Dean Buscher/The CW
January 24, 2018 at 09:46 PM EST


TV Show
run date
K.J. Apa, Cole Sprouse, Camila Mendes, Lili Reinhart, Madelaine Petsch
The CW
We gave it a B-

Riverdale is a strange place. And I’m not even talking about the long-lost brothers or the serial killers or the super, super hot dads. I’m talking about the fact that Riverdale is a town where it’s perfectly normal for a middle-aged man to launch a rivalry with a teenager and, at one point, physically wrestle said teenager to the ground and no one bats an eyelash. After all, the title of this episode is “The Wrestler,” and that’s all about Hiram and Archie.

But before we get into all that, let me set the scene for you: It’s almost time for Pickens Day in Riverdale, a day dedicated to the man who founded the town we all know and love (and are confused by). The Pickens Day celebration is the perfect opportunity for the North and South Sides to come together, which is just what Lodge industries needs, and that’s why Veronica is doing everything she can to make that happen, including landing a performance by Josie and the Pussycats. But seeing as how Mayor McCoy does not approve of Veronica’s new role in her family’s business, that doesn’t quite work out.

For everyone else, Pickens Day is pretty much just a celebration of the place they call call home. At least until Jughead gets ahold of it.

For an oral history report, Jughead interviews Toni’s grandfather, one of the founding members of the Serpents. And he shocks Jug with the news that a historical figure isn’t as great as everyone originally thought! Can you imagine?!

Apparently, the land that Riverdale now calls home used to belong to a tribe. But under the order of Cheryl’s great-great-great grandfather, General Pickens led a raid on the town, thereby killing 400 men, women, and children just to get ahold of some maple trees and the occasional river. Of course, Jughead isn’t just going to listen to this and do nothing. Instead, he writes an article about it for the Blue and Gold, after which he has to apologize to Toni’s grandfather for using the poor man’s story as a pawn in his own revenge against the North Side.

But at the end of the day, the Serpents come together to protest Pickens Day, and when Hiram puts a swift end to the protest — he gives some speech about how the protest is just further proof of what a wonderful place Riverdale is — the hour ends with someone decapitating the statue in Pickens Park. Yes, it’s bad, but I’m not going to lie: Decapitating a statue with such clean lines? Impressive.

On the smaller scale of happenings this week, Chic learns what a truly terrible person Hal Cooper is. Hal spends the entire episode asking Chic questions and trying to kick him out of the house before Penelope offers Hal “comfort,” which is her favorite word for “sex.”

Meanwhile, Betty does everything she can to get to know her brother. After Chic mentions the scars he has from all of the clients his landlord booked for him at the hostel, Betty wastes no time in mentioning the crescent moon-shaped scars on her hand from where she digs her nails in. Because that’s totally the same thing…

Ultimately, it’s Kevin who has the real details on Chic when he remembers him from a webcam site. Turns out, Chic is a video gigolo, and when his former landlord throws out all of his stuff, Betty tries to be the supportive sister by providing him a new laptop on which he can rock the virtual worlds of people everywhere.

Later, when Chic asks why Betty’s helping him or why she even went looking for him in the first place, she tells him about #DarkBetty. She was hoping he’d have a dark side too and that they could make sense of things together. Chic’s response? Introducing Betty to webcam sex, because it’s both profitable and a fun way to escape the blackness that is your own soul. Talk about sibling bonding! (Next: Hiram vs. Archie)

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