A table came this close to getting tossed at Camille's dinner party, thanks to buckets of martinis and an acid-tongued medium.
Camille is a generous soul who doesn’t like to hold a grudge. Or rather, she is so convinced of her righteous triumph over an evil Kyle at their last New York dinner gathering, that she wants another shot at the high road. So she arranged a dinner party for all the Housewives with promises of fresh pizza. Sold! Every now and then Nice Camille comes out, and she was actually rather sweet on the phone inviting Kyle. Sure, she could bring her friend. No problem. Girls’ night, hooray! But as soon as Camille mentioned to Taylor the importance of her medium friend not hitting the sauce too hard, I knew we were in for the most delicious kind of trouble.
Kyle assured her good friend Faye—yes that Faye, perhaps like Camille you never forget a face?—that Camille actually could be kind of likable and maybe their New York brouhaha was just a fluke. Cut to Camille subtly trashing Kyle while clinking glasses with her buddies—”one was her best friend and one was her sidekick, I mean psychic,” deadpanned Lisa.
The evening started off with everyone on their best behavior. But then the voices in Allison Dubois’ head started telling her to drink more and she has to honor her gift. And Camille really can only stay pleasant for so long before the wide-eyed cruel in her slinks up to the surface. “Who is Faye? I don’t know who Faye is?” she said meanly, knowing full well who the woman was sitting at the end of her table. Kyle explained that Faye was like a sister to her, as Kim’s face drooped sadly. “Oh that’s nice,” murmured Camille with devastating insincerity. “You know how I know her? I saw her naked in Playboy.” Kyle’s eyes narrowed. You want to go, bitch? Let’s go. Points to Kim for her daffy defusing of the subject: “They want Kyle and I to do it as sisters,” she said. Oh honey, they don’t.
Around this time Allison Dubois pulled out an electronic cigarette—”Jack Nicholson from the Shining!” said Kyle—and started looking for a fight. She wanted to talk about her magnificent ability to head-tap people. “If somebody’s husband’s cheating on them she’ll know!” said Camille. Hear that, Kelsey? You got away with nothing. Nothing! The Housewives figured this was as good an opportunity as any to get their fortunes told. Noble Allison tried to resist, she really did. She’d asked all of the women’s ghosts to wait in the foyer throughout the dinner party. But the martinis were so strong, and the visions so powerful, that she couldn’t help herself. “Your husband will never emotionally fulfill you, so know that,” she happily announced to Kyle, apropos of nothing. “As soon as your kids are grown up you’ll have nothing in common.” Girls’ night! Then Allison said Kyle had a hard time getting along with women and Camille didn’t like someone intruding on her turf. “That’s me! That’s me!” she insisted, as if preferring men’s company to women’s is something to brag about in the first place.
NEXT: Allison Dubois really should’ve switched to water.