Ringer recap: Birthday Bummer
It's the twins' birthday but, instead of taking a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, Siobhan and Bridget tell some more lies
If an episode of Ringer is gonna open with the ginormous, wall-sized photo of Siobhan, then I would typically be on board. I mean that’s just logic. But tonight’s Ringer was kind of a snooze…until the last like 10 minutes. Frankly, it all felt like filler, which isn’t a great sign when you’re on episode 4 of a (hopefully) 22 episode series! Hopefully, the fairy epic twist at the end will mean that the drama next week will be amped up. GIANT PORTRAITS FOR EVERYONE!
So the episode began with fake Siobhan (Bridget) having a dream in which Andrew confronted her about real Bridget’s duffel bag and driver’s license. It was all so disturbing for Siobhan especially since she had just come from a day of shopping. And then she turned around to see a mangled and seemingly dead real Siobhan, looking like she has definitely missed a spray tan or two. But then Bridget woke up and was greeted by Andrew with the nickname that makes me ears bleed, “Shiv.” Oof. Turns out, today is Siobhan’s birthday which of course means it’s also Bridget’s. Remember, they’re twins! In honor of her bday, Bridget decides to head out to the Hamptons and Andrew agrees to go with her but not before she talks about taking the Jitney, which makes Andrew laugh. I’ll bet Two and a Half Men really gets him chuckling too.
So Bridge heads out to the Hamptons and all I could think was “If there’s another horrendous green screen boat ride, then I’m removing this from my DVR.” Thankfully nothing like that happened. In fact, the house didn’t haven crazy green screen either. And when the actors went outside, it actually appeared to be the outdoors! Bridget went back to the bus station and removed her duffel bag but was caught on the surveillance camera. She’s not so bright that Bridge. Of course Agent Machado saw the footage and realized that fake Siobhan wasn’t telling the truth. Poor Nestor Carbonell. Honestly, I think he had more exciting scenes on Suddenly Susan. This character seems so thankless.
After she returns to the house, Bridget and Andrew spend some time outside (no green screen!) but then return home to a crashing noise. Gemma and Henry have been fighting and she threw a vase at him. Who does that in someone else’s house? Between the horrendous phone etiquette and the vase throwing, these people need to read some Emily Post. Bridget decides to get Gemma out of the house and they both go into town and have lunch. Gemma decides to do some shopping alone and, while shopping for hats to presumably hide her atrocious dye job, is approached by Agent Machado. He tells Gemma about Siobhan having a twin sister Bridget. Meanwhile, Bridget is enjoying her coffee and flashes back to when she and Siobhan were kids and bought a cheapo necklace that they gift each other every year. Also, it was revealed that even as a kid Siobhan was a snob.
Naturally, Gemma is shocked and runs home to tell fake Siobhan (Bridget) what she’s learned. No sign of shopping bags or proof that she indeed bought that quite necessary hat. Ugh. Bridget once again flashes back to her birthday six years ago when the twins were both living in Nevada. Siobhan basically tells Bridget she’s moving to NYC and doesn’t wanna see her again and gives Bridget back the necklace. In terms of learning about Siobhan from this flashback, well, we saw that she lived in a really janky apartment with bad wood paneling and really bad wall art. Basically, we saw an early version of the bad taste that led to the giant Siobhan photo. Very revealing.
Meanwhile back in Paris, real Siobhan was once again hitting the bar and wearing a completely inappropriate out, complete with oversize chunky necklace. Lady clearly packed only the basics. She basically was spying on Tyler, the dude she almost barfed on last week during their hook-up. She tried to apologize for her behavior but he didn’t seem to care and had an even hotter lady with him. As he walked away, she took a call and I believe said, “Hey Snack.” I could be confused but what I’m gathering is her partner in this weird con on the other end of the phone is a Snickers bar.
NEXT: Gemma utters the greatest line in Ringer history!
Siobhan managed to get Tyler to trust her again and even take her out for a drink in which she weirdly went all nicey nicey. She told him that she left her husband and that it was her birthday and she was broke. And he bought the whole thing. Of course, she wasn’t wearing a bra while doing it so I’m sure that sorta helped sway his opinion.
In the Hamptons, Bridget snuck out in the middle of the night to get rid of her duffel bag but ran into Henry who must be the least discrete cheating husband ever. He assumed she was coming to meet him for a horizontal mambo session. We flashed back once again to a year ago: Siobhan and Henry met out in the Hamptons for a fling. After some fireside lovemaking, the pair cuddled and Siobhan opened her mail — real romantic stuff. Bridget had sent her the necklace once again for her bday. Siobhan got misty and then Henry read from his novel which was either called City Burns or City Birds — I couldn’t quite hear. Either way, his book is about some sort of acid spill or pigeons.
Finally, it was time for the big bday celebration but Bridget started feeling weirdly emotional after eating meat (don’t even ask) and retreated to her bedroom to find the beloved necklace. Henry, once again being completely indiscreet, followed her and the pair began discussing their relationship and the pregnancy. Wouldn’t this weird out the rest of the dinner party if literally HALF the guests disappeared at the same time? Especially when one of the other guests is convinced her husband is hiding something? Naturally, Gemma was hiding behind the door and heard everything. Dinner was served and everyone retreated out to the beach for a lovely candlelit dinner complete with a chandelier (God knows what it was hanging from — they were in the middle of the beach!).
Returning to Paris, Siobhan wakes up in Tyler’s room and he tells her that he’s gotten the hotel owner to comp her room for as long as she wants. Clearly, this lady has some bedroom skills that go beyond not wearing a bra! While he’s in the bathroom, she rifles through his briefcase and steals a memo with a series of money amounts, signed by Andrew. After Tyler leaves, Siobhan speed dials the Snicker, doesn’t say hi and claims that the plan is still on! What is the plan?! And who is this devious snack food item on the other end of the line?!
The Hamptons party continued but Gemma remained silent, just staring with her Mayim Bialik mug at Bridget. Finally, it was enough and she just ran away. Bridget ran after her but found Agent Machado inside the house. He confronted her about the duffel bag and then presented the distress call Bridget made to the coast guard during the green screen—I mean boat ride. So fake Siobhan (Bridget) made up a story about Bridget running off and saying that Siobhan had just been acting strangely all to protect her sister. Then, she ran off and left the FBI in her house! What is she thinking? Why is no one clear-headed in this house? Isn’t ocean air supposed to be good for that? Machado found Bridget’s phone and noticed that she had been calling Malcolm. I mean Scooby Doo could solve the mystery at this point.
Bridget eventually found Gemma (How big is this house?) and then came the GREATEST MOMENT IN RINGER HISTORY…SO FAR. Gemma slapped the color out of Bridget’s face and uttered the Telenovela-esque line, “That’s for sleeping with my husband you whore!!!!!” I laughed out loud. It was amazing. And it got even better because then Bridget revealed that she wasn’t Siobhan at all — she was Bridget.
Sadly, no final moments of Siobhan acting rudely on the phone.
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