Lip's de facto father figure casts him out for good
Credit: Chuck Hodes/Showtime
Episode 803

LOL, everything is miserable.

Not a single Gallagher escapes “Sleep No More” unscathed, and I’m looking forward to invoicing Showtime for the therapy I’ll surely need after next week’s finale. If Lip’s actions from last week weren’t enough to jeopardize his entire future, Sunday’s episode may have landed him back in the neighborhood for good.

Meanwhile, Ian had a few episodes’ worth of happiness, so the Shameless universe has officially balanced the scales. Plus: Debs is not doing so hot as a teen mom, and Frank disappoints Fiona — and everyone — for the millionth time. As Winston Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going” — so let’s just forge ahead.


Now that Lip has nowhere to stay on campus, he’s moved back into the Gallagher home. Surprisingly, he didn’t completely torch his chances with Youens, and he shows up to campus ready to work and apologize. Youens, however, is not moved by the latter, telling him to “keep grading, thanks.”

Later, Lip asks him “How long do you plan on putting me through this s—?” and Youens finally decides to set some boundaries. He doesn’t want to hear about Lip’s life, the parties, none of it — “I’m your employer, not your daddy,” he says, adding, “Do your job; I’ll do mine.”

Lip does not take this well! When Fiona calls Lip to tell him about Frank’s recent attempts to act like more of a father (more on that later), Lip calls him a “piece of s—,” and, “You don’t just decide when you get to be a father. … Why even have kids if you can’t stick by them when s— falls apart?… All these old, narcissistic alcoholics should just crawl in a hole and f—ing die.” Guys…do you think he might be projecting? Then Lip breaks out his flask. Ah yes, a cocktail of booze, anger, and misplaced daddy issues is just what he needs.

Naturally, he shows up to Youens’ class totally in the tank and rudely corrects the prof’s method right there in the middle of lecture. Apparently, Youens’ method is old-fashioned, something I would love to fact-check but I don’t understand a single word they’re saying. “People stopped using field theory for this s— back in the ’90s, which was about when you started pickling your frontal cortex with scotch,” says Lip, in front of a lecture hall full of students. I’m dying.

Youens drags him outside and tells Lip to go home and sober up, somehow still giving him another chance. Lip is upset that Youens wants to draw boundaries all of a sudden — “I changed your shirt when you woke up covered in your own vomit; I listened to you bawl over a student you f—ed eight years ago,” he shouts in the corridor — as Youens warns him to just. Stop. Talking. But when their argument turns to shoving, Youens tells him, “I was your ticket out of the gutter, pal, and you just blew it: You’re officially fired.” Okay, so, he definitely deserved that, and yet, I am still very sad. This has to mean he finally loses his scholarship, right? How many chances is he going to get? He’s getting past the age where it’s charming that he’s so brilliant despite having had a rough childhood — at some point he needs to properly grow up because nobody cares about context in the real world and you can’t just spill your sob story to everyone you meet.

Not quite ready to stop digging that hole, Lip takes a crowbar — or a shovel? Hard to see — to Youens’ car and gets tackled by campus security. So, criminal charges, too? Why not, right?

NEXT: Ian begins work as a trainee EMT, and Debs is struggling on every level


For a palate cleanser, here is another piece of misery but a more succinct one.

Ian begins working as a trainee EMT, and everyone loves him! He’s the only person, other than his boss, who scored perfectly on both the written and practical exams! Almost immediately, none of this matters, and everything goes to hell!

His boss discovers that Ian lied about having a mental illness, and he’s out. However, it doesn’t appear as if it’s the bipolar disorder itself that’s getting him the boot, but the fact that he lied and his boss doesn’t want someone on the team whom she can’t trust. Is this Caleb’s fault because he told Ian to lie? Or would Ian not have gotten the job in the first place had he told the truth? Either way, everything is bad.


Debs is refusing everyone’s help when it comes to caring for Frances (or “Franny”), even though the kid cannot stop crying and Debs is dead on her feet. She especially won’t take Fiona’s advice, who thinks that Debs should supplement breastfeeding with formula, as Frances is probably hungry.

When Debs tries to go back to school, she’s barred from entering the classroom, despite her wanting to learn. “Here’s a lesson: Use condoms,” her teacher tells her, sending Debs to the guidance counselor so that she can pick up materials to study from home.

Totally exhausted and wrangling with more difficult material than is taught in the classroom, Debs falls asleep mid-studying and drops Frances, and I’m pretty sure every muscle in my body is still tensed from seeing a baby hit the floor. When Fiona arrives home later to find Frances crying on the couch and Debs crying in the crawlspace under the stairs, she finally convinces Debs to accept some help and tells her that all the baby needs is a mother who cares, which Debs does. (Also, like, food, though… Babies definitely need food. And to not get dropped.)

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Frank, Fiona, and Sean

As he likes to do every now and then, Frank decides to play-act as a father. He wants to walk Fiona down the aisle, a notion Fiona scoffs at. When Frank offers to pay for the wedding, however, she decides to give him a chance — to pay. Though Sean is worried that Frank will break Fiona’s heart for the millionth time, she insists that’s truly not possible. She just wants his money.

When dressing up Liam as an African orphan doesn’t earn Frank the cash he needs, he decides to shake down the Delgados — the other half of Franny’s genes, if you’ll recall — threatening to tell the police that Debs was the victim of statutory rape.

When a brick dedicated to Frank sails through the Gallaghers’ living room window, Sean — who has spent the episode wondering why the flying f— Frank is even allowed in that house — demands to know where the wedding money came from. Frank fairly easily confesses to what he did, and everyone is pissed. Debs cries that Derek will never speak to her again, and Fiona says it was a “dick move.”

Sean tells Frank that he treats his family “like s—; you don’t deserve to walk your daughter down the aisle,” and Frank headbutts him. They fight their way through the kitchen and into the yard while Fiona shouts at them to stop. Carl puts an end to it by putting Frank in a chokehold, and when he comes to, Fiona tells him to get out. Frank looks to Carl, who is impassive, and to Debs, who shakes her head no, and he finally walks away.

NEXT: Sean is not off the hook — and Kevin, V, and Svetlana, are up to some nonsense

Fiona rounds on Sean, telling him that he doesn’t need him to stand up for her because she doesn’t have a heart when it comes to Frank — this was about Sean’s ego, and he jeopardized his future by getting into a fight while on parole. They’ll get over it, though — she takes him inside the house to clean the blood off his face.

Frank gets on a bus and complains loudly about how Sean is arrogant and that he was just “defending [his] family.” As he rants about what violent acts he’d like to act out on Sean, a man who just lost his job sits next to him and asks, “How much?”

And for a $1,000 down payment, Frank puts out a hit on his future son-in-law.

Kevin, V, and Svetlana

I love Svetlana and V, I really do, but I can’t deal with these people during such a heavy episode. I suppose their antics brought levity, but I’m tired.

Anyway, here’s the deal: The USCIS officer, Lester, buys V and Svetlana’s story not at all, but he doesn’t have any evidence to contradict their story. He’ll continue popping by the house.

Then, V and Svetlana start falling in lust, or love, or something, and start hooking up. V tells Kevin, he gets pissed but horny, and they decide on a sex rota that includes him. And now they’re officially a throuple? The end. Until next week!

How about this: Let’s all choose one Gallagher — just one — who ends the season on a genuinely positive note. Leave your sure-to-be-dashed hopes and dreams below. (I’m going to guess Carl, only because his story line was so limited this week and I’m playing the odds, but I’m going to hope for…let’s go with Ian. Lip is doomed.)

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Episode 803
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