Nick sets Schmidt’s bachelor party for Tokyo and turns the loft into an Airbnb to raise the funds.

By C. Molly Smith
January 26, 2016 at 11:31 PM EST
Ray Mickshaw/Fox
S5 E4
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New Girl got some houseguests this week, or rather Airbnb guests…

Nick transformed the loft into an Airbnb, renting out Jess’ room while she’s sequestered for jury duty to pay for Schmidt’s bachelor party. He soon rents out all the rooms because he decided to hold Schmidt’s goodbye to single life in Tokyo — and already bought the $9,000, non-refundable plane tickets.

This is all in an effort to outdo a college friend, Todd, who is incredibly wealthy and could pay for the shindig. But Todd is absolutely annoying — cut to him paying Apl.de.ap from The Black Eyed Peas to hang out with him so he can look cool — so Nick doesn’t want him to be ANY part of it. Hence, the Airbnb goes into full swing.

Here are the “loft”-iest moments from “No Girl.”

Schmidt’s perfect bachelor party. Todd proposes that the bachelor party, or as Nick continually calls it “bachelors party,” be in Vegas, so Nick, the best man, plays the one-up game and exclaims that it will be in Tokyo. Schmidt is moved to tears, as it’s the perfect place for him. How so? Nick later asks Schmidt how he imagines his dream “bachelors party,” to which he responds, “Sushi, sake, honor.” (Can I come? That sounds awesome.) And no Todd, Nick adds. But coming up with the money is no easy feat, so Nick moves forward with his business venture, which proves to be quite challenging due to some, err, interesting travelers.

Brandon’s recitation of a love scene from his novel. Fred Armisen guest stars as one such traveler, Brandon, who is there to work on his novel. Schmidt gets really frustrated with him because he broke a glass after pulling one out from the cabinets with his “traveler’s hands” despite the fact that plastic cups were right in front of him. As Schmidt is cleaning up, he asks Brandon how the novel is going, to which he announces, “I’m stuck on a love scene. Ain’t that always the case?” So he proceeds to read the scene aloud, presumably to work through it. The scene is so awkward and weird, but delivered by Armisen, it’s really funny. (Watch the clip, here.)

Schmidt’s discomfort of a child actor. Other travelers include a mom, dad, and their daughter, Crystal, who has an affinity for acting. Her parents encourage her to perform in front of Schmidt, which makes him so, so uncomfortable. “Honey, no acting. I feel that you’re going to start a monologue of some sort, and I really don’t want to hear it,” he pleads. “I have no tolerance. Please, I’m begging you. Is that your moment before? Please don’t do that.” But she delivers lines from Scent of a Woman, The Godfather Part II, Rocky V, and Heat anyway — and she REALLY commits, putting on a grumbling voice, all while wearing Schmidt’s “cashmere windowpane blazer.”   

Cece’s failed attempts to help Winston’s love life. Cece steps up to the plate to take care of Jess’ boys while she’s away, but she really struggles when it comes to helping Winston with KC. When Winston sees KC post a photo with another guy, he asks about it, but his inquiry is brushed off because he’s just some guy from work. He’s still suspicious, so Cece suggests Winston post a photo with a girl to get even — a photo shoot between the two ensues. That doesn’t end well either, as KC immediately breaks up with Winston, who proclaims he needs Jess. “What can I do that’s Jess like,” she asks. “Do you want some tea or cupcakes or a cute song?” She makes tea and proceeds to give terrible advice, telling Winston it’s better this way because now he can date someone in his league. Ouch. But, she makes it up to him…    

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Winston’s wicked prank. Cece tries to help Winston work through his grief and asks him what he thinks would break this cycle of bad relationships. He’s tired of being the one that’s broken up with, the one crying over others, so he decides he wants to make KC shed some tears. “We’re going to make a girl cry today!” How so? Cece reluctantly agrees to tell KC that Winston died — yeah, for real — and when she realizes KC is seeing the guy from work that was in the photo mentioned above, she amps it up, telling KC that Winston’s last words were, “This is all KC’s fault, and I wouldn’t be dead if it wasn’t for her.” Wailing ensues, so Winston pops out from behind a bush, feeling very, very satisfied.  

Honorable Mentions:

  • The courtroom sketch of an overly eager Jess, raising her hand high up in the air, presumably to ask a question.
  • Winston’s wailing over KC.
  • A traveler confusing Nick for a prostitute.
  • Schmidt’s inability to remove gloves.
  • Todd’s disbelief that Nick and Schmidt had never been to Tokyo, because he’d been there 28 times. “Where do you get your sneakers?”  
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