnant woman who attempts to haggle with her. Eventually Debbie attempts to steal a stroller that’s made for twins, and has one baby still in it. Nearly caught, she quickly ditches the stroller a few feet from where she found it and runs off with Franny (now going by her middle name, Harry). Also, no sign of her trusty night nurse in episode 2.

Finally we have Carl. Carl is having a rough 72 hours as he cannot keep from getting an erection, which breaks his stitches. Twice he has to go to the doctors to have them sewn back on, where his doctor shares some colorful advice on how to keep from getting an erection.


Honorable Mentions

  • When Frank informs them he’ll be disinheriting them…

    “Disinherit wow, so we don’t get that jelly jar? —Lip,

    “Or the three pieces of silverware you stole from the Ramada Inn?” —Ian

    “…or the shame and the embarrassment?” —Lip

  • “Do you think, in his own way, Frank’s actually a pretty good dad?” —Kevin
  • “I’ve even had patients recommend to me that watching Ted Cruz on CSPAN is an effective measure for preventing an erection.” —Carl’s doctor
  • “Should I just get you the Draino, then?” —Lip

    “If I knew I could gargle with it without dying I’d say yes.” —Ian, post female sex

  • “You’re a hot piece of ass; you should be boning on the reg.” —One of Fiona’s new employees, to her new boss

Shameless Beats

The song when Frank and Liam start construction: “Run With You” – Hotel Eden

Episode grade: B+

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Episode 803
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