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May 09, 2017 at 10:51 PM EDT

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?! When A stole Emily’s eggs forever ago, I thought it was the sickest, worst thing A had ever done. But it turns out that fertilizing one of those eggs and impregnating Ali with it while she was being tortured in Welby is even worse than just stealing them. This is truly, truly twisted and insane. Unless A.D. is lying (which, let’s be honest, they probably aren’t), this is a massive event. And, uh… a way for Emison to live happily ever after and raise a baby together? (Also, Ali gets her puzzle piece.)

Meanwhile, when Ali went into the baby store, Aria had gotten a text from A.D. instructing her to meet them now, and sent a GPS pin. Aria goes and is invited into a black limo, where who is waiting in a black hoodie? Sydney Driscoll. NO! BORING!

Offscreen, Sydney apparently tells Aria that she shot Spencer, helped Jenna escape, and made up the A game. (Seems like a massive reveal to happen without us seeing it, so… definitely isn’t true, right?) Aria asks why she’s telling her all this now, and Sydney says it’s because Aria’s desperate — and she could use desperate. Aria asks how she gets out of all this, and Sydney says, “There is no ‘out.’ But you could change sides and be part of the winning team.” Then she turns her head and accidentally reveals an earpiece, which Aria points out.

So, A.D. was clearly feeding Sydney lines. But does this mean Sydney did shoot Spencer as a task assigned by A.D.? Or she just said she did because she was speaking for A.D.? I think it’s the latter. Either way, it’s time for Aria to leave — she’s not totally a lost cause to them, because she did ditch Ali when she needed her. But on her way out, Aria asks Sydney why she’s really helping. “Because it’s no fun being on the losing team,” she says.

Speaking of teams, we don’t know what team Ted is on — but he comes to see her at her/Lucas’s apartment and comes clean about Mary Drake. They dated for a while in college, he explains. Oh, and they also had a son — he pulls out a photo — a little blond boy named Charles. Yes. Hanna’s almost stepdad is Charles’ dad. One more tiny twist: Ted worked at a camp for troubled boys, including Charles, and Charles only had one friend there — Lucas. Does this taint his already weird motivations for letting Hanna live there? This is just getting weirder and weirder.

In boring news, Paige was about to leave the job at the high school for one in Iowa because she couldn’t handle being around Emily and Ali. She changed her mind when she accidentally saw Ali’s abortion pamphlet, realizing that Ali has problems too and that Emily was just comforting a friend. Then Paige and Emily kissed, and they seem to be getting back together… but now that this whole egg/baby thing is happening, I highly doubt this rekindled relationship is going to go smoothly.

For the next reveal: Mr. Hastings sits Spencer down to yell at her about looking for Mary Drake, and obviously, Spencer demands answers. So he proceeds to tell her about the night Jessica DiLaurentis was killed. Mary had dropped by the Hastings house, lurking in the shadows. Jessica had told her Charles was dead, so she came by to get revenge — and killed Jessica using Mr. Hastings’ pills. Spencer tries to be skeptical (“They were sisters!”) but seems convinced. (So am I. She’s evil.) Mr. Hastings says that now, he just wants to protect her. (He is also evil: He knew about Charlotte before his daughter was tortured in the dollhouse!)

Back at Ali’s, the Liars, sans Aria, have gathered to comfort each other and share all the terrible things they’ve learned (like how every dad on this show sucks aside from Mr. Fields, may he rest in peace). Ali cancels her abortion appointment because “we” need more time to think, and she and Emily sit with Spencer and Hanna, totally traumatized. Aria waltzes in late, and they ask where she was. She lies, and Spencer tells them they all have to stay together: “We cannot let this game rip us apart.”

That’s going to be hard, though: The game starts shuffling through old photos of the Liars to decide whose turn it is, and it lands on Hanna. “No! I just went!” she screams. “I just wrecked my life! I can’t do it again!” Emily agrees: “It’s supposed to be Aria’s turn!” Ali, ever the wise one, knows it’s no mistake. “It’s not broken. It knows exactly what it’s doing,” she says.

Then, privately, Aria gets a text. “Made a decision yet? — A.D.” Hmm… has she?

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Four little liars and a being named “A” (who may or may not be the fifth little liar) try to live their lives in Rosewood. It’s complicated.
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