Ringer recap: Cash 4 Gold

Well Ringer fans you can tell we’re nearing the end of the season because the episodes are getting more and more jam-packed. I mean last night’s episode didn’t even have a shot of Siobhan’s GINORMOUS PHOTO. Clearly, there’s not enough time to indulge in my favorite item in the Martin house but there’s more pressing issues, like introducing characters with horrible names like Cash and thritysomethings texting as if they were on Gossip Girl (“Where r u”). Oh well. There’s still a few episodes left and plenty of time for gratuitous shots of the GINORMOUS PHOTO. So there was some stuff with Machado and Macawi and Madoobadoo and Macaroon but let’s just skim over that.

PARIS IS BURNING

We open with Siobhan strolling along a lovely green screen—I mean—Parisian bridge and having a phone conversation with Henry. He tells her about Tyler’s unfortunate demise and the fact that the flash drive is missing. We then flashback to 6 months ago and Siobhan confronting Andrew about all the funny business at Martin/Charles, all while wearing a really unflattering blouse. Andrew, angry at her accusations and, potentially, her blouse, threatens to kill her. She admits to Henry that she thinks Andrew actually hired a hitman to kill her. Finally Siobhan flies back to NYC to see Henry whose bangs have uncomfortably be sideswept. Damn, this gurl must have major frequent flier miles. Plus, she really handles jetlag well. Anyhoo, she basically spills everything to Andrew about hating Bridget for killing her son and setting her up to die by the hands of Andrew’s hitman. But there’s clearly still some stuff she’s lying about because she blames Bridget for Gemma’s death. Um that was you lady. Siobhan ends up going to Martin/Charles and pretends to be Bridget impersonating Siobhan—still with me? She basically goes all crazy bitch on him and threatens to turn him in, hoping that will force him to kill Bridget. Meanwhile, evil accent lady Olivia overhears all this and runs for the hills.

JULIET IS STILL DIM

The Martin daughter returned from—where was she again? Miami maybe? She came back though and seemed to be on good terms with her dad. Then, while waiting for the elevator at her mother’s hotel, she was approached by this hot Taylor Lautner lookalike with, um, bloody knuckles. Naturally, she was smitten and just gave the dude her digits. Later, she met up with a bruised Tessa at a coffee shop for some girl talk. Unfortunately, Juliet was too distracted by her IMing with this new dude, whose name is…Cash. I think we can all guess what I think of that name. Juliet shows Tessa his photo and she freaks out when she notices his arm tattoo and realizes he’s the dude that beat her up. Juliet then freaks out and goes to see her mom and discovers her mom hired Cash. Catherine claims she just wanted him to scare her but Juliet clearly doesn’t care and even says she wishes Siobhan was her real mother. That is definitely not gonna sit well with mommie dearest.

SOLOMON’S TRAVELS

Solomon, aka the dude from Save the Last Dance, finally returned! He and Bridget tried to track down a now-MIA Malcolm via the tracking app that he put on her phone. It led them to a scary abandoned warehouse where it appeared on dude mistook Bridget for a drug addict or a hooker. It’s still weird when SMG gets threatened and doesn’t go all Buffy on them. I keep waiting for a good roundhouse kick. The pair then head to Malcolm’s hotel where Solomon steals the security video while Bridget inquires about a “coupon” she has. True story: strippers love coupons. The pair watch the video and realize that Andrew was one of the last people to visit Malcolm. Solomon then confronts Bridget about not actually being Siobhan; he made the realization after she didn’t get car sick the first time she rode with him. Yep, her NOT barfing in the back of his towncar was the tell tale sign. Then, Bridget gets a text from Malcolm from a new number asking to meet him at the loft. The two go there and while Solomon is checking out the roof, Bridget is confronted by Andrew who insists he won’t give up on her. Then, all hell breaks loose and shots are fired. For some reason, Machado is hanging outside in a car (Doesn’t he have like a home? Or friends? Or like a dodgeball league he could join?). He goes upstairs and finds Andrew shot after he blocked the gunfire from Bridget.

Looks like next week there’s some major emotions while Bridget and Juliet wait for Andrew’s results at the hospital.

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