The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Hello Gorgeous....and Goodbye
In "Turn, Turn, Turn," an episode of emotional highs and lows, Kyle's daughter graduates from college while Camille is unceremoniously dumped.
Everybody in Beverly Hills is always gorgeous, even the horrible people. Last night Kyle’s shorts were gorgeous, Taylor’s sweater dress was gorgeous, Lisa’s blouse was gorgeous, Nick’s lips were gorgeous, Paul’s new nose was gorgeous, Mauricio’s Mom and sweet Farrah really were gorgeous, and has there ever been anyone more gorgeous than Camille greeting her entourage in her red dress on the stairs of the hotel suite to which she’d been banished by her out-the-gate husband?
Sometimes you can tell how much one of these women loathes the other by the number of times she calls her gorgeous. Lisa, for instance, thought Taylor looked triple gorgeous at Villa Blanca when the shiny toothbrush of a woman crashed her dinner with Kyle. Nyah, nyah, nyah, smirked Taylor, I’m holding Kyle’s hand and you’re not. We’re lesbians!, laughed Kyle. Your marriage is falling apart and you’re an empty shell of a person, said Lisa, suggesting that Taylor would be a lot happier if she could be honest about the hollow misery that is her life. To girlfriends! Mmmm, pink wine, yummy in my tummy.
Camille really could use all of her girlfriends around her right now, women who won’t be jealous that she’s extra special skinny what with all the stress in her life.
Which means a lot of overtime for her house manager, makeup artist, hair stylist, and trainer! No, too mean. Kelsey had called in the middle of the night with news that he was done with the marriage. But he still needed a date to the Tony’s so at least she’d get some use out of that red dress, right? Camille says she went to New York to give their marriage one last chance. I didn’t follow this line of reasoning: Your husband dumps you, you agree to be his arm candy on the red carpet. To luck, to love!, the entourage toasted as the unhappy couple prepared to leave for the ceremony. “To 13 years of marriage,” Camille growled under her breath as Kelsey gave her a dead-eyed smile. Was he happy to see his wife? No, that was the phone in his pocket on which he texting his lady ‘C U at 10, bring 2 bras.’
Back in Los Angeles, Disney on Demand gave Kim an opportunity to relive some of her glory days. I’ve finally realized that Kim looks exactly like a hard-livin’ smash-up of Mary Stuart Masterson and Lea Thompson circa Some Kind of Wonderful. Some pieces of the puzzle came together on that phone call. It was Ma who really wanted to be a star, but that light shone instead on six-month-old Kim. Now if she could only get another shot, the right script, her Erin Brockovich role. Well, bye!, said Disney on Demand. But Kim tucked her little ankles under her and kept right on talking.
NEXT: Kyle’s daughter graduates, you done good Mama!Lisa, the disease in your life is not your ballet flats, it is your house guest. Cedric, sensing that his free ride was coming to an end, clutched at the woman’s heart-strings. He’s a little blue is all, as Giggy growled at the man from the pup’s chaise. He can’t find his little French feet, not after his Les Miserables childhood. Nobody loves him! We love you, promised Lisa. And it’s just so hard being a burden! But it’s time to move on, dear. “I hate that feeling of having to ask, but you have to be able to ask, right?” he said hopefully. On that note, he was wondering if maybe he could have some horseback riding lessons.
Oh Farrah, good on you. (Though I imagine you wish you could erase that spray tan line from your otherwise uplifting episode.) Kyle’s firstborn was graduating from college and I for one didn’t miss a slinky Paris Hilton pouting like a bee-stung kitten in the family photos. It was an ordinary, beautiful day of family celebration with lots of free-flowing tears and hugs. Hooray for Housewives kids who graduate from college! Hooray for divorced parents who are kind and supportive of one another! Hooray for step-dads who understand the gift of their beloved’s children! Hooray for Grandmas who specialize in sexual therapy and receive inelegant recommendations of plastic surgery with grace and ease! Don’t ever change Estella. I’d be lucky to look like you at 36.
Why do people think Beverly Hills is a city of oozy phonies? Take it away breathless jewelry saleswoman: “Youlookgorgeousheadtotoedrippingindiamondsloveit.”
Who here stayed up for Camille on Watch What Happens Live? Good job Andy Man—I worry when his voice sounds like he has a cold!—for not going easy on her. When she said she enjoyed being part of the show, his face looked like it was going to explode. We’ve all read about her claims of deceptive editing and her hedging about Season 2. Camille got in some shots at Kelsey—he uses his children as props and his new fiance has a butch handshake. She claimed not all of her friends are on the payroll, just look at her makeup artist best friend Deirdre. (Mazel!) And she tried to be funny a couple of times, which I found oddly endearing as she is so clearly not funny. Also, we learned that she has had sex recently and you just know that Nick’s wife made the man cross his heart and hope to die that it wasn’t with him.
Next week: Kim brings her antics as her plus 1 to Taylor’s party. Kyle does not respond well. Limo wrestling!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, how is it time for the finale already? If we have to endure a three-city bus tour on Atlanta, surely we’re owed more of Beverly Hills, right? Did you feel any sympathy for Camille last night? How badly did she want to smash her flute on Kelsey’s head during the pre-Tonys toast? Was Taylor egging Lisa on at dinner or was Lisa being unnecessarily territorial? Just how many zeroes do you think were on that check from Kathy Hilton Inc.? Oh Cedric… no.