A mask-themed warehouse rave suddenly turned violent!

By Price Peterson
July 27, 2016 at 08:38 PM EDT
Eliza Morse
S2 E9
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[SHOCKING TWIST: This photo recap erroneously assumed that season 2 of Scream the TV series was 10 episodes instead of 12. The first season had 10 episodes, but season 2 is 12 episodes, not 10. That’s two more episodes than was originally assumed by this writer. That means this week’s was not the second-to-last episode, it was the fourth-to-last episode. Because, again, this season is 12 episodes and not 10. Apologies to our readers, Scream, MTV, Bob Weinstein, the fandom, and especially to Executive Producer Wes Craven for the error.]

Anyway, a girl got stabbed to death. Let’s talk about “The Orphanage”!

Last week’s episode ended with a cliffhanger, so obviously Scream began this week’s episode with zero follow-up on that and instead opted for possibly the lamest horror trope of all time: The dream sequence cold open! In it, Emma found herself chased down by three concerned friends who just wanted to “talk.” And she reacted to their concern very reasonably…

She stabbed them all!

Suddenly bodies were hitting the floor just like in that one song about bodies hitting the floor!

But come on, this series hasn’t avoided killing off its main characters for two seasons only to off three of them in a cold open. (God, imagine if it had!) Emma was dreaming. But interestingly enough, she was also SLEEP WALKING. Good thing Chill Mom™ intercepted her and wrested the very real knife from her hands.

Later, Killer Kieran tried to cheer Emma up about her nightmare by complaining that he’d also had it tough lately, for reasons. But this didn’t cheer her up at all. In fact, Emma just got even more steamed and ticked about Audrey’s role in the Piper situation. Which, again, Emma and Audrey hadn’t talked it out the night before? Like right after that cliffhanger when Audrey showed up in Emma’s bedroom, Audrey apparently snuck out of there without saying anything further? Okay.

Last week it seemed like Gustavo had crept into Brooke’s bed for the sole purpose of being a fully clothed human-shaped pillow for her to snuggle, but in this episode they woke up in their unmentionables which is TV code for they did tons of sex. Good for them! At least somebody’s having fun on this show.

This just seemed like an important screengrab. I can’t remember what happened here. I think he stole her lipstick? Also Gustavo has a tattoo on his spine… of a spine. I don’t know. Scream still really wants us to think Stavo is a creep and probably the killer, but come on.

At school, Noah came under fire for not immediately telling everyone about Audrey the instant he’d found out. And I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the revelation that Audrey had once had a letter-writing friendship with a killer is one of the snooze-worthiest things to have ever happened on TV. Like, there is an ACTIVE killer targeting and harassing these characters and we’re supposed to believe they would care about this? Question is rhetorical because it was basically ALL they cared about.

Emma even shoved Audrey into some lockers! Kieran, please just kill everybody already.

NEXT: A mysterious relic from the past

So then Emma discovered a microcassette tape in her locker hanging from a LOCK OF HUMAN HAIR. What was spookier to you: the hair, or that microcassettes still exist in a show that has heretofore been obsessed with instantly dated technology? The tape had belonged to the high school psychology teacher, and it contained not only a secret recording of one of her conversations with Emma, but also her opinion that Emma was a psycho who was probably the killer. This hurt Emma’s feelings!

So there was also the question of WHO had sent the recording of Audrey to Emma. Using a sophisticated method of back-end hacking (checking his “sent items” folder), Noah was able to determine that Zoe had indeed sent the file to herself from Noah’s computer. This put her in an awkward spot considering she had originally denied any wrongdoing. But she now claimed she hadn’t sent the thing to Emma. (Also, I loved being able to look at Noah’s inbox here. Why did his spam filter fail to catch that “special promotion” email? This was a far more compelling mystery than the whodunnit.)

Now that Chill Mom™ had her job back, she was able to spend more quality time with the Sheriff. This week he confessed to her that back in Arizona, Gustavo had accidentally shot his friend’s head off. While any reasonable person knows that accidents happen and that includes accidents where one teen shoots another teen’s head off, Gustavo’s father still had doubts about why Gustavo had taken so long to call 911 afterward. Was Gustavo a killer? Maybe. But was he THE killer? Come on.

Emma and Kieran heard that the psychology teacher was still alive and hanging out in the hospital. She had lost 12 gallons of blood during her attack, but it was nothing that a small bandage and some R&R couldn’t fix. Anyway, she opened her eyes and saw Emma and began to scream! Personally I don’t tend to scream out of boredom, but maybe that’s what head injuries make people do sometimes.

At this point Gustavo snuck into his father’s office and found out that he’d been keeping a file on his son. Hurtful!

Even though Audrey and Zoe were pointing fingers at each other about who was shadier, Noah defended Zoe the entire time, mostly because she was the one he wanted to do sex with.

So they did sex all over his bedroom! What a couple of animals.

Afterward, Noah discovered that there was a secret recording device under his desk! That meant the killer had recorded Audrey’s confession separately from Noah’s secret recording, and that was how Emma had received it. Cool? The killer truly had a lot of time on his hands.

Later, Emma and Kieran stole the psychology teacher’s keys from her hospital bedside table and broke into her house to snoop. On the wall they found the teacher’s framed class photo from elementary school (we all keep framed elementary class photos on our walls right?) and discovered that the teacher had been a classmate of Piper’s! Which would suggest that the teacher was somehow in league with Piper. Except that we know the teacher is not a killer. So what exactly did this twist reveal? Doesn’t matter. At least it was something.

NEXT: A most unfortunate rave

One of the things Stavo discovered in his father’s files was evidence that Brooke’s dead ex Jake had been in league with Brooke’s dad for whatever reason. Arson for hire? Truly impossible to care. But Brooke cared and she was MAD. Again, questionable priorities as there was a killer on the loose, but fine.

So now Emma and Kieran wanted to go to that old empty orphanage (and former insane asylum) where Piper had gone to elementary school, and wouldn’t you know it? There was a mask-themed warehouse rave going on there! Weirder still, the e-blast had been signed by party throwers Emma and Audrey!

This random mean lady was there handing out masks, and when Emma politely asked her to stop the party, the girl bragged about how she was currently boning the guy who had actually thrown it. Ugh, nothing’s worse than sleeping with a party promoter, am I right ladies?

Anyway, their offscreen love affair suddenly came to a heartbreaking conclusion when the killer suddenly broke the girl’s heart WITH A KNIFE.

Oh well. This girl might have been random and inexplicably cruel, but at least she was interesting. Goodbye, forever!

Then Emma and Audrey followed their nostrils and found a room plastered in photos of Piper. But guess who was also in that room?

Piper’s corpse! She still had her eye shot out and looked very bedraggled, leading one to wonder whether her body had been taken to the medical examiner’s office at all. Chill Mom™ had some ‘splaining to do! Anyway, it was another classic Scream-patented corpse-reveal-as-scare, but it wasn’t even the last one in this episode!

Yep, every dead body must be used for shock value at least twice, so the mean girl got one final moment when the police came in to search the place. Hanging a corpse from the ceiling like this must be exhausting! Somebody should check to see if Kieran’s panting in a corner somewhere.

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“The Orphanage” was quite an episode. Did you like it? There’s only one three more of these left, so let’s all get mentally prepared for a shocking end game. Like, keep a defibrillator nearby is what I’m saying. Because shocks. Never mind.

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