The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Bored of the Ring
As Kandi delights in Kim's inability to sing her new composition, NeNe decides her marriage might be over
Last night was all about trust and loyalty—between husband and wife, man and woman, songwriter and her wigged, talentless muse. Oh and Kim asked the audience to believe that her bedroom set was really worth $6,000, and that those sofas marooned out in the parking lot of a strip mall ran anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000 apiece. The prices kept changing as she sipped from her travel mug of hooch. It’s about trust, people!
Kandi may have been stripped of her rightful royalties when it came to “Tardy for the Party,” but girl got her sweet revenge last night. Kim needed a new hit single. Her public demanded it and she would not rest until her fans were appeased. She did not appreciate Kandi moonlighting with another Atlanta singer, either. It turned out that Sheree’s hairdresser Lawrence had a classically trained voice and Kandi wanted to make him a star. (I’m not sure the world is hungry for the next RuPaul, but I don’t have a Grammy either so I’ll leave Lawrence’s branding to the professionals.) When Kim walked in to the studio and saw Lawrence sitting there, her hungover eyes narrowed into slits. “I think Lawrence is only going to be able to reach a certain audience,” she hissed in her private interview. “I mean, good luck in Kansas.” (Was the White Party held in Kansas, Kim? It was not.)
Kandi wanted Kim to try out the vocals of her new track “The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing.” And by try out, she meant that she wanted the cameras to catch Kim burping and caterwauling into a microphone. Good lord, a shower would kick Kim out for shredding those notes. The producers blanched, Kandi’s upper lip assumed its default curl, Kim shrugged and blamed her performance on a lack of booth curtains. When Kandi suggested Kim rethink her position on vocal lessons, Kim got peevish. How dare someone suggest she has pitch problems. Don’t they realize that she sang at her brother’s graduation back in the 8th grade? They don’t let just anyone sing in suburban middle school productions! (Well in fact they do and I can perform my solo from “Freedom Bound” to prove it.)
Meanwhile, we finally got proof of just how miserable NeNe and Greg are in their marriage. She’s been trying to tell us all season that things were desperately wrong at home. I didn’t want to believe it. Good guy Greg wouldn’t let things get so bad, would he? I knew the dinner party probably was a bad idea. Doubly so when NeNe started refilling her glass in record time. Things went off the rails when Cynthia goosed NeNe about how fine Greg looked in his button-up shirt. NeNe made a crack about how the old man would be back in his bathrobe tomorrow. Greg didn’t like that one bit. NeNe started meanly tapping her french-tipped fingernail on his nose. Greg announced that he didn’t like to talk, didn’t want to talk, shouldn’t have to talk. (You could see Cynthia start practicing her “Um, no thanks!” speech for when Peter got down on bended knee.)
NEXT: With limited screentime, Sheree continues to be completely endearing.
Eventually Greg banished himself from his barking wife and invited Peter downstairs to play pool. Turns out the man lives down in the basement these days. NeNe kept drinking. She told Cynthia she wanted a divorce. Cynthia tried suggesting that Greg was still in love with her. NeNe gave her the stink eye, slurred about the importance of communication some more, and then suggested that Greg had been stepping out on her. Greg, you dog.
Over in Pleasantville, Sheree continued on her run as Season 3’s Best Supporting Housewife. She had little to do, and was probably on screen for all of 60 seconds. But her bit about that damn “doctor” camped out at the Holiday Inn was memorable. Lightning strike me down, but I think I love her.
Oh, and Phaedra is going to make the blackballed member of Destiny’s Child a star. And she is still sticking by her story that it’s perfectly normal for doctors to induce at seven months.
What do you Hotlantans think? Did you expect that voice out of Lawrence? Was Kandi purposely trying to humiliate Kim by handing her a song in that range? Did you like the song (at least when Kandi was singing it)? Are NeNe and Greg the new Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, and was that dinner party their version of Who’s Afraid of Atlanta Woolf?
The Real Housewives of Atlanta