Leave it to Scorpion to make Smash look muted.
That’s right, kids. It’s Scorpion season again, and let’s all sit down together…we’re friends here. This show is absolutely bonkers. Crazy town. That’s why we’ve come back for a fourth season. When we last left these geniuses behind, Walter and Paige were performing coitus, which is genius speak for having sex. And when we meet back up with them, they’ve finished, and Walter — purveyor of emotionless logic — has decided that he’s going to break out in song. SONG. So, we open season 4 with a musical number, which is often the kiss of death for a television show, but we live in crazy town in the world of Scorpion, so it doesn’t even matter.
I have three notes about that musical number, by the way — three notes that align perfectly with Scorpion. I was uncomfortable, Katharine McPhee was underused, and I ended it feeling slightly refreshed? Question mark?
After season 4 opens up with that, we get back to the norm with a return from Mark Collins, the perennial Team Scorpion villain. But as far as we know, he’s here to help because the season is opening up with an extinction event that Collins has done extensive work on. If the season opener doesn’t involve the entire world falling apart, did Scorpion even return to CBS Monday nights? Collins gives Walter a call from jail because it’s his research that has pinpointed this cataclysmic event, and they head to the Arctic with Collins in tow — but he can’t get too far away from the team without the equivalent of a human shock collar going off.
What is going to make Scorpion super interesting this season is the balance between Paige and Walter now that there’s an official relationship on the books. She questions Walter, as a team member of course, on his judgment for brining Collins along for the mission, and Walter responds as the team lead and not her boyfriend: It’s his call to make, solely. And she doesn’t love that. If last season was about seeing Happy and Toby work out the semantics of team and relationships, this round belongs to Walter and Paige.
Elsewhere, while Happy and Sly go down into the icy depths to do work on saving the world, Happy forces Sly to open up about what he’s been holding back on. Since Megan died, he’s admittedly been a little sidelined, and when he admits that he read his obituary, and it’s “pretty short,” it sheds light on the fact that Sylvester deserves a good storyline. I mean, hunky Shadow Cabe got, like…his own in-depth story arc. It’s time to take care of our boy, Sly.
The team takes care of the issue plaguing humanity pretty quickly, but the real issue (well, issues, because let’s be honest…it’s Scorpion) is when Happy realizes that if she and Sly don’t get out of that pit soon, the gas from the chemical they’re using will kill them. In a moment of panic, Collins knocks Toby into an icy water hole at the same time, meaning Happy and Sly’s lives are on the line and Toby is, well, a human ice cube. Happy isn’t pleased, but it’s a true redeeming moment for Collins, who jumps in for Toby. Before they can have their Titanic door moment, they’re both saved.
Meanwhile, it’s nice to see after four seasons that Paige is getting something substantial to do. She pulls Sly and Happy up using a winch from the truck on site. Naturally, Sly loses his wedding band, and for a man with little else he deems worthy of being proud of, his marriage to Megan is his hallmark. Granted, that’s a tape wedding band, so…that’s questionable, but hey. Live your life. Happy goes back in for it, but she isn’t able to snag it. And that cave is too full of poisonous gas to go back.
The whole episode is an interesting one for Scorpion because as Collins points out, while there’s been a lot of change, “at the end of the day, there’s no end of the day.” Collins has changed, but has he? Paige and Walter’s relationship seems stable, but can Walter handle it? These will surely be some of the questions addressed this season, but before we can get to that, there’s an earthquake. When a generator falls into that poisonous pit, it causes the explosion the whole team was hoping to prevent.
The only team member who hasn’t had nearly died or done something major this episode is Cabe, so naturally he’s nominated to drive the truck toward the pit to open up the crevice wall, let water flow in, and douse the flame before it reaches a deeper methane pocket. But he needs a numbers man as well, so Collins rides shotgun. The only issue is that when Cabe goes to bail, Collins’ electric ankle bracelet gets stuck, and well… he’s literally stuck in a van mid-inferno. And if that’s not enough, he’s being electrocuted. But it’s a Scorpion premiere, so this all makes sense.
Cabe jumps into the crevice of fire, landing on the back doors of the van, breaks into the back, and saves Collins. If you’re questioning the logic of this, then you have three seasons to catch up on, friend. If you’re like the rest of us, I’m starting a Change.org petition to get Cabe on the Olympic U.S. Track and Field Team for 2020. The only thing more unrealistic than that jump is Cabe admitting that Collins might have changed for the better, like he didn’t try to kill Toby with acid in a spider web of dental floss. Read that sentence back to yourself. Monday nights are wild, man.
And with that, Collins admits that he’s doing his best to change, and he hopes they can forgive him. But his words have already hit deep with Karen Cartwright, and if she knows how to do anything other than play second fiddle to Megan Hilty and Walter O’Brien’s singing prowess, it’s doubt the legitimacy of her relationship. Walter hops up on a trunk to break into song again, but there’s no time. This is a two-part episode, and we’re not going anywhere because more methane geysers have erupted.
Again, if that seems like too much…go back and check out the past three seasons. If not? Welcome back, because that was a bona fide Scorpion premiere.
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