Things aren’t looking so hot for the crew without Phil. While the kids hang out on the tour bus eating cold pizza and bemoaning Phil’s expulsion, we learn someone has been stealing the band’s cases (though what’s in those cases, I’m not entirely sure) — even Kelly Ann’s workbox was hidden behind a Zamboni. (Finally, a reason to use the word ‘zamboni’ in a recap!) The crew is uneasy and thinks Staton-House’s opener, The Head and the Heart, are to blame. After all, they’ve gotta be jealous they’re not the headliners, amiright? The crew thinks all this disarray is because Bill pretty much sucks as a leader, and they all agree none of this would be happening if Phil was still around. They miss him so much, they wear custom “WWPD” shirts.
Shelli thinks The Head and the Heart are playing dirty, too. Bill reminds her Reg just fired three people, and any one of them could be seeking revenge. But nobody’s really listening to Bill these days — he’s feeling anxious and even googles signs of a heart attack. He has good reason to be stressed: In order to cut costs, Reg plans to fire one more person and is arranging sit-downs with the crew to learn about what exactly it is that they do. Gulp.
WANT MORE? Keep up with all the latest from last night’s television by subscribing to our newsletter. Head here for more details.
Over plates of buttery toast at a diner in Memphis, we learn Reg’s nickname — it’s “Double D,” which stands for “Douchebag Dawson,” as in Titanic’s Jack Dawson. (This is a dark moment for Kelly Ann, who doesn’t have a nickname despite her Staton-House blood, sweat, and tears.) Reg and Kelly Ann have a meet-cute over grits chitchat, which is exactly as bland as it sounds. He then proceeds to suggest that she ditched her plans to attend film school at NYU because of the spark between them. Kelly Ann is all, boy, bye.
Meanwhile, Bill tries his best to channel Phil, leading the morning circle in an awkward and uninspired speech about Elvis that only Wes seems to appreciate. As Bill fumbles his way through some semblance of a motivational speech, Shelli, a modern-day Nancy Drew (sorry, Emma Roberts) demands they find a new opener because — eureka! — she has video proof that The Head and the Heart were, in fact, behind all of the missing cases. Bill continues his bumpy motivational speaking tour and talks to The Head and the Heart about the problems they’re causing, but they’re officially over it and quit. Bill has less than six hours to find a replacement opener. And to think all this comes after his heart-attack Google search.
NEXT: Kelly Ann takes a stand
Unsure of what to do, Bill FaceTimes with Phil, who’s pulled some strings and found Staton-House a new opener — Reignwolf. Sure, Phil is still hustling for Staton-House even though he was fired (devotion, man), but he landed a pretty sick gig. He’s working on Taylor Swift’s tour in outer space (it’s the only area she hasn’t conquered). “Remember, it’s Taylor Swift’s world — she’s just letting us sit in it,” Phil says. Bill later learns Reignwolf came on board because Shelli told her T. Swift-employed husband about the conundrum with their opening act. And like a 10-year-old boy, Bill feels betrayed.
Meanwhile, Kelly Ann shows up to a beautiful hotel, clad in flannel and a Blondie tee decorated with perfectly placed holes (cough, “vintage”), skateboard in tow — of course. She’s there to see Staton-House’s front man, Christopher, who goes by the alias Dan “Mah-nuts-itch” (the concierge doesn’t get the joke). Kelly Ann and Christopher have a heart-to-heart about the crew changes. He offers her a raisin and she proceeds to go on a red-faced anti-raisin tirade: “The grape was already perfect and shouldn’t be changed…raisins are not always the answer,” she says. Christopher interprets her disdain for dried fruit as speaking out against Reg. “You have a gift, Kelly Ann, for saying what needs to be said,” he says. But she swears she was talking about the raisins. Seriously, guys, raisins.
Next comes a slew of confessions. After claiming Kelly Ann tried to get Reg fired (not true), he owns up to being the brains behind the “WWPD” shirts. “I believe in creative, cost-effective ways of allowing workers to express their frustrations,” he says. Bill confesses he misses Phil: “I can’t fill Phil’s shoes.” Clever. Roadie Donna (Keisha Castle-Hughes) confesses she iced out Kelly Ann because she felt betrayed when she left the band for all of .5 seconds. “I still love you,” Donna says, “but you’re not getting your bunk back.” Let the catty roadie games begin.
Song of the Day: Gwen Guthrie’s “Ain’t Nothin’ Goin’ On But The Rent”
Live Performance: Reignwolf’s “Are You Satisfied?”
Roadies airs at 10 p.m. Sundays on Showtime.