On ''The Real World,'' Brooke goes ballistic on her female roommates, and Alex and Jenn make out again

By Lindsay Soll
Updated February 22, 2007 at 05:00 AM EST

”The Real World”: Meltdowns and hookups

”I feel like I’m in a house with a bunch of crazy people.” I don’t think I could’ve said it better myself, Brooke. Except, of course, I’d include you in that ”bunch” too.

Where do I even begin with this episode? Colie and Alex? Colie and Corey? Alex and Jenn? Brooke and her breakdown? Colie and her Tourette’s-like tics? (Okay, that was harsh, but one of you TV Watchers pointed it out, and now I can’t help but notice every time she talks…)

I’ll start with Brooke, since her role in this episode was mostly to create drama out of nothing. Let’s retrace the steps leading up to her major malfunction:

So basically Colie was innocently washing dishes in the sink and asked Brooke in a very calm tone, ”Did you make mac and cheese in this pot?” Brooke then retorted in her whiny, accusatory voice, ”Why are you bringing that up to me? Like, everyone’s left stuff. You’re gonna confront me about that?” This exchange somehow led to Brooke stomping away and then telling Colie, ”You’re such a f—ing bitch. I hope you know that. You’re just such a f—ing bitch.” At that point, I was perplexed as to what exactly Colie did that was so f—ing bitchy in the first place. Later, when Brooke told Stephen, Davis, and P.J. what happened, she completely exaggerated the situation and made it seem like Colie was being bossy, when in actuality Brooke just loves to play the victim.

Brooke’s madness continued later when she was asked — again in a calm tone — if she could drive a stick-shift car to some water park. Brooke replied — again with the ultra-whiny voice — ”Mmm, no.” Jenn then called Brooke a brat (rightfully so), and Brooke — wait for it — completely lost her s—: ”You know what? You’re a f—ing bitch just like Colie…I don’t give a f— about you either, you trashy bitch.” Which led to Jenn calling Brooke a whore. Which led to (finally!) the clip the Real World producers have been teasing us with since this season started: Brooke turning into a hysterical, red-faced mess, shrieking and shaking and generally freaking the hell out in a really embarrassing way. The most humiliating part? Nobody reacted, really. Jenn and the other witnesses to her meltdown, Alex and his visiting college friend, just had slightly amused looks on their faces, as if they couldn’t wait for her to leave so they could laugh about it. So Brooke ran out of the house — ankle brace and all — to huff and puff on the sidewalk all by her lonesome.

All I have to say is: Wow. I mean, there have been some crazy people on this show, but at least Puck, for example, was predictably crazy — nuts all the time, and not just when people asked him basically harmless questions. This girl needs some anger management, and fast! I wonder if the MTV producers knew that going into this. Oh, who are we kidding? Brooke probably exploded on the casting couch when forced to answer the infuriating question ”What are your hobbies?”

Back on not-quite-lovers lane, Colie and Alex had yet more drunken conversations about their so-called budding relationship, and what her boyfriend Corey’s visit meant, and blah blah blah. Eventually Alex told her again he just wants to be friends, which is nothing new, but I did love his bizarre rationale for that in the confessional: ”There was a good quote on TV I heard a long time ago. It said, ‘Your penis has got a brain, but it’s got a heart, too. You’ve gotta follow your penis’ heart.’ So my penis’ brain is saying you need to have sex with Colie. My penis’ heart is saying no.” First of all, just what kind of TV does Alex watch, anyway? (Oh, wait — hilariously enough, looks like he’s referring to a bit on The Man Show. Thanks, Internet!)

But wait… it appears Alex’s penis’ heart was telling him to have sex with Jenn! While at Denver’s ubiquitous daytime bar Lodo’s, Jenn and Alex were busy downing beers when Colie arrived with Corey on her arm. As usual, Colie was all over her boy-toy of the moment, and this somehow resulted in Alex swapping spit with Jenn (or maybe one thing really had nothing to do with the other). I find it awfully ironic that this all took place the same day Jenn was claiming she and Colie were so tight. Plus, let’s not forget Jenn’s infamous speech about hooking up with Alex the first time around: ”I’m a hypocrite, I’m a whore, and I look foolish…. I didn’t want to have sex with Alex. I didn’t even want to make out with Alex. And last night, I told him I did.”

Still, I’m torn: Should I be on Team Jenn or Team Colie? On one hand, Colie is so all-over-the-place with her hormones that she really can’t lay claim to any one guy; on the other hand, Jenn should take into consideration that Colie has had feelings for Alex — especially since she’s always reminding everybody that Colie is her ”girl.” So whose team are you on? And what do you think of Corey so far? Did you cringe too while watching Brooke’s explosion?

The Real World: Denver

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