On ''The Real World,'' after Tyrie's fight with Jazalle, the whiz kid needlessly provokes the local cops and gets himself arrested

By Lindsay Soll
Updated March 22, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT

”The Real World”: Tyrie gets arrested

And the conclusion to last week’s cliff-hanger? Tyrie got arrested because he — wait for it — publicly urinated! Before I laugh about this entire scenario, let’s please take a minute to go back to my TV Watch last week, when I said, ”Apparently, next week the cops are going to arrest Ty…possibly for domestic assault, but we can never be too sure, can we? It’s probably really for something stupid like jaywalking across the street after Jazalle runs away from him. Or maybe it’ll be for indecent exposure.” Guess I was on the right track with the public-exposure idea, but I never even thought of the urination angle, dammit! (It’s too bad Ty wasn’t in a parking garage when he decided to urinate; that would have been a perfect nod to the Seinfeld episode when both Jerry and George get arrested for peeing in the mall parking lot.)

So back to me laughing about Ty’s arrest — because you have to admit it was pretty funny. I mean, the guy was drunk and got in a screaming match with his girlfriend, Jazalle, over some girl they kept calling Big Head, then he proceeded to grab Jazalle violently just as the cops were conveniently ”driving by.” (Those Denver cops were so waiting for the very second they could arrest one of the Real Worlders — we all know it.) After Ty headed off down the street, Stephen, being the friend that he is, warned him that the cops were getting suspicious of the events going down in the house, and what did Ty do? Oh, he took a leak. This just goes to show we all have our own different ways of ”relieving tension.” Let’s just thank God most of us are lucky enough not to have ours documented on national television.

As soon as Ty got driven away in the cop car, panic spread across the house. Jazalle was worried about her ”baby,” Stephen wanted to make sure he’d be there to pick up Ty when he got out of jail, Jenn was busy calming everyone down because — shocker — she’s served time in the ”drunk tank” before, too. Wonder if there’s any way she could get arrested for poorly plucked eyebrows and terrible choices in sexual partners.

Where were the rest of the roommates (Colie, Brooke, and Davis) when this crisis emerged? Did they not care that their beloved Ty was dragged away to detox? My best guess: Colie was busy figuring out which guy she could whine about next, and Brooke and Davis were busy flirting and pretending that Davis isn’t really gay.

I appreciated Stephen’s insight into Ty and Jazalle: ”They are Bobby and f—ing Whitney. Oh my God, getting arrested for peeing in front of the house, to Jazalle being the first person to pick your ass up, talking about how she’s done with Tyrie, but she’s gonna pick you up from jail? That’s Whitney Houston!”

I think Ty redeemed himself a little bit (and became less Bobby Brown) when he wept in front of Stephen and Alex, saying, ”Man, the world thinks I’m a f—ing woman beater now.” He truly seemed apologetic about getting so angry at Jazalle, only now he’s claiming he wants to leave Denver. I’m not so sure I’d want him to leave the show; after all, he’s pretty much the only roommate who actually makes funny comments. (”Oh, I got more games than Parker Brothers. I got more variations on my game than Monopoly.”)

On the other hand, it might be okay if Ty exits the show because it seems like there is a new guest staying at the house every other week. First it was Davis’ boyfriend and Stephen’s girlfriend, then Colie’s pseudo-boyfriend, then Alex’s friend, and now Stephen’s friend Darnell. Hey, all the more people for Jenn to sleep with, right? Speaking of which, when Darnell asked Alex if it would be okay for him to hook up with Jenn, Alex couldn’t have been more apathetic in his response: ”We try to keep things casual in the house.” Right, and binge drinking is healthy for you.

I’ll leave you guys with a few questions: Do you think Ty is really going to leave the show? Will Jenn ever stop man hopping? Finally, did you notice the subtle imagery when they cut to the drainpipe with rainwater spitting out of it?

The Real World: Denver

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