There comes a point in every relationship when we have to ask ourselves if our significant other is certifiably insane. No? Just me? Well, at least Evie knows what I mean. With the days ticking away (maybe), it’s time for a deep dive into Xavier’s sanity.
We kick off the episode with another item on Xavier’s apoca-list: Shoot a flaming arrow. There’s one from Evie’s list, too: Put out a fire. Then they make out, which is pretty much how they celebrate checking anything off their lists. Maybe they’ve added it in there as a rule?
Over at Cybermart HQ, Deirdre has bought Hank a bunch of desk-related gifts (“Operation Hanky Panky” isn’t going so well, those pesky HR guidelines are getting in the way) and then fills in Evie on a control problem she needs to fix — orders are being screwed up. Not to fear, Evie is ready to get her “sleuth on” to catch the culprit.
But first it’s time to plan a party. It’s Evie’s birthday the next day, and the new fun-loving Evie doesn’t know what to do to celebrate. Maybe a food fight? A water-balloon fight? A petting zoo? Hey, she’s down as long as it’s crazy fun, she tells Xavier on their way to reading a book named “A Field Guide to the Cosmos,” written by a certain Professor Fields (we see what you did there, Prof.) Only Xavier’s not just stopping by the reading for some further insight into astrophysics; he’s there to demand the good professor review and validate his theory. Apparently, he’s tried this before.
It doesn’t take long for him to be tasered, arrested, and hauled off to jail for the night — but not to worry, he’s set the court date far enough in advance that neither he nor anyone else will be around to see it. Plus, spending a night in jail was on Xavier’s list anyway, so it’s really a win-win. Not in Evie’s eyes. It’s a rigmarole. Xavier appreciates her word choice, but she’s more concerned with the whole thing making him look crazy. Xavier doesn’t care; the world is ending and people need to know. Professor Fields is only in town for two more days, and he’s determined to get his research to her somehow.
As usual, Evie takes her worries to work the next day, where she tasks Hank with hopping on “the dark net” to see what he can dig up on Xavier — y’know, in case he’s just crazy, not fun crazy. Hank gets to the deep diving, while Evie makes a pro-con list for dating Xavier. Pros include his great height and that he sounds like Colin Firth (someone should break it to her that that’s the wrong accent). And the one simple but possibly deal-breaking con: He’s insane. When Hank can’t find anything on Xavier declaring him “a cyber ghost,” he decides to crash Xavier and Evie’s lunch date instead. But after some Morse-code communication and cream-soda enjoyment, the two guys are fast friends. Sorry Sweet Tea, it seems you’ve been forgotten.
Speaking of Sweet Tea (maybe now we call him Nasty T, as per Hank’s caller ID?), he’s spiraling without Evie in his life and placing big orders from Cybermart, including (but not limited to) fresh-linen scented candles. He’s got writer’s block, and there’s nothing like the scent of freshly laundered sheets to get the creative juices flowing. But when his order shows up, there’s a bunch of stuff in there he didn’t want, a new-fangled Fitbit-like device called a Zap Strap — a rather painful way to enforce activity — among them. Poor Sweet Tea can’t catch a break, and he’s not the only one: Evie is awash in returned orders. At least Hank’s happy; he thinks Xavier is awesome and his asteroid theory lines up with Hank’s Jade Helm theory — it might be the wrong apocalyptic event, but the date’s right. Woo, male bonding!
NEXT: Party like there’s no tomorrow
There’s no time to sit around worrying, though, because it’s party time! And not just any party, a surprise party complete with family, coworkers, and Xavier. This isn’t exactly ideal; Evie’s just decided that in the off chance Xavier is a lunatic, she should keep him separate from everyone else she knows, like the highlighters that get their own compartment in her pen drawer. But there’s Xavier, offering her a drink in a room full of her nearest and dearest. Drink that champagne, girl.
And he’s a hit. Despite making less-than-cryptic comments about the world coming to an imminent end, everyone seems to love him. Indeed, some find his fatalistic outlook to be quite encouraging. Deirdre, who isn’t having any luck wooing Hank, even receives some pivotal advice. “There’s no guidelines when it comes to love,” he tells her. “It’s now or never.” He loves a good cliché, that Xavier.
The party moves to Xavier’s rooftop, where he has a big surprise waiting for Evie. Could it be the 31 cakes he’s bought for every birthday Evie’s ever had? (Okay, who cares if he’s crazy… the man knows romance.) Or maybe it’s the gift of goggles she’s going to need for the food fight they’re about to have? Nope, none of those treats is the real surprise. It’s actually a champagne toast — during which he congratulates Evie on her last birthday ever before the asteroid collides with the world and wipes out everything on it — that really blows everyone away. There’s nothing but crickets until Kareema chimes in with, “Oh, he is completely insane, I like it.” She seems to be the only one, as everyone else looks pretty perturbed. Way to be a party pooper, Xav. Much to his annoyance, Evie tries to pass it off as a joke. Xavier doesn’t care if he looks crazy because people have to know the truth. He calls her a bigot and declares his belief in the asteroid a fundamental part of his character. She doesn’t just get to cherry-pick what she likes about him; it’s all part of the package.
Anyway, it’s back to work for Evie, another day of moping at her desk and talking things out with her coworkers. This time it’s Kareema who comes through with the winning argument. She tells Evie life is crazy and to embrace the chaos — after all, everyone is just trying to make sense of an illogical world. Evie takes it on board, though not fully. She decides she doesn’t need an asteroid or Xavier to live life to the fullest. She can do it her way, right after she compiles a progress report on the messed-up orders.
NEXT: Muffins give the best advice
Only it turns out carpe diem isn’t so much fun alone. Evie stilt-walks to her parents’ house (no. 45 on her list) to get some advice from mom, but it’s her dad’s homemade muffins that bring her some clarity. “It’s not magic, it’s math,” he says of his recipe, leading Evie to realize the same about Xavier’s theory. This is something she can have someone else prove. Ditching the stilts, she runs to Xavier’s to apologize and tell him she doesn’t have to take his explanation on faith (but no, that doesn’t mean she wants to see his slideshow) — they can have his theory confirmed by Professor Fields.
So, sneaky Evie grabs a seat at the bar where Professor Fields is drinking. She’s wearing some glasses to look more scientifically informed and reading a copy of the professor’s book to get her attention. It’s not long before the two ladies are enjoying a drink and bonding over quantum entanglement (something to do with forever connections and communicating across time and space). Just when the professor concedes there’s a lot in science that doesn’t make sense, up pops Xavier to defend his theory. He does his best to explain as she rebuffs his every claim, but on his insistence she ultimately takes his paperwork to look over — only to later ask the bartender to toss it. Xavier doesn’t hear her request, but Evie does.
Meanwhile, afraid he’s going to be fired by D-Monic (Deirdre), Hank decides to try connecting with her as a ruse to stay employed. So he invites his boss to trivia, or this “trivial event” as she calls it. There’s some serious connecting going on when they both keep answering the same questions in unison, but there’s maybe too much of a connection when Deirdre seductively whispers her true intentions in Hank’s ear.
The next day at work, Hank is wearing earplugs to avoid any more ear-gasms and Evie figures out Kareema’s the glitch in the delivery system. (Don’t worry, she had good intentions.) After hearing Xavier’s theory, she made a list of her own with fun tasks such as sex on a ski lift, joining a naked knitting circle, and helping people. Switching up people’s orders was really an attempt to bring happiness to them. Apparently, the elderly are in need of vibrators and sending Sweet Tea the crazy Fitbit helped break his writer’s block.
Despite her breakthrough at work, Evie’s still feeling bummed about Professor Fields’ rejection and unsure of how to break the news to Xavier, but her mom’s there with some advice. She doesn’t love the muffins her husband bakes her, but she loves that he bakes for her and that it makes him feel good. Telling him he uses too much cinnamon would suck out the joy, and love is all about teaming up with someone and having their back no matter what. So really, what does it matter what some scientist has to say?
And so we’re back at Xavier’s, where we end every episode. Evie tells him she admires him for living by his convictions and that his way of life has real value for people. She says they can still be together even if they don’t believe all the same things — and to prove it, she’s made fliers detailing Xavier’s theory. They head to the rooftop (to literally shout it from the rooftops) and make out as the fliers fall to the street below, because Evie is the sexiest ex-bigot Xavier’s ever seen (and because this is a rom-com and every episode ends with them making out). No news on how many days we’ve got left, maybe we’ll get an update next week.