Simon learns that life as a vampire sucks
Credit: John Medland/Freeform

Although the Mortal Cup is safe inside the Institute at the outset of “Bad Blood,” the Shadowhunters writers wasted no time advancing the story line of our favorite shadow-fighting trio and their loyal downworlder friends. Valentine is still holding Jocelyn in a magical bubble. The Clave is sending a babysitter to observe the Lightwood family. Simon is missing. And Izzy is wearing turtlenecks. Everything is all wrong.

When the Institute’s alarm goes off, Izzy, Alec, Jace, and Clary head outside to check the wards. They find Raphael carrying Simon. From his limp, dangling body, it’s clear that poor Simon is dead. Well, he’s almost dead. Camille snacked on him a few times, and now he’s transitioning. Love truly bites. Clary is furious, even though Raphael was nice enough to deliver her dorky friend. A choice must be made: Do you let him die or help him turn into a vampire?

Jace laughs at the idea of Simon turning into a blood-sucking downworlder living in a casket. Raphael reprimands him. Vampires live in coffins. Solid gold ones. Duh. He gives Clary an ultimatum, noting that she must decide to stake her friend in the heart and kill him for good or bury him by sunset so he can rise as a child of the night. The decision is hers. Katherine McNamara turns on the waterworks big time. It’s clear this will be her nomination reel for a Teen Choice Award.

Back inside the Institute, Valentine walks in without a care in the world. Alec shoots an arrow at his foe, and the dude catches it. Or should I say, dudette. Valentine morphs into a shadowhunter lady. Meet Lydia Branwell (Stephanie Bennett), who is the new sheriff in town. She’s young, gorgeous, and ready to whip the New York shadowhunters back into shape. Maryse obviously hates her, even though the Branwells and Lightwoods have been family friends for years. Lydia doesn’t back down from a fight either. When Alec reports that the werewolf headquarters has been attacked, she’s the first in line to check it out.

Meanwhile, Clary visits Simon’s mom to make up a story about where he’s been the past few days, but she chickens out. She packs a bag for Simon (to help him through his transition) as Jace tells her a completely depressing story about how his dad asked him to train a falcon when he was a little kid. When he presented the obedient falcon to his father, his dad snapped the bird’s neck. His point? Let’s bum everyone out! His other point? Jace’s father was disappointed that his son loved the bird. You have to listen to your head, not your heart. Emotions cloud judgment. Although all are good fortune-cookie messages, Clary thinks that if being a shadowhunter means that she has to be dead inside, she’s not sure she wants to be one. Hard pass. Excuse me while I wear my emotions on my sleeve. (See Teen Choice nomination reel for confirmation.)

Down by the docks, Lydia and Alec make their way to Jade Wolf Chinese restaurant to check on Luke and the pack. She casually mentions that she can see why all the girls in Idris are clamoring to meet Alec and settle down. Alec tries not to make a barfing noise. Lydia smiles and tells him a story about how she and her one true love were going to run the Lisbon Institute, but he was killed. She warns Alec never to fall in love. What is the deal with all the tales of woe in this episode?

They find Luke, and a few other pack members in human form, licking their wounds inside the restaurant. I guess wolf CGI is too expensive to incorporate when so much money goes into the creation of something called a forsaken. This zombie-like creature attacked the pack, and it took five wolves to bring it down. There’s no question that Valentine is behind this hideous deed. Luke thinks it’s personal. Lydia promises that she will put up additional wards to protect ex-Circle members. Alec agrees. Hodge might be in danger. Lydia looks at him strangely and adds, “So are your parents.” It seems that the Lightwoods are keeping all sorts of secrets from their children.

NEXT: Dig in

Lydia and Alec take the gross forsaken creature back to the Institute so experts can analyze the body. And by experts, I mean Magnus Bane. The warlock delivers his preliminary autopsy files to a shirtless Alec and somehow manages to ignore the impressive abs in order to have an adult conversation. Alec should start living life for himself instead of his parents, the Clave, the Institute, and steadfast rules in general. For those of you shipping Magnus and Alec, you’ll have to hold your horses. Alec decides to propose to Lydia so his family can stay in control and Lydia can finally run an Institute. It makes perfect sense in the shadowhunter world, yet Clary would not approve since Alec used 0 percent of his heart to make the decision.

Speaking of Clary, our dramatic actress breaks the news to Luke that Simon is dead. She asks his advice on what to do? Luke explains that Simon will be a downworlder if Clary goes through with it. He has a flashback, remembering that Jocelyn stayed with him during his own transition. The decision is made. Shovels up, people. It’s time to dig in.

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Raphael, Clary, and Jace aren’t the only ones at the cemetery. Camille arrives with a gaggle of fellow vampires, ready to reclaim her property. Raphael uses this moment to share with his fellow vampires that Camille deserves to be overthrown. She’s putting their clan in danger by killing random mundanes. Camille scoffs. All they have to do is get rid of the body and everything will be back to normal. Clary punches Camille square in the face (DRAMA!) before the other vamps surround her. I’m not sure if they ate Camille, killed her, or swept her away, but for now, she is out of the picture.

Raphael hands Clary a stake and a shovel. She chooses the spade and begins digging Simon’s grave as the two supernatural beings watch. Simon is placed in the grave. Clary begins tossing dirt onto his body and dissolves into a puddle of tears. Jace takes over. He reminds Clary that Simon is a fighter, albeit an annoying one, who never seems to die. On cue, Simon’s hand crashes through the mound of dirt, and he pulls himself out like an animal. Raphael tosses him a few blood bags. He takes a dozen down without hesitation. The transition is complete. Simon begins to freak out, knowing that he’s a vampire now. Clary swears he’s the same person, but he’s not having it. He speeds away into the night. Raphael offers to take care of him. Neither Clary nor Jace thanks him for his help. Rude.

As Jace holds a weeping Clary in his arms, Izzy learns that the blood of the forsaken body has hints of angel blood. She suddenly realizes something that is confusing for me. Did she just figure out that this is Valentine’s army? And the other forsaken, who is currently fighting both Alec and Hodge in the training room, can enter the Institute because of said angel blood? Did I get that right? Inquiring minds want to know.

I’d also like to know, if you had a choice, would have Simon sparkle in the sun like Edward Cullen? Or would you like for him to have a special ring so he can walk in the daylight like a Salvatore brother? I think a glittery Simon would be super cute.

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