The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'A hairy situation'
It’s always hard being the new kid in town, or in this case the new housewife on the show. Rather than trying to earn the ladies’ goodwill, Amber has decided to do everything she can to quickly earn a bad reputation for herself—but you know what they (they in the Danielle Staub school of thought) say, a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all. After only three weeks, she has already lied to multiple housewives. Already everyone has something to say about (or to) the Marchese family.
Last week, Nicole kept the lid on her temper to not confront Amber in her home with children around, but Amber’s accusations that she broke up a marriage can’t be ignored. And the lid on her pot of rage is fixed to blow at Bobby’s first responder’s party. Aside from fanning the flames for this season’s first Jersey brawl, Nicole must also worry about how Bobby will handle his first shindig. Essentially, she will only marry a guy who likes to entertain others in his home (entertainment through television antics don’t count). As if this party didn’t have enough drama buildup, Melissa is still upset that Amber’s husband, Jim, wouldn’t go to guys’ night out because of the Giudice’s legal problems; although Bobby lied and said it was because he thought that both Joes were too violent to be around. Even though they have never met, Joe Gorga can see right through Jim’s bulls— and plans to confront him at Bobby’s party as well.
But before the drama can start, the ladies have to make sure that they will look good. The twins take Melissa and Teresa costume shopping to get the first responder outfits, i.e. sexy fire girls, sexy nurses, sexy cops, basically any other occupation you can think of with the word “sexy” in front of it… except sailor—sorry Melissa! While shopping, the ladies naturally
plan their attack bring up Amber and her recent behavior. “When you care about a person, you don’t continue a disgusting lie,” Nicole says in confessional. She’s right. When you care about a person, you strategically wait for the most embarrassing moment to confront and humiliate them on national TV. Teresa really does seem to be changing her ways, though, and is trying her best to stay out of this mess as much as possible even though it technically all stems back to her and Joe. She is aware of her hot Italian temper (cue playback of tables flipping, host pushing, and eye-bulging moments) but has learned that’s what people are expecting from her now and she’s only feeding that expectation. We all figured that out from the first table flip, but glad she’s on the same page now.
While searching in her own closet, Dina laments a life of too many shoes and not enough physical contact. She knows she wants to start dating soon, but she is not ready yet. Did you get that? Dina is not ready to start dating yet. Before the party, Nicole visits Dina and her cats (those were cats, right?) and tells her she wants to set her up with someone for the party. NO! DINA IS NOT READY YET! Try again next month Nicole. Besides, Venus is in retrograde right now and that’s really messing with Dina’s namaste bitches. Well, Nicole doesn’t listen. She still wants to set Dina up with Matt, an attractive 34-year-old old-fashioned Jersey boy/Magic Mike lookalike. And then we learn that Nicole met Bobby at a Dunkin’ Donuts, which makes her love for DD and oral sex (as stated in the premiere) a bit more understandable.
NEXT: “Want to check a cute guy’s heartbeat?”
Because Bobby is still relatively new to the fire fighting game, the party is to raise awareness, rather than money, for the work that he and others do risking their lives every day. Just keep that in mind: This is a party to celebrate those who protect others.
The Gorgas and Giudices go to the party together, though everyone is a little disappointed Joe Giudice dressed up only in a suit. He jokes that he can be anything he wants in that outfit, including a lawyer, which is probably what Jim will show up wearing. Well, Jim actually did in fact want to do that, but Amber made him wear a police uniform to match her leather one piece. But before they arrive, Nicole puts her blind date plan in action without telling Dina, who shows up in scrubs. Nicole was quick to use her costume as a way into his heart. “Want to check a cute guy’s heartbeat?” she says literally pushing Dina and Matt into each other. Not happy with Nicole and clearly uncomfortable, Dina eventually agrees to a date. Once Nicole accomplishes that matchmaking task, she moves on to update everyone on her side of the Amber story before her opponent gets there and can persuade them differently.
Amber and Jim arrive (with friend Angela) as if there is no bad blood in the air at all. This is what will be known as the calm before the storm. After Amber called him handsome, Jim admitted in confessional that the only opinion he has about Joe Giudice was what he read in the newspaper (and seen on the show). Both Joes seem to see through Jim and instead of confronting him and making a scene, they make the mature option to get out of the situation completely and go upstairs with Bobby. Unfortunately, that didn’t make any difference. Teresa A. practically gives Amber the silent treatment when she greets her, vaguely referring to the problems with Amber and her sister Nicole. “I have no agenda; I’m in no mood to fight.” Oh right—that’s the other twin’s agenda. Teresa quickly brings Amber over to Nicole and the gang and starts to get the inevitable confrontation between the two started. Once Nicole brings Melissa’s name up, Amber snaps her fingers for the three of them to take the argument elsewhere, but that’s not a part of her agenda; Nicole is looking for a full on public apology/humiliation, whatever comes first.
Nicole also does not like to be snapped at. The camera angle prevents a clear view of what exactly happened next, so we all are going to have to take a guess and pick a side. But suddenly, somehow, Amber’s hair gets stuck to what appeared to be one of Nicole’s bracelets. And then all hell breaks loose. Things quickly become violent in the group, Twin Teresa threw water at Amber to defend her sister and Dina’s potential beau Matt had to come in and save the day. Jim was smart enough to get Amber out of the situation downstairs but dumb in pretty much every other choice he made that night. Pieces of Amber’s hair fall victim in the fight (RHONJ trademark), likely because they had actually gotten stuck in Nicole’s jewelry and weren’t purposely yanked out. But that’s not how Jim is gonna spin it. Amber is actually in fact a good actress or just losing her mind when she directly contradicts herself in a confessional when she denies she had said anything to Melissa about Nicole breaking up a marriage. Oops—but that’s exactly what you said. Don’t remember? Well, here’s the video to prove it.
Dramatically, Jim places the hair at the table where both Joes and Bobby had been upstairs the entire time and tells Bobby to keep Nicole under control. This just proves that you can’t blame the Joes for every violent Jersey outburst. There really is something in the water there. Before Amber and Jim can completely spin the story to make them look good, Rino appears to defend them and confronts Jim’s past behavior and calls him out on the real reason why he didn’t come to guys’ night. At this point, everyone there knows Jim is saying the Giudice’s legal problems is a conflict of interest for him and now he is mad that Bobby had even put him in the situation to begin with. Just a head’s up to Amber and Jim: When a camera is filming you, whatever you say has the potential of being on the reality television program for which you have signed up. Jim told Bobby how he felt about the Giudices on camera, just like Amber had told Melissa what she heard about Nicole’s marriage. That’s what replays are for. But when Joe Gorga slowly slips back to some bad habits and tries to get Jim to tell him the truth to his face, he gets exactly what he wishes for. Oh, and here’s another tip for Jim: Don’t call Joe Gorga a dumbf— cause when the party and fight continues into next week, it looks like Jim might actually be needing a real first responder on scene.