The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Goodbye Ladies and Victims
Well friends, this is where they leave us. The ladies gathered, the sharks blew bubbles behind them, Andy looked ready to retire to his hotel room and hit the minibar, and we must all now endure our Kandi-coated flashbacks of Season 3. Good grief, Kandi. No more clip reels of you and your sugar-soaked vajayjay. (Better yet, no more use of the word vajayjay.) No more pop rocks. No more pee pee time. Apparently, no more vow of celibacy–hey yo!
How our girls like to bob and weave. NeNe unsuccessfully tried to explain away her stingy showing at Sheree’s dance party. Asked why she would only pony up a lousy $20 for charity, she played dumb. She didn’t know it was for charity. She doesn’t control Kandi’s pocketbook. Later, she evaded questions about her teddy bear son Brice’s impending fatherhood. Phaedra thinks Apollo got out of prison in May and she’s almost positive they got engaged in July. So, fine, yes, she may have been a month, a month and a half pregnant when she got married.
only most interesting part of the bloated reunion was when the ladies spoke about the challenges of raising children without invested fathers on the scene. Poor Kandi, that woman’s nose wouldn’t stop running. Kim spoke of Arianna’s Dad ditching them when she was seven months pregnant and Brielle going numb over the absence of her father in her life. (Oof, that scene in the finale of them dancing around Kroy makes me a little sick. Let’s hope those girls ever know what it’s like to have a father figure remain on the scene.) But it was Sheree who broke my heart a little, telling Cynthia about her envy at seeing Noelle and Leon dance together with such love and joy at Cynthia’s wedding. This from a woman whose childrens’ father announced in a text that he’d moved across the country. Stay strong, Sheree!
Then Kandi cried some more, still stunned to only have made three grand off of “Tardy for the Party,” a song that inexplicably has brought in $80 to 100 grand. Is a woman’s curb appeal really worth that much more than a song’s beat? Andy wanted answers, dammit. Just how tone deaf is Kim? (Roll tape of her in the recording booth.) Kim didn’t get the question. How will Kim make the situation right with her friend? No comprende. “Don’t you owe her money?” he demanded for a third time. “Yes, I owe her money and she can have what’s in the Tune Corp account,” she said. “You can’t put a price on my friendship with Kandi.” Backstage Kim’s lawyer was doctoring up paperwork that insisted whatever his client said on the reunion special would be null and void in a court of law.
Of course the reunion ended with NeNe shouting over Kim and Kim rolling her eyes and NeNe warning that “When I touch you, you’re going to know about it victim.” Throw them both in the shark tank. What does the future hold for these women? Sex toys for Kandi. Wigs for Kim. Corpses—bedazzled and embellished, according to her appearance on Watch What Happens Live—for Phaedra. Hosting appearances for NeNe. (Now that’s grim.) And wannabe models for Cynthia. (Something tells me that she will soon try to market a version of her Friendship Contract, which came up not once but twice last night.) All I really care about is that Sheree is revamping her She by Sheree line.
Well Atlanta fans? It was a long season, but was it a good one? Any chance NeNe will return for a Season 4? Please assure me that Kim will not get her own spin-off. Please.