A funny thing happened over at 8686 Mint Hill Drive. So funny, in fact, the incident has Detective Ralston beaming from ear to ear by the time Detective Cornell walks into the police station at the start of tonight’s Secrets and Lies.
Ralston reads Cornell the police report filed after Danny stormed Madam Melanie’s Whorehouse and fired two warning shots (and killed everyone’s vibe) in search of Carly. He then gleefully reveals Patrick (and, technically, all of Sherwood Equity Group) is the happy owner of the house. The duo makes an attempt to search the property and find the security footage to see who caused all the ruckus, but it turns out the footage has been erased. You know who likes to erase security footage? Melanie.
Speaking of Melanie, we’re back at SEG right after Neil tells Eric about Melanie’s side hustle. Neil is still insisting he knew absolutely nothing about Kate’s murder or Patrick’s fraud. All he knows is Melanie is a pimp, which he managed to find out when he brought Carly to the party as his date — only to have her run off in fear at the sight of her “boss.” He’s sort of in his own little bubble, since he pretty much assumed being arrested by Cornell and beat up by Danny (twice) was the result of him dabbling in prostitution.
Still, after Eric tells John about the mess Patrick has caused, their solution is to fire him. And that’s what they do…in front of the entire staff. It was hella awkward, to say the least.
John, Neil, and Eric later have a conversation with a lawyer — Henry Stratman (Mark Espinoza, Beverly Hills, 90210) — that ends no differently than the last one Eric had with him: The company is still screwed. He points out that SEG is now open to prosecution because of Eric’s two stupid mistakes (i.e. because Eric is Eric). To jog your memory:
Henry breaks down everything that’s wrong with this situation (aside from the obvious) and makes it clear that, since every dime made from the prostitution ring was used to pay for the house under SEG’s name, everyone involved is bound to go down. Not to mention the innocent employees at the firm — who, at this point, are only guilty of going to work — are probably going to need lawyers, too. That is, unless someone is able to provide the police with the names of all the prostitutes at Mint Hill as well as the men paying for them.
Eric can’t exactly do that, but he can at least let the police know none of the other employees are responsible for any of this. And that’s when Eric makes a little peace offering to Detective Cornell: He shows up to the police station with a box full of files, detailing everything Cornell would need to know about Patrick’s fraud and how it might connect him to the case at hand. She decides this is “solid motive for Kate’s murder” and arrests Patrick while he’s visiting his mom in the hospital.
NEXT: Downward-facing jail time
Once the word gets out about Patrick’s arrest, Amanda and John yell at Eric for throwing him under the bus (while failing to realize Patrick literally committed a crime he kind of deserved to be arrested for, whether or not Eric turned him in). But Eric isn’t trying to hear it, because he’s pretty much convinced Patrick killed Kate. (Note: Now is the time I assume, judging by the way these shows work, that Patrick is 100 percent not the person who killed Kate. But, eh, what do I know?)
Back at the police station, Detective Cornell is questioning a lawyer-less (and broke) Patrick and trying to get him to snitch on Melanie. This calls for a little manipulation. See, the reason Patrick is without a lawyer right now is because he’s $50,000 short on payment due to his assets being frozen following his arrest. Earlier in the hour, Cornell assembled a squad to go out and follow Melanie around to see what she was up to. As it turns out, Melanie was having some not-so-casual meetings with their lawyer so she could work out paying him that $50,000. But she didn’t pay him with money, if you know what I mean.
Anyhow, Patrick’s lawyer conveniently enters the interrogation room to save the day as Cornell is revealing all of this, but Patrick flips out and attacks him. So, I guess this guy won’t be representing him after all?
Next in “The Adventures of Detective Cornell and Her Super-Inconvenient Arrests,” Cornell and Ralston show up at Melanie’s yoga class. Only they’re not there to do yoga, as you might’ve guessed. As Melanie hangs out in downward-facing dog, they put her in cuffs and take her back to the precinct. Namaste.
Meanwhile, Eric goes to speak to Patrick, who’s now in jail, and Patrick continues to make himself a victim by blaming Eric for his current predicament. Like, that’s it. The bulk of this conversation is Patrick complaining about how perfect Eric is, when all he ever tried to do was get on his level. The end.
But anyway, we’re back at the police station where Melanie is once again being questioned. She’s still trying to be nonchalant about what’s happening here, but it doesn’t take too long for her to start cracking: The detective pulls out some photos and a necklace/flash-drive hybrid containing all the information about the women Melanie hired and the men using their services. She also shows Melanie a video of Patrick confessing (after he punched his lawyer in the face a few times), and that’s when Detective Cornell taps back in. Melanie decides to fess up and reveal she didn’t kill Kate, but she knows who did. Um, you couldn’t have admitted this eight episodes ago?
Also worth noting: Remember the time Eric found out Kate paid $100,000 to whomever was blackmailing him? Well, tonight Eric was convinced Patrick and Melanie were blackmailing him, since the first payment on the line of credit Patrick opened was made shortly after the mysterious blackmailers were paid. And one more thing: Remember the secret iPad Kate had, to which Eric still doesn’t know the password? Well, the software Kate installed to track the money showed the money was moving again. Eric gets Danny to break into the iPad so he can continue tracking its movements, but the problem is the money’s still moving even after Patrick and Melanie are arrested.
The episode fades to black as Eric and Danny drive around a sketchy parking lot to track the signal’s whereabouts, only to discover it’s coming from a car…being driven by John.
Episode grade: B