After participating in a threesome with another working girl and her favorite client, Hannah finds out who her true friend is
Billie Piper, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, ...

‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ recap: Three-way

I have a confession: Like Call Girl‘s Hannah, I have few close female friends. Two, at the most. It’s not that I think girls are all about ”eating Häagen-Dazs and watching Pretty Woman.” I know the feminine bond is more complicated than that. Plus, I like ice cream and Julia Roberts, in that role at least. (Though I do share Hannah’s dislike of Les Mis. Never got it, never will.) It’s not a conscious decision, either: I don’t hate girls, and I get along with them. It just ended up that way, and I’ve sort of gone with it all my life. But even so, I’m not sure I’m cool with whatever point yesterday’s episode was trying to make about women through its ”Hannah reluctantly makes a girlfriend, then said girlfriend stabs her in the back” story line.

Here’s how it went down: Hannah was helping Ben choose wedding gear (even though he’d been acting like a dunce since finding out she was a prozzie) when she got a call from her agent/madam, Stephanie. Ashok, Hannah’s favorite regular and first client ever (whom you may remember from the all-nighter episode) wanted to spice things up with a threesome. (Hey, he’s paying for it.) So Stephanie set them up with a girl she’d recently nabbed from a rival agency. We should have known then that the new chick, named Naomi, had no loyalty. But the session was smashing: Hannah and Naomi did all the usual fun girly things. You know, like pick out knickers, share lube, fake simultaneous orgasms. After Ashok left, they even decided to hang out, just the two of them, and got boozed up while eating Chinese food and sharing hooker stories. (One aside: Naomi said her best present from a john was a Mini Cooper convertible. Seriously?) Anyway, in the absence of Ben, Hannah had found a new best friend who was, oddly enough, a woman: As she told us in the episode’s start, ”It’s not that I don’t like going down on girls; it’s just that I never really enjoy hanging out with them.”

Then after nearly a week and a half of Sex and the City-like friendship bliss and going to the gyno in tandem, Hannah found out from Stephanie that Naomi had stolen Ash. What a whore! So what, in the context of a possible moral, does this mean? That girls make bad buds? That they are untrustworthy? Cruel? That they’re destined to stab each other in the back? Because, Lord knows, Hannah ain’t no saint herself. It’s hard to buy her in the victim role (even if she did cry, convincingly and a lot, when she discovered Ash was through with her). And I can’t help wondering if everything Naomi wrought on her wasn’t something Hannah would have done to Naomi as well. (I can easily see the old Godfather line ”It’s not personal; it’s business” being her credo.)

NEXT: The secret origin of Belle

Yet, if so, I wonder why Hannah was so mad at Naomi for ending up with Ashok. (She deleted the woman’s digits from her cell phone.) He was only a client, and it was only business. My guess is that Hannah is not as cold toward her johns as she would have us think, and that she thought of Ash (in her heart at least) as a sort of boyfriend who Naomi eventually stole. For one, when Naomi asked Hannah to describe Ash, she waxed poetic about his personal traits (geeky, smells nice) and not whether he liked ”anal or vanilla,” which is what the other girl really wanted to know. Secondly, after their marathon threesome, it was Hannah who was so philosophical afterward (let’s talk about books!) and who went in for the cuddle with old Ash. This gave Naomi such a cold, self-satisfied smile that I almost think she planned to steal Hannah’s ”man” the whole time, just to be wicked.

So did we like/agree with this depiction of the female frenemy? I think not — and that it served only to throw Hannah’s friendship with male friend Ben into warm relief. Think about it: He may be put off a bit by her being a slut, but at least he’s not a sneaky, cold bitch. And it offered him a chance to come to Hannah’s rescue, bringing pastries and a shoulder to cry on. That said, I am not dissing Ben in any way, because he obviously cares deeply about Hannah and wants her to be able to talk to him about her life and her job. If anything, I’m getting the sneaking feeling that finding out Hannah’s secret, and realizing that it bugs him, is helping Ben own up to the fact that he’s still in love with her. There was something telling last night in the moment when he said Hannah was the only woman he’d ever had sex with that still liked him and it was Hannah who had to remind him about Vanessa, his fiancée.

Besides that, two other things stuck with me: One, how quickly Hannah glossed over her tale of becoming a hooker. (A one-night stand paid her, and that was that; she liked the thought of it, basically.) Two, the stuff on Hannah’s ”What Belle Enjoys” (and doesn’t enjoy) list at the escort service’s website. GFE? Scat? A-levels (doesn’t that have something to do with school)? Moresomes? Snowballing? Stags? Watersports? I’m mildly afraid to look these things up: My work computer could be confiscated. But I will….

So what did you guys think about last night’s episode? Are you with me and against the Naomi plotline? Or did it unearth some things about girls that struck a chord? Tired of the show (many of you posters seem to be; please say it’s not so!)? Or hanging in at least until next week, when we will see the scary part of both one-night stands (the guy who won’t leave) and clients (the john who won’t either)? PS: Billie Piper fans should tune in to Sci Fi this Friday at 9 p.m., when she will be making a return appearance on Doctor Who.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl
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