In the season finale, Hannah quits Stephanie's agency in order to become a high-paid ''courtesan,'' then leads Ben to break off his engagement
Billie Piper, Secret Diary of a Call Girl

‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ recap: Happy ending

Eight episodes in, one season finale down, and what has Call Girl‘s golden-hearted hooker Hannah learned? That ”in London you can keep secrets, you can be anonymous, you can be whomever you want. As long as one person knows you entirely and loves you still, it’s the best place in the world.” That Ben doesn’t want to marry her, but he won’t wed Vanessa either. And that he rightly thinks the only other living thing she can take care of is a cactus. (The symbolism here is obvious.) That she doesn’t enjoy having girl friends or being a paid wife. That she can’t spend any time alone. That she likes her appointments short (no more extended bookings in Scotland). That her mother doesn’t get her, but her father is proud of her front as a nighttime legal secretary. (She has ”five people working under her,” hardy har har). That she should never wear a blue dress with black stockings, silver pumps, and huge hoop earrings. And that high-priced courtesans are snobby, dull, mistreated women who guzzle predictable drinks (tea and wine vs. Hannah’s fluorescent cocktails). They live in classy but dreary apartments (compare Hannah’s colorful pad with Della’s monochrome flat) and pride themselves on the most ridiculous things, like knowing how to play golf, say thank you, and ski. (If only I could golf, I’d be perfect!) In Della’s words, ”We’re not just about servicing the client, if you will. We’re genuine companions. What you may call lifestyle sponsors.” Hannah’s replay? ”But it’s still f—ing in the end, right?” You got it.

As much as Hannah desired their money at the beginning of last night’s episode, by the end she knew she didn’t want their lives. And though I agreed with her decision, I wasn’t too keen on the psychology behind it. It’s becoming increasingly clear that Hannah does what Hannah wants, and what Hannah wants is to be special. Just think about it: Hannah was over the moon when Mitch, the rich African-American john with a ”great butt,” nominated her to Diamond International Courtesans (dumbest company name ever, by the way). It meant she was at the top of her game. Then he gave her that fab apartment overlooking Westminster, meaning she was the top of his game as well. But then he took her to Scotland, where his work superseded their professional-girlfriend arrangement. (Um, never toss away a working person’s phone when he’s trying to answer it. Even I would have been mad, and I thought he was a jerk.) He yelled at her, she left. She found out that he had a whore in every city, and she quit Diamond International. Hannah couldn’t take not being number one or the only one. (Hmmm…sound like what happened with Ash and Naomi?)

NEXT: HONEYMOON KILLER How Hannah got rid of Vanessa

Just like she couldn’t take not being numero uno with Ben, and called him over in the middle of the night when she was bored, to watch her favorite movie. She took him out of Vanessa’s arms and made it clear to the second girl that they were hanging together by calling to him while he was on the phone. I don’t think she did it on purpose, but if she’d thought of their relationship at all, then she would have kept quiet. Hannah was also selfish to want Ben to keep pictures of her on his camera. If he doesn’t want his girlfriend (whom he’s already on the rocks with) to accidentally find sexy pics of his best bud (say she borrows it or something), then that’s his business. Again, Hannah just wants to be the center of attention.

But in a way, she did Ben a favor, because she helped him realize not only that he did he not want to marry Vanessa but also that he no longer wanted to be with Hannah, romantically at least. (But he did hope to still partake in her mum’s Sunday lamb.)

Moreover, Ben’s breakup gave Hannah the opportunity to show him that she really cares for him. I know it was only a hug, but it was a meaningful one. That they could go back to joking around afterward (”you just have to press it down real hard”) is the sign of a real friendship.

I’m excited for next season, in which Hannah will become an ”independent escort” and The Tudors‘ Callum Blue will join the show as her new love interest. Though I’d like to see her agent Stephanie back on the show somehow. Speaking of, what was Hannah talking about when she said, ”So I won’t be sent to any more stag dos ‘by mistake’ and I won’t be putting bits of sponge up myself during my period”? Sponge? Ew.

In the end, it was a great season finale. For one, it cleared up Hannah’s problems with Ben (I hate cliff-hangers). But I also loved seeing Colin Salmon (who played Mitch, and has also appeared on Doctor Who) work his American accent again. You may remember him from The Bank Job or Prime Suspect. I’m a major fan of the short-lived Fox show Keen Eddie, in which he starred as a New Scotland Yard boss. Very funny (and on DVD)!

So I know some of you have been hating on the show. Did this finale get you hooked? Will you be watching season 2? (I, for one, can’t wait.) And for those, like me, who loved every minute of it, was this parting episode all that you hoped for?

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl
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