The 15 Division heads into a prison that's run as poorly as Litchfield.

Credit: Caitlin Cronenberg/ABC
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The 15 Division lives by a very strict Murphy’s Law—therefore it would be basically impossible for these cops to enter a prison and not have something go wrong. That’s why you could probably see what was coming in “Uprising” when Oliver announced “prison transfer” at roll call.

The gang has been tasked with escorting two female prisoners from Pine Valley Correctional Center. McNally and Ward are taking inmate Kenzie Grant to Northpoint Maximum Prison because she stabbed her cellmate. Peck and Collins get the easier job of transferring Rochelle Dawber to Sandwood; the warden says she’s the exact opposite of Kenzie.

Apparently when cops enter a prison, they have to surrender their weapons before going behind the locked doors—which is an immediate red flag that things are about to get messy. It takes, oh, about 10 seconds for McNally and Ward to enter one of the cellblocks and to become ensconced in a full-on prison brawl. The guards here at Pine Valley are apparently just as incompetent as the ones on Orange Is the New Black, so they’re all knocked out quite quickly and the 15 cops are left to fend for themselves.

McNally and Ward are able to get to a somewhat secure area with their prisoner, Kenzie, before the full lockdown goes into effect. Peck and Collins had already begun to exit with their prisoner before the riot started, so they would have been safe, except Peck went back to see what was going on. Now she’s stuck in a cellblock with an older woman who says, “Welcome to my lair” (but turns out to be harmless). And Collins is in a basement with his prisoner, Rochelle.

And here the even bigger problems start to pop up: Kenzie has been stabbed in the gut and needs medical attention. The warden won’t let anyone in to diffuse the situation because she says, “A prison riot is like a candle under a glass.” Oliver and Diaz are there to help, but she won’t let them go rescue their guys because they would just add oxygen to that candle flame. (Is there any movie/TV show warden who isn’t terrible?)

McNally and Ward want to get Kenzie to the entrance to get her EMS help, but instead she pulls a knife on Ward. She says they have to go to the infirmary, which is where her cellmate, J-Bird, is recovering. Remember the warden said she had stabbed said cellmate? Well, Kenzie says she didn’t do it—that they’re actually best friends and she needs to know why J-Bird is lying. She needed to know so badly that she started a prison riot and stabbed herself to get to the infirmary. Both J-Bird and a prison guard named Donnolly have named Kenzie as the attacker. Donnolly just happens to no longer work for the prison. I smell a conspiracy!

Meanwhile Collins is with Rochelle, the non-violent prisoner, down in a basement. They’re locked in, so she’s using the time to explain to him how she’s an “Indigo Child,” which is some kind of new age-y thing in which more light falls on her than on most people, she has a bigger shadow, etc., etc., etc. All of this was actually just a distraction for her to get close to the gate, where she can swipe a keycard and run away from Collins.

Back at the 15 Division, we learn how she got that keycard: Traci is questioning the former guard, Donnolly. He doesn’t take long to crack… it’s amazing how just saying, “call your lawyer” makes so many TV suspects open up. It turns out Donnolly was hooking up with Jodi/J-Bird, and Rochelle walked in on them once. And because she’s a sociopath, Rochelle concocted this whole elaborate plan: Stabbing J-Bird out of jealousy and making J-Bird blame Kenzie or else she would stab Kenzie too. She played puppetmaster to them all.

NEXT: Rochelle keeps getting the upper hand.

And just to ensure that her plan (that seems to have no motivation?) works, Rochelle heads to the infirmary to check on/finish off (?) J-Bird. In the infirmary she finds McNally and Ward doing compressions on an unresponsive Jodi. The distraction of Rochelle coming in gives Ward the opportunity to knock the knife out of Kenzie’s hand and cuff her. Problem is the knife ends up in Rochelle’s hands.

However, lest we forget, there’s an entire prison riot going on. And right about now is when the other prisoners start rushing to the infirmary for the free drugs. Just as McNally is able to get J-Bird back, Rochelle unlocks the door and uses the rush of women as a cover to go and stab J-Bird. But her timing is not so great. The warden finally lets help in and the team sets off some type of sound bomb and take out everyone in the room—cops included.

Hooray! Everyone survived the day—including little baby Swarek. Marlo and Sam spent the episode inside their own personal hell: waiting to hear what was wrong with Marlo’s most recent ultrasound. They were waiting and worrying for way too long, but the radiologist finally came to say everything was fine with “her.” That’s right! Baby Swarek is now Baby Girl Swarek. Sam heads home to tell Andy, and they end up having this weird exchange:

Andy: Where are things going to go with us?

Sam: Up.

Andy: How?

Sam: Hearts.

I have no idea what that means, but it seems impossible that their relationship will continue going up when we’re only on episode 3—this is Rookie Blue after all.

Crime Beat

  • Oliver, for no ostensible story line reason, was wearing an eye patch. He had a cat hair lodged in his eye, and cat hair carries a germ that gave him a corneal infection. Gross, gross, gross.
  • Duncan and Chloe: Thing or not a thing? Duncan trying to ask Dov if she’s available—somehow this involved him doing a body roll and disclosing that he likes to pee sitting down—was hilarious, but that match might just be too odd.
  • Gail’s chats with Odelle, the older prisoner, seemed inconsequential until she started talking about kids. She told Gail to make a bucket list of things to do before she officially adopts because once she has “youngsters,” “You can’t do things on a whim.” We later learn that Odelle is behind bars because she murdered her husband—after he accidentally killed her children. So Gail takes this woman’s words to heart and pinches a somewhat random woman’s butt. Her pre-kids bucket list has one less item now.
  • WHAT IS UP WITH JULIET? During the prison break, Kenzie recognized her, but she was able to explain it away to Andy by saying she fell in love while undercover. However, when she once again meets with the strange man, it’s clear she’s still lying about something big.

Rookie Blue

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