Bridget goes to see a psychiatrist and discovers that cute Charlie might actually be evil...but still cute.
Credit: Michael Desmond/The CW

The bitch is back, Ringer viewers! Yes, I mean me…and not Gemma who also returned this week. So I had a little DVR meltdown last week and couldn't recap but I apologize. Frankly, I think it was all conspiracy hatched by Siobhan in Paris. Clearly, she though someone was getting a little too snarky about a certain CW show. Well ha ha Siobhan! I unplugged my DVR and then replugged it back in. I'm too smart for you!

Bridget and Andrew are getting along grandly. In fact, he wants to take her on a vacation. Bridget, showing her white trash roots, suggested Ft. Lauderdale. Oh Bridge, you're showing your stripper roots. Then Andrew suggested Turks & Caicos, which she had never heard of. Clearly, Bridget never watched Wild on E! or Taradise.

So Bridget decides she needs to get rid of that cop gun that she's been hiding in her closet for like 9 episodes. This girl spends more time in the closet than Carrie Bradshaw. After finding the gun, she calls cute NA sponsor Charlie to discuss how to get rid of a firearm. Charlie answers via a Bluetooth which I gotta say drops down his sexy factor by like 50%. Also, not sexy? Keeping abrasive redheads in your basement. Yep, Charlie is holding Gemma hostage in his cellar. And he's feeding her bologna! It's like Silence of the Lambs but with deli meat. Poor Gemma. She's gonna be one of the few people who emerge from captivity and actually GAIN weight. We also learn via flashback that the agent who originally told Machado that Bridget knocked him out and stole his gun actually let her go. He also snuck his gun into Bridget's bag. Interesting development!

Meanwhile, Bridget decides that she's not gonna leave town until she figures out exactly who's after Siobhan. After some apartment searching (weirdly she didn't look behind the GINORMOUS PHOTO OF SIOBHAN), she finds a prescription for some kind of medication and the name of a doctor. Naturally, Bridget makes an appointment with the doctor. Now, this entire sequence I found awkwardly scripted and played. It just felt so

unbelievable because Bridget was clearly fishing for answers. And then when she announced that she loved Andrew? Um no. That did not feel authentic. But basically Bridget found out that she had accomplished all of Siobhan's goals, like mend things with Andrew and Juliet.

Malcolm began noticing suspicious things in Charlie's apartment like the fact that the sober dude was using alcohol-based mouthwash. Oh and dude also has no clothes or underwear. No discussion that he may just go commando. So Malcolm calls Bridget with his concerns over the fact that Charlie might not be the cute NA sponsor he claims to be.

Bridge is busy, though, plotting to sneak her way back into the shrink's office, which she does by faking a bathroom attack. Before the doctor caught her, Bridget managed to snag some notes from Siobhan's previous visit. Turns out Little Miss Paris was paranoid that she was being followed and was put on anti-depressants. She also said something about finding comfort in a church.

Charlie once again reaches out to Siobhan in Paris and tells her that he got a hold of Bridget's cop gun. Apparently, Charlie actually hired that cop to make Bridget run and plant the gun in her bag. Why would he do that? I'm so confused by their endgame but I'm definitely interested in the reveal.

NEXT: Bridget goes to church…but it's a bar! A ChurchBar!

Bridget goes to the "church" which is actually some weird bar and sees Charlie saddled up, having some cocktails. Apparently his real name is John and clearly he's not sober. Bridget calls Malcolm to meet up and compare their notes on Charlie/John. Malcolm had searched Charlie's coat while the dude took a shower (sadly we did not get a gratuitous towel scene) and found a key to a mailbox, which had a bill for this John fella. It also had an address to a different house in Brooklyn (Hi Gemma! Oh wait you can't say hi back because you're gagged and tied up in the basement!). So the pair decide to split up and Bridget will distract Charlie while Malcolm heads to this mysterious address in Brooklyn.

Bridget and Charlie once again meet in a café. These two are basically on an espresso tour of New York. Bridget just kept thanking and thanking Charlie for how nice he's been while also staring at his eyes and teeth. Lying eyes and lying teeth!!! They're so full of…lies! Bridget actually told Charlie that she wanted the gun back. Um awkward. It was sorta like giving someone a gift and then being like, "Oh hey I sorta need that iPad back." Charlie seemed suspicious but said he'd get it to her but some dude had it. Uh huh. Sure (lying teeth!!!). At the same time, Malcolm broke into Charlie's/John's other abode and snooped around in the dark but didn't find anything (Sorry Gemma!). Plus, he was interrupted by a text from Bridget when Charlie left the café. As he left the house, he discovered a phone in Charlie's kitchen. Was that Gemma's?

Charlie left Bridget at the café and walked outside, like only a few feet away, and immediately called Siobhan. Um hellooooo. Maybe not the best idea? He said that Bridget was on to his whole scam. But I did appreciate that Charlie exhibited similar bad phone etiquette to Siobhan. Only seems fair for him to give it back to her.

So there was also a snoozy subplot involving Andrew and Olivia debating to get Gemma's father to invest his money in their firm. Andrew was convinced it was a bad idea but the icy British gal wouldn't accept that. So she went to Henry's house and had him sign some new paperwork, which seemed fishy. Then, when he left to go check on the kids, Olivia went through his phone and found a photo of him and Siobhan! What?!? Really Henry? You have a photo of your mistress next to shots of your family? Bad move dude. Also, why does no one have a password protected phone?!? This entire show is a commercial for better phone safety. Or at least those tacky phone carriers that buckle onto your belt. They're a fashion faux pas but at least evil British women won't be able to snoop through your phone without you knowing.

UPDATE: In my sleep-deprived writing, I forgot to mention we FINALLY saw Gemma and Henry's twins who have red hair. Um having the audience believe that Gemma's lolli-pop red hair color is a genetic trait passed down to her kids and not the work of a vengeful salon colorist is Ringer's biggest logic leap so far.

Follow Tim on Twitter: @EWTimStack


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