Apocalypse never?

By Ruth Kinane
January 11, 2017 at 09:56 AM EST
Michael Courtney/The CW
  • TV Show

We’re getting close to the end and every move is critical, people! At least that’s what Evie’s telling Jesse as they play a game of giant Jenga. Their fun is soon interrupted, however, by an exasperated Xavier, who’s trying to find a way to divert the asteroid and save the world so he can have a future with Evie. But no matter what way he looks at it, it’s all coming up catastrophic event.

Speaking of bleak outlooks, Case Cory or Cory Casey, the hoverboard riding CEO of Cybermart is back with some exciting news: He’s dissolving the Seattle branch of Cybermart and assigning all the employees to other branches. It’s not such bad news for Evie, who landed a promotion to head the “Givers and Getters” program based out of the Tacoma branch, but less great for Hank, who’s off to volcano territory in Arizona, Kareema, who’ll be in Detroit (she doesn’t like the idea of being in a state that’s shaped like a mitten — it’s too cute), and it’s truly horrible news for Deirdre, who’s being shipped off to Siberia. Who knew Cybermart had such a long reach? Anyway, she’s to take up residence in a town one guide book described as “an unyielding landscape of frozen doom.” Yikes. It’s also especially bad news for Hank and Deirdre’s recently rekindled love.

Not to worry, Evie (as always) has a plan! The gang heads down to the Tacoma branch to convince their counterparts to quit their jobs in pursuit of their life-long passions, thereby allowing the Seattle crew to step into those positions. It doesn’t take them long to discover that Hank’s Tacoma double, Frank, loves candle making. Unfortunately, Frank’s candles smell… well, really terrible. So terrible, indeed, that they render everyone in the cafeteria unable to eat their lunch. Bingo! Why not use them for this specific purpose? Kareema whips up a website over night and the gang presents “Frank’s Diet Candles” to the candlemaker the next day. The site already has 186 sales at $20 a pop. Just like that, Frank quits his job, and Hank can step in.

According to Dierdre, her equivalent is “a complete nightmare” — but actually she’s a pure delight. She spends her whole day improving everyone else’s with non-stop activities. Soon enough Hank is hooking her up with a position as a cruise ship activities director via his uncle. Two down, one to go.

But the third won’t go down easily. Kareema’s counterpart, Carrie, is rather secretive. She seems to have zero interests — not macaroni sex, nor ketchup drinking. But after Hank installs a tracker on her phone and the gang follows her to a barbershop that has a sneaky basement club, they discover she moonlights as a magician alongside her coworker, Craig. It just so happens Deirdre used to date David Copperfield, so she arranges an apprenticeship for Carrie. And problem… not solved. Turns out Carrie’s actually passion is her co-worker, Craig, not wands and bunnies. Accepting defeat, Kareema does a nice deed and sets the couple on a date.

The crew heads back to the Seattle branch to clear out their desks, when Sweet Tea stops by. While the Cybermart employees have been grappling to save their jobs, Sweet Tea’s been told by his new editor to publish his hit piece on Xavier. She delivers this perfect line about Xavier and someone else whose name won’t be mentioned (á la Meryl): “He is a model of the typical post-election American. Totally terrified that the end of the world is coming via a fiery orange nightmare barreling straight toward us.” Anyway, she wants to bring in a legit scientist to debunk the theory. Re-enter Tyra DeNeil Fields — yes, the same professor Fields who threw Xavier’s paper in the trash episodes back. Now, Sweet Tea has come to show Evie the professor’s findings.

NEXT: Xavier goes undercover to save the world

Meanwhile, Xavier has discovered that if they launch a shuttle with two ion-beam shepherds (say what now?) in the next 11 days, the asteroid won’t collide with the earth. He’s just going to need $1.5 billion to get his plan in motion. It’s lucky that Evie’s boss just happens to be a billionaire with a passion for space tourism. To get close to Cory Casey, Xavier dresses up as his chauffeur and drives him around for the day. Noticing that Cory always takes a seemingly-random detour past a specific house every day, Xavier decides that figuring out the house’s significance will be the key to getting close to the billionaire and having him listen to his theory. He figures out that Cory’s teenage sweetheart used to live in the house, so he tracks her down and sets the pair up on a date. It works! Cory is so delighted that he hears Xavier’s theory and even sets him up to crash the head of NASA’s dinner date in Houston the next day to present it.

When Xavier gets back to his trailer he discovers an excited Evie packing all of his beanies so they can go on that trip to Iceland to see the Northern Lights after all. In the end, Evie was the one to quit her job; she gave it to Kareema after she realized that Kareema’s true passion is helping others — even if she’d never actually admit it. But Xavier can’t go to Iceland right now because he has to get to Houston. Evie tells him that he doesn’t and shows him Professor Fields’ research that Sweet Tea brought her: His theory is wrong. Xavier sits down to read it, but he can’t accept it as truth. Evie tells him that once and for all he has to decide what’s more important to him: obsessing over the theory or their relationship. She heads off to the airport, saying she hopes he’ll meet her there.

As Xavier flips through pages of scary looking equations and graphs he reads the line “theta must be between zero and pi” (huh?) and realizes his math has been wrong all along. After saying “I’m wrong” 17 times with increasing relish, he finally exclaims it with joy. Now he can spend a lifetime with Evie — he better get to the airport stat! Only Jesse has other plans for him. Under the ruse of driving Xavier to the airport, he gives him some water laden with horse tranquilizer, (he’d bought as a backup tactic to get to Cory Casey) and now Xavier’s passing out and being driven to Houston instead. Jesse thinks Xavier’s the smartest person he knows and needs to have the NASA guy double-check that the theory is truly wrong. Taking off without Xavier, Evie’s plane jets right past a HUGE ASTEROID HEADING RIGHT TOWARD THE EARTH…

…Because Professor Fields lied! When Sweet Tea gets home, the professor is there and demanding his cooperation. She wants to know everything he knows about the theory. You see, she altered the math so that it won’t get further traction with the media, but in truth, the math is accurate. It’s a credible threat and she needs to talk to whomever came up with it immediately; the fate of the world might depend on it.

Will Xavier, NASA guy, and Fields be able to stop the asteroid in time? It’s the finale next week, so either we’ll find out then, or we’ll be left with a suspenseful season (series?) ending cliffhanger. My money’s on the latter.

Episode Recaps

A romcom on The CW, No Tomorrow features Tori Anderson as Evie, who meets Xavier (Joshua Sasse), a free-spirited man who thinks the world is ending.
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  • 10/04/16
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