Ringer recap: Run, Machado, Run

It’s getting real cray cray up in the Ringer world, ladies and gentlemen. We’re only about a month away from the season finale but people are dropping truth bombs like a batch of sorority girls after one too many vodka cranberries. Now last week had a truly sad lack of GINORMOUS PHOTO shots but, thankfully, producers fixed all that with a nice lingering glance at Siobhan’s black and white mug. Best of all was that Catherine was the one staring at that photo gem. You know she was just thinking something bitchy about it (If only Ringer characters had interior monologues). Anyways, we know I love that portrait. Here are the other things that happened on the most recent episode.

Andrew is a Survivor, He’s Not Gonna Give Up

Not a big surprise but Andrew managed to survive the attacker’s gunshot, meant for Siobhan/Bridget. Agent Machado chased the masked gunman into the alley next to the loft. What is with Ringer and alley ways? It’s all very Dick Tracy. I’d like someone to count up how many scenes have taken place in an alley. So just as Machado is going to capture the attacker, a crowd lets out from God knows what (I’m guessing an evening performance of Nunsense) and the masked guy disappears into the crowd. Oddly, no one notices a masked man sprinting past them or the cop chasing the dude with a gun. Machado manages to rip the guy’s pants and out falls a Tarot card. So basically the Ringer conspiracy now involves gypsies or carnies or a gyspy carny. Later he tracks the card (unclear as to how he does this) to a dry cleaner (!) with a mysterious counter lady. Only on Ringer would even the dry cleaner have secrets!

Bridget confronts Andrew about the surveillance footage of him going into Malcolm’s apartment. He said that Olivia told him to bribe Malcolm to keep him from telling all the Martin/Charles secrets. Hmmm. Don’t trust him, Bridge! He’s got that fishy accent just like Olivia! Meanwhile, Bridget then tells him that she shot an intruder in the loft and hid the body but now the body is missing. Watching that moment, I totally forgot that entire subplot even happened. Also, we discovered that even when Andrew goes home to recover, he still dresses in business casual. Doesn’t this dude have like some silk pajamas he can change into? Or at least a Snuggie? Maybe some Pajama Jeans?

Henry Starts to Realize Siobhan’s the Mayor of Crazytown

The man who used to have bad bangs slowly begins to realize that Siobhan might not be as trustworthy as it seems after seeing how happy the Martin family is with Bridget in place. He begins to suspect that Siobhan in fact hired the hitman to kill Andrew and not the other way around. She denies it of course because that’s what crazies do. He throws her out of his house and she decides its best to come clean with the truth to Andrew. But man bangs stops her at the hospital. Later, he tells Siobhan that he was actually the one who killed Tyler Barrett. Apparently, Henry went to his hotel room to look for the flash drive and the two had a little scuffle. Henry appears to have better upper body strength than his henleys suggest and body-slams Tyler into a coffee table. He then gave the incriminating flash drive to his hot father-in-law which didn’t seem to please Siobhan at all.

Juliet Is Just Plain Screwed

That gal has not played this whole con very well and is heading towards a major beating by her beast of a mother, Catherine. After Andrew’s shooting, he and Catherine decide for her to go to Miami where it’s really safe. Yep, no unsavory types down there [said in sarcastic voice]. Has no one seen Scarface in this family?!? Catherine threatens Juliet to stick with the plan and not act out…but not before suggesting that they buy matching convertibles. Love! Catherine, I’m available for matching convertible fun!! And I love a print wrap dress!! Anyhoo, Juliet goes home to pack for Florida which weirdly includes a bunch of scarves and wool hats. She makes her mom take her by the school before leaving so she can say goodbye to some friends a.k.a. run for the hills. No one can find her and Bridget and Andrew even begin to suspect that Olivia kidnapped Juliet. But it turns out the lil’ gal just hightailed it to the Hamptons. Bridget eventually realized that’s where Juliet was hiding. In a weak moment, Juliet told Bridget the truth about her plan with her mother, Tessa and Mr. Carpenter. The pair headed back to the Martin apartment and were about to have a breakdown with Andrew when Bridget noticed Agent Machado. He told them that one of Macawi’s men was found dead and Malcolm’s wallet was nearby so it’s possible he’s met the same fate. Machado thinks Macawi believes that Siobhan is Bridget and so is now after her. So….Bridget has been hiding as Siobhan thinking that would save her from Macawi but the opposite has happened. Oh stripper. All I can say is :(

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