''Nip/Tuck'' recap: Sean faces a TV critic

Entertainment Weekly got a lovely little shout-out this week on Nip/Tuck. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say ”lovely.” Entertainment Weekly got an ugly little shout-out this week on Nip/Tuck. As the episode began, I thought the magazine being read by Liz in the break room looked a bit like ours. Sure enough, it was, though I don’t think our reviews are nearly as nasty or as personal as the one done by TV critic August Walden. Also, FYI, TV Watchers, there is no one at EW by that name. (In a weird coincidence that made me momentarily think Nip/Tuck is mad at us, the show went black just before the ending. So my TV Watch editor is going to fill in the end for me below.) In any case, Kate chose to talk to Sean about the tongue-lashing and tried to bond with him over a similar Walden attack on her. She even dared Sean to confront Walden at the coffee shop where he normally writes. I’ve said this before, but I really have had enough of this lady. This better be a one-season kinda deal for Paula Marshall.

Well, Sean went through with it, only to find that Walden was a scary little troll of a man, full of anger and resentment. I hope this isn’t really what the show’s producers think of entertainment journalists. True, some critics are unfairly unkind and envious, but that doesn’t represent anyone at EW or EW.com. I guess they had to use a magazine title for the show. In fact, it was Sean who revealed the ugliest side. His comments about Walden’s appearance and motivation were simply cruel. Sean still attempted to make things at least marginally better for Walden with a little free surgery (in exchange for a nicer review, apparently). I had a feeling, though, that the angry critic wouldn’t be able to escape his past, and indeed, he was disfigured with scalding-hot coffee by yet another revenge-fueled actor. I love how Sean just kinda stood by, like, ”Well, that sucks. I tried. Catch ya later!”

Speaking of cruel, Matt also didn’t come off as exactly sympathetic either. But his story line was surprisingly funny. Sean and Christian had performed six (!) surgeries on Rachel, Matt’s burn counselor and girlfriend, and nothing much had changed. The fellas were afraid that Matt was in over his head and not prepared for a relationship with someone with so much baggage. Then Rachel told Matt she had decided to return to Israel without him. He stormed out after saying viciously hurtful things to Rachel about her appearance. Fueled by revenge, he slept with one of Christian’s patients. The two had sex like rabbits, but in a postcoital confession, she revealed that Christian was her father! Oh, Matt. He’s slept with a transsexual, a Nazi, a porn star, a suicide-bomb victim, and his half sister. Maybe the dude should try Match.com? The kicker to all of this craziness? They seem to want to keep seeing each other. Um, helloooooo. Incest. As Amy Winehouse would put it, ”No, no, no.”

Julia meanwhile was completely deteriorating because of Eden’s poisoning. She even started losing her hair. I’m not sure I believe it would take so long for the doctors to figure out what was wrong with her. Also, wasn’t the scene between Julia and Olivia, in which Julia confessed her affair, oddly and unnecessarily confusing? The editing just threw the whole thing off, if you ask me. It had been so long since Olivia’s last appearance that I actually had forgotten about her character. Did she always have bangs? These are the important questions that haunt me during television shows. But thankfully Julia finally got her hair samples tested and learned she was being poisoned with mercury. It took long enough! And what was going on with Eden’s hair in this episode? She looked like Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science. Not good.

(Editor’s note: Here’s what happened after Tim’s cable blew out: Christian walked in on Matt and his sister as they were going into a clinch, but Matt chose not to tell Christian anything. And after being confronted with evidence, Eden pretended she was going to let Julia turn her in, then shot her instead. Even in Julia’s condition, it seemed implausible that she would let her guard down like that.)

What did you think of last night’s Nip/Tuck? Will Eden get away with murder — or at least aggravated assault? Will Matt and his little sister ride off into the sunset together without telling Christian their dirty little secret? And will Sean continue on Hearts ‘n Scalpels, or is he too sensitive to criticsm?