Dax Exclamationpoint was the weak link on Team Shady, having a hard time with an arm-locking move and subsequently getting all shaky and over-thinky. Jamal agreed with Acid that the team should forget a dance move in which they mime shooting up heroin — good call, Jamal! He also cast the deciding vote in letting Thorgy mime-punch Acid in the face, which Thorgy was thrilled about. Long before the actual performance, Chi Chi and Acid Betty were already planning to throw the other under the bus.
On the sweeter, softer team, the members of Team Lady all vowed to help Kim Chi play to her strength, which was her nerdy personality. Kim Chi was still down, though, and went to the Shade Tree — which is exactly like the Giving Tree, in spirit — to confess her woes. She then told the Werk Room her sad story about being the weird, fat art kid with the lisp and strong accent who used to be 350 pounds. She’s so convinced no one would be interested in her that she’s stayed a virgin, leading Acid Betty to confess that she was trying to hit on her earlier. Guess who else used to be fat? The talk was getting REAL, and I was loving it. And then Chi Chi piled on the too-realness with memories of being in a gang and owning a gun and smelling freshly blown-out brains.
On that note, let’s sashay to the Runway, where the delightful composer Lucian Piane and BIGTIME songwriter and star of Pitch Perfect (let’s not mention Pitch Perfect 2) Ester Dean were on hand to guest-judge the teams. The performance was really quite impressive — that just goes to show how brilliantly the editing can make rehearsals look even more disastrous than they probably were. The Shady Bitches definitely had the more fun lines and hard-hitting choreography, but I was also impressed with Team Lady; Kim Chi did about as well as she could in making her disastrous dance skills look like a character trait. I swear I went to college with that Asian girl character Kim Chi was playing — she was obsessed with John Mayer and wanted to become an OB-GYN. A few other highlights: Cynthia’s shoe flew off and hit the rafters, Bob hammed it up, and Thorgy served so much attitude and face.
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Now let’s skip straight to the runway critiques. Acid Betty landed in the top group with an incredible 1970s Pat Cleveland look and an architectural fan-like web next to her face. Jamal praised her team-player attitude during the challenge, which seemed to confuse the rest of the queens and the American viewership. Michelle engaged in negative thinking by saying Acid had raised the bar so high that when she’d eventually fall, she’d fall hard; Acid took that as a challenge.
Thorgy was also a top contender with the sparkly black jumpsuit. Michelle criticized her overly heavy eye makeup, and Ester clocked her ugly shoes. But the win went to Chi Chi for her performance during the challenge — Ru marveled at one moment when Chi Chi had been upside down, twerking, AND serving up crazy neck twerks at the same time. The compliments didn’t extend to her basic red dress or the grasp on geography. When her prize was announced as four nights in a New England bed and breakfast, she asked, “I get to go overseas??” (Also, is it just me, or does that prize sound like a Stephen King nightmare novel?)
NEXT: An “I Will Survive” catastrophe