You know who else knows? Jenna Marshall. Alex is waiting for Mrs. Hastings outside her office, where Mrs. Hastings is giving Jenna legal advice (which has to do with Addison, whom we don’t care about, Freeform! We don’t!). Jenna asks “Spencer” if she’s wearing different perfume, but Alex tries to brush it off. Jenna calls Toby immediately. “This may sound weird, but I don’t think Spencer’s Spencer,” she says. This was a bit of a leap, but I admit, I kind of bought it. We all know Jenna has spidey senses — and she just told us like an hour ago that she can smell a bitch a mile away. Alex definitely fits that description.
What’s less believable is that after Toby rushes over to the girls and Caleb, they all decide in like 30 seconds that the evil twin theory makes perfect sense. Toby believed Jenna because the book Spencer gave him when she gave him that final kiss (so, the book ALEX gave him) had no notes in it, and he knew Spencer’s copy was full of notes. I guess that makes sense, but still, for a gang who convinced each other not to call the cops hundreds of times over seven years, I can’t imagine they’d buy this whole thing as quickly as they did. As Emily says, “Out of all the insane theories we’ve jumped to, Spencer having an evil twin has to be the most insane.” Yes, Emily. You’re right.
Meanwhile, Alex and Mary are fighting because Alex promised Mary she wouldn’t hurt Spencer. Isn’t this the same promise Archer made to Mary about Ali? Stop trusting people, you idiot! Alex knocks out Mary so she won’t stop her when she tries to kill Spencer.
At the same time, the rest of the gang is getting ready — with Mona’s help. Apparently Wren came to Welby to kill Mona, so now Mona is playing the game to beat Alex. They find out where the dungeon is located — turns out it’s in the house Toby built that had a mystery buyer. I cannot believe that Toby would build a house for Spencer and not ever look into the identity of the buyer. Anyway, now we know.
Back in the dungeon, Spencer and Ezra are trying to escape after Spencer picked the lock with a bobby pin from Mary’s hair. They finally find a door to the outside… but it’s not quite the outside. They’re still somehow underground, or under a dome that looks like a fake Rosewood. It’s like The Hunger Games. Or, obviously, the Dollhouse.
The gang isn’t far behind, and they’re freaked out to see that Alex has furnished the cabin to look exactly like Spencer’s barn. Man, that Carissimi money goes so far!
Alex comes out into the fake yard and hits Ezra, as Spencer tries to reason with her. “It’s not too late to be family!” she says. “Yeah, it is,” Alex says. Of course, they’re wearing the same outfit, and when Toby rushes in brandishing a gun, with the whole gang behind him, he isn’t sure who to shoot. This is also a cliché of every twin/clone movie and show of all time: loved one has to decide which one is the real one! Obviously, he does it by asking which poem in the book she gave him was her favorite, and only Spencer knows what’s actually in the book. (Charlotte and Mona definitely would have had answers prepared, Alex. Do your research!)
Mona has called 911, so a cop rushes in to take Alex into custody. Apparently Mary Drake got apprehended down the road. “Well, no one can call you Loser Mona anymore,” Alex says, to which Mona replies, “You don’t know the half of it.” Wait, what?
Aria and Ezra get married in the chapel where the bell tower is, because why would they try to find any other church than the one every funeral and murder has happened in? That would just make too much sense. In this second, real wedding, Aria is wearing a much better, much more Aria-like dress than the one she had on for the wedding where Ezra didn’t show up. (A cell phone goes off during the ceremony, but not to worry: It’s just showrunner I. Marlene King doing one last cameo and making the show’s signature “Shhh” sign. Cute!)
In the last scene with all the girls, they talk about future plans: Not only do they have a new group text, but Hanna is pregnant, and Aria and Ezra are looking into adoption agencies right after they get back from their honeymoon. Aren’t these girls all like 23? Maybe 24? You have time, guys!
Then, we jump to Paris, but it’s not for Aria’s honeymoon. At a doll shop, a beret-clad Mona is ringing up a little girl who’s buying a doll for her sister (noooo! no more sisters!). They leave, and a strong-jawed Frenchman kisses Mona and asks if she’s coming to dinner. She says she won’t be long, he leaves, and she closes the store. Then she walks down to the basement where there’s a little dollhouse, and she gives the dolls a plate of food. “Teatime, pretty girl,” she coos. And then the camera zooms out, and behind the plastic dollhouse is an entire room where Mary Drake and Alex sit, all dolled up and in frilly dresses, enacting the scene Mona set in the little dollhouse. “She can’t keep us here forever,” Mary says.
“Of course she can,” Alex says. “She’s Mona.” How did… oh right, Mona’s the one who “called 911” before, so I guess she just paid someone to kidnap Mary and Alex and send them to Europe. Mary did tell Alex they could go on a mother-daughter trip across the pond. Guess her wish came true.
And in one more scene that was so stupid I don’t even want to write it, the high school girls we met earlier are having a sleepover, and the door’s open. Word for word, they mimic the opening scene from the pilot, from Addison going missing to the girl with glasses (the Spencer) coming back into the room and saying, “She’s gone.” For the last time, no. We don’t want more of this!
With that, Liars, we say goodbye. We have our big answers: A.D. is Alex Drake, Spencer’s twin. Wren is the daddy (and dead). Mona is… still dealing with her issues, as is Mary Drake. The Liars are all having kids very quickly (save for Spencer, who, I’m guessing, might never), the Wine Moms got out of the basement in some weird way, Jenna turned out to be one of the best people around, and we never have to deal with Radley Sanitarium again.
So, for the last time: What do you think? Was the Twincer/Alex Drake reveal satisfying? Was the accent a bad choice? For those of you who always suspected Wren had something to do with this, was that satisfying? Should Melissa have been more culpable somehow? Does Alex’s life sound like it was bad enough to drive her to murder and torture? (The answer is no, not really.) And finally, what will you miss the most? For me, honestly, I think it’s the clothes, good and bad, and one-liners, good and bad. That, and the heartbreak of getting the rug pulled out from under our feet repeatedly for seven straight years. (Just kidding, I won’t miss that.)