Bridget touches some garbage and Juliet may be hot for her new public school teacher.
Ringer Kids Gellar Chris
Credit: The CW

Truth bomb: I think last night’s episode of Ringer was their best yet. And it ended with the GIANT PHOTO of Siobhan! Perfection! But aside from the humungous portrait cameo, it all just felt more exciting than previous episodes. True, the high school moments seemed like a completely different show but the Gemma disappearance storyline was actually surprising. Also, this episode, like last week, lent itself quite well to a drinking game! Every time you heard Gemma’s voicemail, you could take a sip (We heard it at least 5 times). What more could you want? So let’s get to it…

So Andrew came home from visiting Henry and being told that Gemma wasn’t there. Bridget tucked Juliet into bed, which seemed a little odd since Juliet is like 16 years old. Anyhoo, Andrew told Bridget that he thought something weird was going on and the dude was perceptive.

We then cut to Henry cleaning like a madman, complete with bleach and rubber gloves. The whole sequence could have been an advertisement for Clorox because that stuff does really get anything out, including gruesome bloodstains. I’ll tell you what: if Henry’s literary career doesn’t work out, he should look into becoming a cleaning lady. I’m sure there are tons of rich city gals who would love a cute guy Swiffering their floors…and no that is not a euphemism.

So it was Juliet’s first day of public school and she decided to not wear pants. Clearly, her parents were not pleased about this. I was more concerned about the ginormous accessories she was wearing like that crazy chain necklace. It’s like some enlarging laser zapped all the jewelry in this apartment. Very confusing. Before she left for school, Juliet gave Bridget her stash of drugs, equally large, to dispose of.

So Juliet seemed to be enrolled in the same public school that Michelle Pfeiffer taught at in Dangerous Minds. It was a tad over the top and not exactly a commercial for the public school system. But on the plus side she did have an adorable new teacher, played by Veronica Mars’ Jason Dohring. Juliet did not make the best first impression on some bad girl named Tessa with atrocious lip-gloss and matching eye shadow. Eventually the two gals ended up in a catfight that was broken up by some teachers including Veronica Mars cutie.

Juliet was sent to the principal’s office and the principal was played by Tara’s mom from True Blood! I half expected her to scold Juliet and then segue into a song about how Jesus can get rid of demons! Sadly, she just sorta looked serious. It’s a big week for that actress though: she’s on American Horror Story tomorrow night! Anyways, no one believed that Juliet didn’t start the fight, even her own father. But then Cute Teacher told the principal that Tessa was the guilty one. This whole story sorta had the feeling of the beginnings of a teacher/student affair. It frankly felt way more One Tree Hill than Ringer. Felt like a different show.

Back in Twinsville, Bridget went to Gemma’s house and ran into Henry who was acting like a total cray cray. He basically accused her of killing Gemma which I don’t even think would be physically possible unless Bridget was actually Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The whole thing also just made him seem all the more guilty. Also, WHERE ARE THEIR CHILDREN?!? All this stuff has been happening and there’s been no sign of them.

Bridget returned to the apartment and immediately went straight for Juliet’s stash. If only she had her NA sponsor. Oh wait—she does but he’s being doped up and tortured by a gangster dude. Speaking of Malcolm, there was a whole subplot where Agent Machado returned to Wyoming after Malcolm was reported missing. He and his team raided that strip club that the bad dude owns but never found Malcolm. I kinda feel like that plotline is a little too seedy for this show. It just seems icky. Strippers and drugs should not be involved in a show about giant portraits…I mean…a show about twins.

NEXT: We learn that…the Eiffel Tower is in Paris!

So Bridget called new cute NA sponsor Charlie who I’m really starting to dig. They met at a coffee shop and she gave him Juliet’s stash, which Charlie promptly threw away. Then Bridget took a pretty standard Ringer minute to stare in a oddly placed mirror in the coffee shop. Reflections! Twins! The same person! It was all very heavy. But it gave Bridget a moment to think.

She left the shop and called Henry and asked him where he disposed of the bloody towels he used to clean and the broken ceramics. He told her and then Bridge did a little dumpster diving. A few seconds later we saw her making an anonymous phone call to the police telling them exactly where the evidence was located. This is when I said out loud, “What in the hell?”

The police came and questioned Henry about Gemma’s disappearance and even took him into the station. But not before mentioning that a “woman” placed the anonymous tip. Um helloooo cops. You just gave him a real big hint. Henry was eventually let go when the cops seem to get distracted by a new piece of evidence. One of them calls Agent Machado to say that the evidence had fingerprints all over it of a fugitive he’s tracking named Bridget Martin! This is the second time I said “What in the hell?” Well it appears old Bridget did indeed go dumpster diving but took off her rubber gloves and purposefully touched the evidence. This is when I said, “Ewwww gross.” So she’s trying to get caught. My guess is that Bridget is going to try and get Machado to think that Bridget attacked Gemma and then ran off.

Then came the GIANT PHOTO cameo! Bridget walked over to Siobhan’s ridiculously large portrait and stared in the same direction, creating a funny/cool image. Twins! They look the same! The same eyes! Didn’t you get that they’re twins! Love it. I just imagine the direction in the moment. “Sarah, now you move over to the enormous photo of you and try and cast the exact same glance.”

Then came my other favorite visual moment: we cut to a wide shot of the Eiffel Tower and then, as if we needed this cue, the words “Paris, France.” Thank you, Ringer. Your geography skills are, as always, spot on. So real Siobhan, who looks like she hasn’t left her paid-for suite in like a week, answers her phone. Her phone etiquette this time was much better. The voice on the other end says, “The Gemma problem has been taken care of.” It’s funny because that’s exactly what I thought when they seemingly killed off Gemma last week. That character is so brutes. And Siobhan says, “I wish it hadn’t come to this.” I’m guessing shortly after that she found a mirror and began touching it her with index finger. Reflections! Twins!

Follow Tim on Twitter: @EWTimStack


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