The Green Meanie is finally unmasked, but a new maniac decides to join the killing spree
Credit: Michael Becker/Fox

This is the week, friends, when the Green Meanie is finally unmasked! Of course, it’s not a complete answer to the mystery of who’s behind these hospital murders, but it’s at least one of the answers. Wink, wink! What better way is there to kick off an important and eye-opening episode than with a healthy competition?

Dr. Hawful, everyone’s favorite deadpanning physician, surprises the hospital staff with a friendly competition to bring everyone’s spirits up. Well, it should be stated Hawful has her own awful reasons for posing the blood sport. See, whoever can collect the most blood bags from donors will earn a getaway to Blood Island. This serves as the perfect guise for Hawful to finally ship Chanel and her lemmings off to Timbuktu, ridding her beloved hospital of the dirge she’s forced to work with every day. Let the games begin.

Chanel targets the blood of her own followers, not for the same slasher reasons of the Green Meanie, though. Chanel holds her own personal blood drive to win and to keep from having to donate too much of her own. Chanel #5 is an easy donor, as she currently can’t move much, so strapping her down and taking pint after pint serves as an easy task for Chanel. Of course, taking blood entirely from one person won’t serve Chanel’s hope for glory, so she turns to the latest addition: Chanel #9. She believes the newbie will have no problem offering up her crimson water, as #9 is an “emo” and “used to needles,” as Chanel puts it. Surprisingly for Chanel, though, #9 has an irrational fear of the sharp instrument and refuses to donate anything other than helpful advice.


Everyone tries to use this contest to their advantage, even the mature and wise Zayday Williams. Visiting the supposed mother of the Green Meanie, she tries to get a blood sample in order to learn baby’s blood type so she can cross-reference it with the entire hospital staff. This could not only rule out her new buddy Chamberlain, but also provide a real list of suspects. Chamberlain is already privy to this and maintains his innocence throughout, even telling Zayday he knows they can figure out who the real baby is if they work together. Zayday sticks to her gut and keeps her distance, apologizing to her friend for taking the safe road.

NEXT: The killer is revealed!

Once again, Chanel adopts the completely opposite strategy. Realizing she won’t win the contest with pumping blood from #5 alone, Chanel drops in on a mobile blood drive to steal an entire oversized purse worth of blood bags for her collection. Good work, Chanel; always the savvy shopper! Before she can truly bask in her genius, she realizes most of her old blood bags are missing, but doesn’t have to go too far to learn Hester has stolen them for her own sick and twisted experiment. Leave blood around and Hester’s bound to find something interesting to do with it, right? A new patient, who believes himself a vampire, can’t stop drinking blood. Hester enacts the old “Blurred Lines Cure,” as she calls it, which basically means the patient will have to drink blood until he can’t stand it anymore. Surprisingly, this works to cure the man, but Hester had to use a good deal of the STD blood to get the job done.

Chanel learns of Munsch’s betrayal and sabotage from Hester’s strange cure, not only winning Holt’s favor back but also putting her back into the competition. Chanel knows she needs just a bit more blood, though, and once again turns to #9. This time, Chanel straps down her new follower, quickly showing her how easy giving blood can be when a professional does it. #9 breathes a sigh of relief from finally overcoming her fear of needles, but Chanel being Chanel, she leaves the donor alone and strapped down. The Green Meanie steps in to take a new victim, but the twist to end all twists begins to unravel instead.

Dr. Hawful makes the boldest move of all the psychos in the hospital by confronting the Green Meanie without hesitation. She shows no signs of worry the killer will take her and offers to kill #9 herself if the Meanie takes off their mask. The killer reluctantly agrees…and it’s none other than Dr. Cascade! It turns out Zayday was correct in thinking the baby born all those years ago was the killer. Cascade and Hawful make a deal to join forces, but with the caveat that Hawful has control over what punishment befalls the Chanels.

With #9 pumped dry of all her blood, another life is sadly taken — but it also gives Chanel a huge lead in the competition. Hawful’s plan to have Chanel win seems to fall into place, but the one major mistake she makes is underestimating Chanel’s need for luxury. Sure, Chanel won and earned a trip to Blood Island with some sexual healing from Dr. Holt, but her means of getting there isn’t up to par. Hawful should’ve known Chanel would need a charter flight to get to wherever this appropriately named island is located. Chanel decides to throw the trip away, sending Hawful into a spiral of rage — and since we now know her true motives, this probably won’t prove beneficial Chanel’s well-being.

Hawful isn’t too hard to cheer up, though, and Cascade knows just how to do it. Giving her a replica Green Meanie costume, the two don their killer getups and stalk down the halls, ready to team up and take out some new victims.

And there we have it, folks: The reveal of the Green Meanie! With two killers on the loose — and supposedly a third, unidentified maniac also dropping bodies — who’s next for the chopping block, and why?

Episode grade: B+

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