''Nip/Tuck'' recap: The boys try reality TV

It was really only a matter of time. Everyone has one these days. I’m surprised it took Sean and Christian this long to get a reality show. On this Very Special Episode of Nip/Tuck, the boys made the pilot for Plastic Fantastic (whose theme song is still in my head). I was a little nervous about this conceit, quite frankly. The show already had a bunch of showbiz in-jokes through Hearts ‘n Scalpels, and this seemed like too much of a good thing. I was wrong. This was one of the most entertaining episodes in a long time. So much was good. Where to start?

First off, the camera work was hilarious. I loved the faux-documentary-style shaky cam and overly dramatic music score. And the intercutting of images, like when Sean said Christian was missing one time because he was in bed with a belly dancer — cut to B-roll of bedazzled women and Middle Eastern music. Hilarious.

The show was supposed to be solely about Christian and Sean, but of course their personal lives sneaked in. Sean and Christian’s patient was an aging male escort (Christian, meet your future!) who knew about Christian’s moonlighting. The old guy didn’t want Western anesthesia, so the boys called in Olivia to provide acupuncture. And that’s when the fun began. It came out that Liz doesn’t think Julia is really gay, which angered Olivia. (”Julia is as gay as a jicama salad,” Liz offered as an apology.) Liz was particularly hilarious through the entire episode, mugging for the cameras in the reality interview segments. Then the male escort started threatening to reveal Christian’s secret identity as a gigolo, so Christian put him under real anesthesia. This was all more fun than any episode of Dr. 90210 that I’ve seen. I’d like to see Christian and the older gigolo square off again in a future episode.

And, of course, we saw the return of Eden. I loved the fact that all of her profanity was covered up by the reality-show producers with goofy noises and random animation. Smiley face! Donkey! But the villainess actually showed some signs of humanity on this episode. Could this be a turn for her, or is she just manipulating everyone yet again? Her return naturally stressed everyone out, particularly Julia. Hidden cameras, courtesy of Fiona’s PR protégée Bliss (Leslie Grossman, from producer Ryan Murphy’s previous series, Popular), caught her accusing Liz of having a crush on Olivia. But let’s talk about Bliss: Loved her! Hopefully, this little PR girl will be returning. My favorite moment with her was when she brought in I Love New York‘s own New York to give Christian advice. The best detail: While New York was being interviewed, there was a deli sandwich and a bag of chips sitting in front of her. I don’t know why, but it just felt sooooo right. New York told Christian that if he truly wanted to be the star of the show, he had to be way more dramatic, and that lady knows drama. Christian phoned up Julia and claimed to have seen Liz and Olivia kissing. And that’s basically where everything went to hell in a handbasket. Poor Liz. She was the one I felt most sorry for this whole episode. She seems to truly want to be with Olivia, while Julia still just seems like a lost soul looking for anyone who will comfort her. It’s just like what Liz told Christian: In a perfect world, he would be with Julia, and Liz and Olivia would be together. But the world ain’t perfect. Far from it. If everything were perfect, there’d be no need for plastic surgeons.

All the lesbian drama aside, Julia and Olivia have one amazing closet. I mean the two must have doubled their wardrobes, since they look about the same size. And damn! Each scene is like a shot out of the Barneys catalog. But I digress….

After seeing the Plastic Fantastic pilot, the boys decided to fire Fiona and Bliss to get out of their contract, but then Bliss told them they didn’t test so well with TV audiences. One viewer commented that the show ”jumped the shark in the first five minutes.” Sounds like something an early naysayer might have said about Nip/Tuck.

Sean and Eden had an incredibly creepy bedside scene near the end where he kissed the 18-year old! Noooooooo! Awkward. Very, very awkward. By the end of the episode, it seemed he was starting to believe her and trust her. Hasn’t he read Lolita? Did he not see any of the three Amy Fisher TV movies? Not even the one with Alyssa Milano? (That was my favorite) Nothing good can come of this.

What did you think of last night’s Nip/Tuck? Are Sean and Eden made for each other? Will Julia and Olivia last? Will Christian’s night job get him in trouble?