Ringer recap: Twin Peaks

Okay Ringer fans (special shout out to Kurtis in LA, whose awesome girlfriend Caroline I met tonight), I have news about today’s recap: It’s gonna be real short, like Warwick Davis short. Sorry but I have to catch an early flight tomorrow for EW work so I can’t stay up late and write my typical bitchfest bonanza about Ringer. So for tonight‘s episode, which sadly doesn’t include the word “whore” in its title like the previous ep, I’m going to break down my favorite moments. I know this will make your Wednesday a little less happier but just think about Siobhan’s GINORMOUS PHOTO and that will put a smile on your face!

TWINS BUT NO DEVITO So real Siobhan is pregnant with twins!!!! Yay that means there’s got to be GINORMOUS BABY PHOTOS!!! That’s such a win-win for fans but probably not as exciting for the characters. Also, it sounds like Andrew is actually the father of the babies and not Henry as previously expected. So they will be born with English accents and not bad Bieber bangs!!

MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING Andrew re-proposed to Bridget (faux Siobhan) with a candy ring which didn’t really come across as that awesome given that he already gifted her with an incredible ring. Also, Bridge then went wedding dress shopping and couldn’t bring herself to buy a Reem Acra dress. What is wrong with you, stripper?!?

MOMMIE DEAREST As if I couldn’t love Catherine more, now it’s revealed that she is actually sleeping with Mr. Carpenter who Juliet thinks is the bad guy. Catherine is the best kind of primetime soap mama! She has no morals but a closet full of animal prints! Catherine thinks that Julie is gonna tell her father the truth and so she and Mr. Carpenter leave with his money. They stop at a motel outside the city so he can shower (um okay). Naturally, Catherine runs off iwth the cash but at least leaves us with a gratuitous shot of Carpenter in a towel. That’s worth at least $50.

MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Malcolm is very 007 in this episode doing a great deal of spy work. He eventually tells Bridget that Andrew is a crook. Also, it turns out that Andrew’s assistant has the hots for Malcolm and he uses that to sneak into Olivia’s office. He’s able to retrieve some weird program that makes it seem like something is fishy at Andrew’s company. Then Malcolm tracks Olivia to this tiny accounting firm that definitely reeks of sketch. He tells Bridget that he thinks Andrew’s company is running a ponzi scheme a la Bernie Madoff. Bridget ends up telling Andrew that Olivia is up to something but he says the ponzi scheme was his idea. Oh Andrew. I knew that British accent meant you were evil!

15 MINUTES OF FAME Bridget goes to Andrew’s office and relieves his assistant who apparently only gets 15 MINUTES FOR HER LUNCH BREAK!!! What in the hell kind of sitch is that? Also, Bridget wore a crazy coat.

Those were my five favorite things about tonight‘s Ringer! Sorry this recap was more abrupt but I’ll be back next week for more bitchtastic reacts to this twin bonanza. Also, how sad was it that there were no GINORMOUS PHOTOS this week? :(

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