The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'Pack Your Bags and Get Out!'
The Florida vacation ends with a couple of early exits, but more questions left up in the air.
Though tonight’s episode mainly dealt with the tumultuous end of the ladies’ Florida vacation, it would be a disservice to not at least acknowledge here the news that came out Thursday regarding Teresa and Joe’s sentencing. Because the season was filmed months earlier, those events won’t be chronicled for the cameras—not this year at least—but both Teresa and Joe will appear on a special Watch What Happens Live on Monday and will still be able to film the reunion episodes before Teresa must report to prison on January 5. Watching the scenes of the Giudices together in their home now holds a completely new meaning. Hearing Joe talk about his love/hate relationship with time away from his children is even more painful knowing he soon won’t have a say in the matter.
But for now, let’s distract ourselves with the much less significant but still significantly crazy Battle of the Boys Down South: Part 2. Neither Jim or Bobby are acting like grown men in their war of words. Bobby at least grows up enough to get out of the bathroom and confront Jim in person, but that didn’t last long. Jim’s attacks and accusations of infidelity escalated beyond comprehension. “You can tell this man’s been to war cause even social relationships are a battle,” Amber says. As true as it may be, is that really how you want to describe your husband on national television? She clearly wasn’t thinking straight in the moment—the cancer survivor started smoking a cigarette to calm her nerves.
The painful irony is that Amber finds odd humor in putting herself in that situation and proudly denounces her health and concerns. The truth is that everyone actually feels bad for Amber because not only was Jim’s behavior wildly unacceptable, but she really did try and keep him under control. Dina totally understands: “Sorry that you’re married to a dick, I feel bad for you.”
And this was all before Jim finally spilled the weeks-long tease: the Victoria Gotti rumor. Yeah, that didn’t go too well. Amber wisely takes Jim out of the situation and upstairs away from the growing mob scene forming below. Clearly Jim was never taught the Thumperian principle. It’s unclear at this point whether or not Jim and Amber are a) mad at each other, b) mad at everyone else, c) drunk, or d) all of the above. (Answer: d)
Even though Dina tried to warn her earlier, Teresa is more upset that the girls were talking about the rumor behind her back. Teresa specifically told Dina she didn’t want to know what was being said about her family. Anyone else really confused? How can Teresa be when Dina came straight to her with the news—rather than spreading it? Dina is no way at fault, and she knows it. She is done with the situation altogether: “I’m not gonna get turned against.”
NEXT: “That is Bellevue crazy!”
The next morning begins calmly as if the night before didn’t happen—but as Melissa notes, it isn’t gonna last long. “I’m not gonna eat an egg and sit here when they’re all upset,” she says. Teresa doesn’t have the patience for any of it and leaves to reunite with Rino, who just happens to be at their own Florida home, which is just 5 minutes away. Jim and Amber are enjoying their breakfast outside by the pool; they’re making excuses as everyone continues to comprehend what went on and how and why it started. Always one with namaste, Dina brings the peace by doing what needed to be done—she politely asks Jim and Amber to get up, pack their bags, and leave. Amber accuses Dina of being a follower and not giving her a chance to speak and share her side of the story, but the verdict is in and it is unanimous. Jim has got to go and sorry Amber, by default that means you, too.
But just because Jim has left the building, it doesn’t leave Bobby off the hook just yet. In a time of need, Bobby literally ran away and hid from the problem. With all the other red flags that have been raised from this conflict, Nicole definitely has her concerns. “That is Bellevue crazy!” And you want to marry a crazy person because…? Joe starts celebrating Jim’s departure early (morning cocktails, a yacht, strawberries, champagne, etc.) With a lot to prove, Bobby tries to keep up with the cool kids (a.k.a. Nicole and Joe) and gets hammered to the point of no return. The budding bromance of Joe and Bobby takes a turn when after they jump off the side of the boat. They have a little too much fun with some mouth-to-mouth “rescue.” “Now we’re being stupid,” Melissa says. But to be fair, it definitely looked like Bobby enjoyed it more.
Back in Jersey, unofficial yet totally real and down-to-earth housewives Jacqueline and Kathy have lunch while bonding over the fact that both of their kids have had serious medical problems in the past. Ugh, talk about a downer. How about we change the subject? “I reached out to Teresa again—” But let’s just stop right there because we know that will only make Jacqueline more upset.
Later, as Chris and Jacqueline prepare to put the pieces together (wink), Joe and Teresa enjoy their own date night in the city away from their girls. In the wake of this week’s sentencing, this simple vignette is a little heartbreaking to watch. Joe gives a toast honoring his daughters, his wife’s beauty, and himself for being the “luckiest guy in the world cause I’m married to you.”
On the final night of the Florida trip, a chef is brought in to cook dinner for the remaining houseguests. Well, if they ever show up. Bobby is sick with “food poisoning” in bed and now that Amber and Teresa have left, it’s a quieter house. But before Melissa and Joe get an accidental date night of their own, Rino and Teresa make the mature decision to make the five minute return for dinner. It’s obvious early on that Rino is only there to defend himself against the outlandish things said about him and the twin’s mother. But Rino—here’s a little lesson in the proper way to deny you slept with your mother-in-law. DO: “I would never do something so outlandish.” DON’T: “This is the best thing he could come up with? I could give you better stories about me and her!” For everyone’s sake, please don’t.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey