The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: All the Singing Ladies
In 'Model Behavior,' Kim walks the streets, Kandi belts it out, and newcomer Cynthia hits the scene
Kim took to her natural habitat in last night’s episode—walking the streets in wig and shiny tank top. She’s a quote-unquote pop star, and quote-unquote pop stars need to pay attention to their pretty packages. That means health first for this girl. So off Kim and her old friend/new assistant/soon to be former-friend and fired-assistant Sweetie slid into their tightest matching workout clothes and went for a little jog. But jogging sucks y’all, and Kim shouted that exercise makes her hair want to fall off. (Girl, don’t you have a wig line? Make a pony-tail wig or hair-extensions-sewed-onto-an-Atlanta-Braves-hat wig.) Working hard at something puts Kim in a bad mood. So when they limped past a convenience store and spotted cases of beer being unloaded from a truck, Kim decided a pit stop was in order. The delivery man wolf-whistled at the girls and sang the same bar of “Tardy for the Party” that you too have shamefully huh!-hummed to yourself in the shower. “Give me a beer and I’ll be right over buddy,” Kim hollered across the street. That’s our little lady.
Kandi hit the studio with Ne-Yo, a man with little patience for Auto-Tune. That afforded her the opportunity to grimace over her participation in making Kim an iTunes one-hit wonder. Turns out Kim volunteered to split proceeds of the song 50/50, but that was kind kind of like how she offered NeNe a crack at the chorus. She was drunk when she said it, or giving Poppa a pedi, or smoking a cigarette in a yoga class. She didn’t really mean it, and then she just let her attorney handle the fallout. Kandi didn’t really seem to mind being stiffed of her rightful cut. The woman is hard at work on her solo album and she wants a hit single. Am I crazy or might she just have one with the number she performed at the Supper Club?
New Housewife Cynthia and her incredibly hot fiance Peter, who I have a hard time believing is only 50 by the way, own the Supper Club. Cynthia is a supermodel but she also likes to help out in the back kitchen however she can. (Unfortunately for the wait staff, this involves bumping into trays and breaking glasses.) Cynthia is lovely, and the brief glimpse of her daughter Noelle suggested that she might even be a fine mother. It’s obvious the Bravo team cast her for her pedigree and looks, and the fact that she is a runaway bride. (Cynthia’s been engaged at least three times, maybe more, who can remember?) But I already feel drowsy every time she’s on screen.
As opposed to Sheree, who is my new favorite Atlantette. I love that Sheree can’t dance. I love that she went on a blind date. I love how she frowned at her date’s gift of a plastic-wrapped bouquet. “He just passed by a Kroger and picked them up.” She is a goofy bitch, loving “Hotlanta gossip” that Phaedra’s husband might, you know, well, let’s just say he knows her hairstylist Lawrence and he was in prison for six years with all men. Sheree isn’t here to judge but she has her opinions on the matter.
NEXT: Blaming it all on the mother? That’s pretty weak, kiddo.
Just when I’d written NeNe off as bad drama she came and surprised me with her vulnerability last night. First her son Brice showed up, looking rumpled and sleepy, asking his Mama if he could move back home. Brice, Brice, Brice. He got himself into some trouble recently when he went to visit his friend at jail without realizing he’d left a little weed in his pants pocket. That might be the sorriest bust imaginable. NeNe was at wit’s end with her boy. “You are really hurting my feelings because I really want the best for you,” she cried. “I’m telling you that I want the best for you…I will never sit by and watch you do stupid things and support you being stupid. I will do not do that.” Oh, it kind of hurt watching NeNe’s big eyes flood with tears. And then Brice went and wondered if maybe the problem wasn’t him or the fact that he didn’t have a job and didn’t like to clean up after himself, maybe the problem was NeNe just gave him too hard of a time. Fool.
In the end, the Housewives all convened at Cynthia’s Supper Club to hear Kandi perform. There was tension in the air as NeNe held court with the “crazy heifers” of the cast, at least according to Phaedra. And Atlanta’s attorney to the stars (“Excuse me, Bobby Brown was 10 years ago,” sniffed NeNe) held it down with an overly shellacked Dwight. NeNe pulled him aside to revisit the big betrayal. And then, in the show’s biggest surprise yet, the two had a weirdly rational and productive conversation. NeNe went again with the you-hurt-my-feelings approach. Dwight listened. Dwight apologized, rather beautifully. NeNe accepted his apology. Hugs were exchanged. What show am I watching?
Next week: Kim performs for the gays. And by that I mean Kim’s boobies perform and Kandi sings back-up.
What do you think? Are you finding Sheree weirdly delightful? Is NeNe in therapy learning the basics of conflict resolution? Would you give Brice 90 days? Does Cynthia intrigue? Sound off below!
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