Sleeping with Eden leads Sean to drugs, wacky rejuvenation treatments, and the middle-age blues; plus, Olivia and Julia are robbed at gunpoint, and Kimber leaves Matt

By Tim Stack
Updated December 12, 2007 at 05:00 AM EST


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”Nip/Tuck” recap: Eden messes with Sean’s head

The sex-montage gauntlet has officially been thrown down! Mercy. That opening sequence of this week’s Nip/Tuck made me a little flush. Eden and Sean finally got it on in pretty much every room of his house — even in what appeared to be the kitchen. But then Eden dropped him like a big old hot potato. With gray pubes. It was kinda hilarious. A welcome return of the mean, manipulative Eden.

Not so welcome was the return of Matt and Kimber, who pleaded with Sean and Christian for help. The two docs, though, were none too interested in helping the recovering meth heads. Nor did they keep their opinions to themselves. My favorite? ”Have you looked in the mirror lately, Kimber?” asked Christian. ”Your face looks like a fraternity couch.” Nice one! Kimber later returned to the office and promised Christian that she would break up with Matt if Christian would give her a little plastic surgery touch-up. He did, and Kimber returned to the industry that made her a star: porn. Cut to her hooking up with Ram Peters (John Schneider). Poor Kimber. Is there any character more tragic on this show? I honestly felt sorry for her, especially when she left Matt. Although now that Matt is struggling with meth addiction and working at Burger King, he might officially be the more tragic character. Even more sad, the dude attempted to set up his own homemade meth lab but ended up setting himself on fire and diving into the motel pool. Do we think he’s dead? Show of hands: Who wants the most lame character on the show to live?

Besides their son and daughter-in-law, the fellas had to deal with a real crazy in the form of an old man who claimed to have alien technology embedded in his body. Sadly, it appeared that the chip was nothing else than a tracking device installed by the old fella’s daughter. His hallucinations were a result of Alzheimer’s. But then — and this was not hard to see coming — it turned out he might have been telling the truth! Nice try, but this story line was just filler. Not interesting in the least. And a little too X-Files for Nip/Tuck, frankly.

Speaking of bodies, Aidan (Bradley Cooper) finally returned — and sans clothes. He and Sean had a hilarious moment where Aidan performed various yoga routines in a glorified Speedo. Why isn’t Bradley Cooper a bigger star? The fella is good-looking, funny. He’s like a more interesting Josh Lucas. Then they shared an awfully homoerotic scene of holistic health treatments. This show has never met a shirtless scene it doesn’t love. Aidan invited Sean to a rockin’ party at his place, where Sean indulged in some strip quarters, making Eden jealous. Very funny. The two had a rockin’ sex montage again, but this time they added a little Ecstasy, which Sean had an adverse reaction to. (Is it me, or does Eden seem like a younger Charlize Theron mixed with a younger Michelle Pfeiffer?) It all led to a fantastic scene between Julia and Eden in which Julia really let her have it. Finally Julia is standing up for herself, which leads me to her story line.

Things took a darker turn for Julia and Olivia. While arguing at the ATM, the two were abducted by a criminal. For once, Julia was the tough one: She really held it together during the whole hostage situation; Olivia could not stop crying. The entire scene was one of the more harrowing moments ever shown on Nip/Tuck. It reminded me of that episode in which Matt was held hostage by his girlfriend’s Nazi father. Luckily, Julia and Olivia escaped without physical harm. But in a not so surprising twist, Julia decided to arm herself and began morphing into Jodie Foster in The Brave One. A trip to the gun range also allowed Christian to cop another feel. Is there anything more cliché? I almost would have rather seen them paw each other during a golf lesson. Or the batting cages. The bonding over guns reignited the flames between the two of them. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, quite frankly.

What did you think? Is Sean going to become a dirty old man? Is Eden out of his life? Will Olivia and Julia’s relationship recover, or has Julia decided she needs a man (even if it’s Christian)? And was that alien-abductee subplot too wacky, even by Nip/Tuck standards?

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