The gang suspects one of their own, and another parent bites the dust
In any teen drama, the biggest mystery will always be the parents. Do they exist? Where are they? Why are their children allowed to come and go at any time and do whatever they want for any reason? Much of the appeal of a teen soap is how the protagonists are young enough to eschew adult responsibility, but old enough to not actually need authority figures or curfews or rides home. That’s why the parents get constantly murdered: In a teen soap, nobody’s more expendable than a parent.
Scream the TV series killed off another parent this week! For those of you riveted by the extremely long and drawn-out plotline concerning Brooke’s dad’s various mayoral improprieties… Sorry. Sorta-Ghostface had other ideas, and those ideas involved a pitchfork to the heart. Still, “Heavenly Creatures” continued Scream‘s late-season attempt to be, you know, scary. And in a handful of scenes, it actually worked! So let’s talk about it:
We began with a genuinely unsettling moment that put a new spin on the home-invasion trope: This time, the camera tracked the killer as he stalked through the house, even including a Halloween-esque P.O.V. moment. But the main thing to know is that the suspense was real, and I was into it.
After accidentally stopping by Chill Mom™’s bedroom (uh, Kieran, you’ve been here before, you know which bedroom is which), the killer went into Emma’s room and stole her dream diary! That was a dirty trick and certainly something the killer could’ve done when Emma wasn’t sleeping a mere 4 feet away. Still, it was a creepy moment, and when Emma awoke to find a mysterious wooden necklace with her name on it, she had to agree. Wooden jewelry? Murder aside, the killer had really crossed the line this time.
After the cops arrived, guess who else busted through the door with an “I came as soon as I heard” intensity? You guessed it! The boyfriend, always a few minutes too late.
It’s always nice when characters in horror films actually mourn their dead friends, so seeing Noah in a grief-stricken daze felt real and affecting. His first love had been drowned in a casket! That’s the sort of thing not even mylar balloons and a latté can help you recover from.
Because he was still relegated to a hospital bed on account of getting stabbed nearly to death, Noah instructed his friends to go into his bedroom, dismantle his murder wall, and dispose of all his murder-themed artifacts. He had had it with murder. But this gave them an opportunity to find a clue in his stash that not even a murder obsessive had picked up on…
It was an old newspaper clipping from a season 1 funeral in which Eli was standing in the background! But why was he at a funeral for a slain character he hadn’t met yet? And why wasn’t he wearing a black suit? And what kind of newspaper prints a photo of a funeral, anyway? Whatever the case, Eli was now seeming even creepier than usual, and that’s saying something.
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Because the mayor had bribed Eli’s mom to leave town (for reasons I honestly can’t remember at this point), Eli refused to move away and promised he’d personally “deal with” the mayor once and for all. That’s why he then broke into the mayor’s manse in a black hoodie. (I think we were supposed to believe this meant Eli was also the killer, but come on. This was just Eli being Eli.) Anyway, he found a stack of VERY incriminating paperwork in the mayor’s desk, and just to prove Eli was extra hardcore, he left a rude note behind!
Damn, that was a cold-blooded move. The mayor took one look at the note and fell to his knees weeping in fear. Just kidding, he stared at it with the dead eyes of a mannequin.
NEXT: An actual investigation occurs!
Sheriff Acosta was now suddenly feeling like he maybe wanted to stop the killer, so he decided to track down anyone who might have ties to Piper. First on his list? The high-school psychology teacher, who had once attended Piper’s elementary school with her — and then lied about knowing her and secretly recorded all the teenagers’ private conversations. After several minutes of unsolicited opinions about why the sheriff’s son is probably a pretty chill guy, she finally put the blame on Emma for all of it. In other words, this lady was a complete psychopath and should probably be in a facility for a while.
Brooke and Stavo’s torrid hotel love affair continued, as they enjoyed room service and fancy bathrobes and tons of sex (I’m guessing). But I loved when they parted ways, with Brooke standing beside her very expensive SUV and Stavo on his BMX. It was the rare moment in a teen-mystery thriller where it’s like, “OH RIGHT, these are children.” But they’re in love now, so congrats, kids.
As part of this episode’s big reveal that Stavo is a cool guy, he visited Noah in the hospital and refused to offer condolences, and instead gave him a fully illustrated graphic novel about how Noah is a badass who will probably stop the killer. Okay, Stavo. It’s the thought that counts.
Kieran, Emma, and Audrey now believed Eli was the prime suspect, so Kieran snuck into Eli’s bedroom and “found” the original letters Audrey had written to Piper. Very incriminating, indeed!
But because we’re dealing with two brainiacs who didn’t seem to realize they were working WITH the killer at this very moment, their bold plan was to put all the evidence back where they’d found it and, uh, who knows. Investigate more? It was a great plan.
To his credit, Eli looked very hurt that Kieran had been going through his stuff. It was bad cousin etiquette and everyone knew it. (Also I love how Eli and his mom just casually drink beer together on the porch. Can’t fault that parenting.)
In tribute to Zoe, Noah recorded his “final” podcast and included a lengthy eulogy to his dead girlfriend. But just when he attempted to upload it, guess what happened? He got hacked! And a DIFFERENT, better-produced podcast appeared in its place.
I probably don’t have to tell you this, but Noah was not very jazzed about this turn of events. He’d had a rough few days and this kind of computer chicanery was getting on his nerves.
NEXT: Literal blood on their hands
As you might have expected, Noah’s false podcast attempted to make the case that Emma and Audrey were the true killers. Yes, it included tons of shadily procured secret camera footage of them nosing around crime scenes. And yes, the argument appeared in a video that had been illegally uploaded via hacking, but sometimes that’s enough. People don’t tend to ask questions in this town. The two main ladies were now in real trouble!
But at the moment they were off the grid, investigating that farmhouse with the secret room — where they discovered Emma’s dream journal! The killer had stolen it and left it there, apparently after he’d successfully incorporated passages from it in the podcast video. I’m surprised he didn’t then take it and attempt to get it published at a major literary agency, because that’s how good Emma’s dream journal must be. Aside from the nightmare stuff, it’s probably 200 pages of dreams about soap and hand lotion.
Okay, in another admittedly very scary scene, Brooke’s father showed up (ostensibly to deal with the blackmail threat initiated by Eli’s theft) and kept texting the killer, only to hear the killer’s ringtone at the back of the barn. It was a creepy concept and one of the first times Scream‘s use of modern technology actually made things scarier. Anyway, he got stabbed with a pitchfork.
Emma and Audrey tend to make interesting decisions, and in this case they decided to investigate the weird noises coming from the barn. That’s when they realized the weird noises were actually the death rattle of a dying mayor!
Of course, they ended up getting literal blood on their hands and ALSO picked up the murder weapon just as the police arrived. (Who, you know, had been tipped off by Kieran himself, because at this point the show wasn’t even really trying to hide it anymore?)
Anyway, they had some explaining to do, and considering how articulate neither of them are, it was going to take a while. In the meantime: Jail!
We ended with the image of both girls in the back of a cop car, just reevaluating all of their life choices for the past few years. They were clearly not in a great place these days and this arrest just made it clearer.
“Heavenly Creatures” was a pretty good episode compared to the rest of them. It honestly counts for a lot that I felt slightly tense during several of the scenes. The whodunnit remains more of a whocareswhodunnit at this point, but it’s undeniably exciting to be reaching the climax. And with only three parents remaining, who will be the next parent to bite the dust? Stay tuned, parents!