While Olivia and Julia's lovemaking nearly goes viral, Matt and Kimber consider appearing in adult films; plus, Kate gets too freaky for Sean


”Nip/Tuck” recap: Everyone gets freaky

Okay. I love me some Nip/Tuck, and I particularly love the guest stars that they are able to land — Vanessa Redgrave, Rosie, Catherine Deneuve. But Queer Eye‘s Jai Rodriguez? Really? I know he has Broadway background, but I have just a little trouble accepting him as an actor. To be fair, I didn’t truly believe Carson Kressley’s role in the Hilary Duff flick The Perfect Man, either. I discriminate equally in terms of Queer Eye alums. The ”culture guy” from the Fab Five played Eden’s BGF (best gay friend), who had a seriously enlarged nipple. We’re talkin’ silver-dollar-pancake size. Anyway, Christian refused to operate on the nipple-ly challenged fella until Eden threatened to tell Sean about Christian and Julia’s little tryst. She’s an enterprising little lady! Not content with simply getting her friend free surgery, she also tried to con Christian into doing some free lipo by threatening to release footage of Julia and Olivia having sex. Did I mention that Olivia is her mother? I think that’s worth repeating. Grossssssss! Anyways, Eden finally appeared to get her comeuppance as Christian turned the tables on the manipulator and accused her of stealing medications from his office. Eden was sent to rehab, and it looks like things will be a little quieter around those parts.

Aside from Jai, the real bummer of the episode was the emphasis on Matt and Kimber. This story line just feels too dark for this season. Also, Matt was never such a prince to look at, and the crystal meth certainly ain’t doing him any favors. The good news is Kimber turned down a meth dealer who wanted sex. The bad news is instead she wanted to return to the porn industry. She went to visit her old boss (The Dukes of Hazzard‘s John Schneider, who appears to be on the Patrick Dempsey older-is-better aging plan), but it was Matt who ended up getting an offer to star in a gay movie called First-Time Fairies. Show of hands, who wants to watch Matt in a porno? The silence is deafening. I did love the scene with Kimber ripping up the carpet for a few quarters she could feel with her bare feet. Matt eventually decided to try his luck as an actor, but Kimber arrived in the nick of time with word that the Church of Scientology had offered to take them back, and that was enough to make Matt change his mind. One nagging item: Matt walked out of the soundstage in a robe and slippers. Where the hell were his clothes? And can the dude really afford to leave behind wardrobe? Not so shockingly, Kimber finally succumbed to their meth dealer. Every scene in that household just makes me feel dirty.

In other news, I still hate Kate (Paula Marshall). What a downer! After she caught Sean thinking about someone else during sex, she encouraged him to tell her what his fantasies were. Lo and behold, it was a schoolgirl fantasy. Hmmm. What or who could have brought that on? So Kate did her best ”Baby One More Time” impression, and the two went at it like animals. By the way, is this the season of Sean/Dylan Walsh’s body? I feel like other seasons were all about Christian/Julian McMahon, but this one is awash with gratuitous Sean body shots. Not that I’m complaining. Anyway, Sean and Christian were introduced to the world of interracial swingers’ parties by one of their patients (Soul Food‘s Boris Kodjoe), and of course, the newly freaky-deaky Sean was tempted. Basically, the party was a houseful of white soccer moms and their husbands and young black professionals. It all looked very ’70s, complete with Kodjoe hosting in a silk robe. My favorite moment: A suburban husband saying to his wife: ”Come on, Lois. Show him what you’re workin’ with!” Later — hallelujah — Sean and Kate finally broke up! Turns out, he couldn’t deal with how freaky-deaky she is. And then he admitted what we all were thinking: Her hot-tub diarrhea was too disgusting to forget. Speak the truth, Sean.

What did you think of last night’s Nip/Tuck? Will Sean and Kate get back together? Is Eden on the way out? And are you looking forward to seeing the reality-show version next week?

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