The only thing more dangerous than drug-carrying drones is dating in the workplace
Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS
S2 E17
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Guys. It has been a minute since we spoke last, and let’s just say that things have been shaken up for Team Scorpion.

I know. It’s a cheap pun, but a lot happened last week after that earthquake. Walter tried to admit that his social issues can keep him from being a good friend, Paige almost got blown up, Ralph ramped a truck over an evergreen, and then there’s that whole business about Happy prancing around Toby’s apartment in her bathrobe. I mean, this was eventually bound to happen since Toby and Happy had those naked survival snuggles back in the “White Out” episode, but it’s always better to see it come to life. Although, of course, dating co-workers? Not easy.

The Backstory

Fortunately, Penn Jillette is back as Toby and Walter’s therapist, Dr. Rizzuto. He is making Walter and Toby talk through “felt” puppets. (I’m not the only one making puns tonight.) In the midst of their therapy, Toby finally comes out and admits that Happy and him are a thing. YIKES! Back at the warehouse, the team is together practicing for Sylvester’s appearance on The Price Is Right (Jeopardy! rejected him because life isn’t fair). When Walter gets back, he stops and stares at Happy, followed by Toby grabbing Happy for a talk. It’s at that moment he decides to announce their relationship to the whole group by announcing the formation of #Quintis. It’s like he’s tweeting along with us!! Happy is mortified. Sylvester is baffled. And then there’s Toby, who is so proud that he’s literally standing on a box. But this is Scorpion, and there’s bigger trouble afoot here.

The Mission

Cabe brings in Sanchez from the Drug Enforcement Administration, who talks to Team Scorpion about heroin that seems to be flown in from Mexico via drone. (THANKS, OBAMA.) The drugs and the drones are causing all kinds of problems, and it’s up to Scorpion to find a way to stop them from delivering the drugs back and forth across the border. Nancy Reagan was right when she said that the drug epidemic in America was RELENTLESS. Meanwhile, in the midst of developing a strategy to take the drones down, Toby is already showing signs of being a stage-five clinger. Happy points his behavior out to him, but she’s not the only one who’s noticed. Walter tells Toby to stay behind back at the warehouse this mission because his relationship with Happy is a distraction and that he can either decide to nix Quintis entirely or one of them should quit (or let’s be honest, get fired). Paige stays behind to level with Toby.

The Execution

Out in the field, the team works on a radar gun to use and shoot down the drug drones. The gun works like a charm, but as Sylvester goes out into the field to pick up his test drone, a huge fleet of drug drones is flown in, led by a gun-toting lead drone. Once the drones have passed and made it across the border, the team jumps into action with a new plan. Using radio interference, Scorpion creates a “static canyon,” causing the drones to have to fly down a specific path, which allows Walter and the team to take the drones out one by one. The plan works and Walter begins shooting the drones down — all except for one, which seemed to be immune to the radar gun. The team has to chase the escaped drone down because if the drug gang figures out that it’s immune, they’ll make more to mimic it.

Cabe and Walter take off for the drone once it has landed, but as Cabe reaches it, the drug lords catch him. All of a sudden, we’re in a full-on shoot out. Walter manages to grab the drone as the team escapes, but they’re followed by another gun-toting drone because technology is RUINING OUR LIVES. First it’s your iPhone; then it’s your life, am I right? Fortunately, Cabe casually hops out of the car, shoots the drone down old-school style, and then says, “John Wayne.” Oh, Cabe.

NEXT: Happy’s Anatomy

The Revised Execution

Once the drone is stopped, Happy discovers a bullet has gone through the oil pan, seizing the engine up to their getaway car. Unfortunately, one of those bullets also hit Sanchez, who has some serious bleeding. Happy and Sylvester take him to a shack to lay down, but by the time they get him there, the bleeding has increased. Sly comes up with a plan to use the inside of a cactus as a sponge to replace an actual medical sponge. Back at the warehouse, Toby begins to flip out, saying that a doctor should have been on this case. Paige defends Walter’s decision, but when she does, Toby turns on “Ms. Feelings” and calls her and Walter out, saying that the only excuse they can use for not being together is the fraternization rule. Katharine McPhee hasn’t been so vulnerable on screen since all those weird pregnancy scenes in The House Bunny.

Back out in the Desert of Nancy Reagan’s Nightmares, Walter and Cabe use a small bomb to stun the drug lords. They attempt to steal their car to go grab Sly, Happy, and Sanchez, but then more drug lords hop on their tails. Sanchez warns Happy and Sly of an impending switchback, but before they can relay the information back to Walter and Cabe, he seizes and goes unconscious. With no time to spare, Toby tells Happy that he’s going to have to walk her through field surgery, involving a nail, some tubing, and tequila (one shot for sterilization, one shot for Happy, of course). He tells Happy to insert the nail into Sanchez’s back, but Happy panics. Toby (being the world’s best genius boyfriend) calmly tells her that he believes in her and that the body is nothing more than a machine. He guides her through the procedure, effectively pulling all the gross pink fluid out of Sanchez’s abdomen. Meanwhile, I’m still throwing up.

Sanchez wakes up in just enough time to let Cabe and Walter know that they’re trapped as they drive up on a dead end. They have no idea what to do, but after realizing that Happy gave Walter her phone, Toby has an idea. The drug lords hold Cabe and Walter at gunpoint and knock them down, but all of a sudden, a buzz comes through the air, and Sly’s drone takes the lead. The other gun drones follow behind. Somehow the drones have been programmed to follow Sly’s drone and attack on the drug lords…but how?

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Back at the warehouse, Toby has taken Walter’s corporate credit card and bought a cotton candy machine. He doesn’t seem too worried about losing his job because he’s too worried about losing Happy. Why is she so pissed at Toby? Oh, because he installed tracking software on Happy’s phone, which also allowed him to rig the device to control the drones that ensured Team Scorpion’s success. She tells Toby that he’s not going to lose her, physically or figuratively, but he can’t be hovering over her like…well…a drone.

On the other side of the spectrum, Walter confronts them and says, “I assume your relationship has been resolved? Good.” Paige tries to break the emotional situation down to Walter using a science metaphor because she’s such a Paige (love you, Paige, mean it) and explains that sometimes you need to evolve to adapt to new situations. That’s when Quintis enter and announce that they’re a package deal, and they’re not leaving. Walter caves, allowing both of them to stay, but we’re still no closer to a Waige reunion. Remember when Walter grabbed Paige’s hand after Megan died? Remember when they kissed? Remember when these geniuses gave us something to believe in? Sigh.

Paige’s Feel Board:

  • “We touched parts.” —Toby, explaining the next step in his and Happy’s relationship/the only way we should ever refer to sex again
  • Just a suggestion: We should have Ralph in every episode. That tiny little James Bond man is always necessary.
  • FEDORA SHADE: Walter uses his fedora-toting puppet and says, “I chase Happy Quinn around like a school girl, and I probably wear this hat in the shower.”

So what do you think? Any chance of seeing a Waige reunion by the end of the season? Or is it going to take Walter driving another fancy car off a cliff for these two to get the memo? We’ll find out soon enough.

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