Let the bachelor and bachelorette party mayhem begin
Credit: Adam Taylor/Fox
S5 E17
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New Girl aired three episodes on Tuesday, one being an encore showing of “Prince,” in honor of the late music legend. The others were new episodes, “Road Trip” and “A Chill Day In,” which center on Schmidt’s bachelor party and Cece’s bachelorette party, respectively.

Those parties were, um, unique. Schmidt decided he wanted to have a super manly goodbye to singledom, so he ditches his laid-back plans for Las Vegas, but all his tough guy efforts takes a terrible turn. Cece also ditches her night of relaxation, but her reasoning? She and Jess get really, REALLY high, and so wildness ensues.

Both parties result in sweet, genuine talks, as well as crazy, frenzied fights — but best of all, there’s a BIG development with Winston and Aly. With that, here are the top 5 moments from “Road Trip” and “A Chill Day.”

The fights. Not an angry exchange of words, this week’s episodes featured full-blown physical altercations. Schmidt and his groomsmen — note the glorious return of Rob Riggle as Big Schmidt, Nelson Franklin as Robby, and Fred Melamed as J. Cronkite Valley Forge — wind up at a bar in the middle of a desert and Schmidt provokes some locals by requesting ice in his drink. One thing leads to another and they get into a brawl, set to Katy Perry’s “Roar” with A+ slow-mo, where they lose terribly. You know who doesn’t lose terribly? Cece, Jess, and Aly. The trio end up in mall jail after attempting to steal the floor model of a $1,200 breadmaker to replace the one from Schmidt’s mother that they beat with a stick (the theft was Cece and Jess’ idea and poor Aly happened to get caught up in it). Cece loses it when a mall cop with an inflated sense of authority yells at Jess, so she starts throwing lost and found items everywhere, set to Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mack” and also with A+ slow-mo. That creates the perfect distraction for them to make their getaway.

The pep talks. As the aforementioned shenanigans are going down, best man Nick and maid of honor Jess give pep talks to assuage any doubts that Schmidt and Cece have about themselves and their abilities to make good spouses. The reason why Schmidt had been making such a big deal about having a manly bachelor party was because he wanted to prove that he was tough enough to protect Cece. Nick reminds Schmidt of how he takes care of him, saying, “You’re going to be a great husband to Cece because you’re a great husband to me.” Then, in an ironic twist, Nick can’t deal with how “unmanly” he’s being. Cece has similar doubts about whether she’ll be able to watch over Schmidt (a passive aggressive note from his mother that came with the breadmaker caused a lot of these feelings, and led to the breadmaker beat down), but Jess says that couldn’t be further from the truth. “How can you say you don’t take care of people? You’ve been taking care of me my entire life. You’re fierce, and you’re strong, and you would stand up for anyone that you love. You’re like a big, scary mama bear.” And she proves that with the mall jail escape.

Cece and Jess’ high thoughts. Jess smokes weed about every 10 years, because she gets WEIRD. What follows when she and Cece smoke in the episode are some very high thoughts. “Hey, remember Coach,” Jess asks. “Where is he?” (Love whenever they give a shoutout to the former loftee.) She soon turns to the featured programming, Anne of Green Gables, naturally. “Like why are Gilbert’s lips so sexual,” Jess asks, another poignant question, to which Cece Responds, “I love Schmidt. You know I love Schmidt, but I would throw it all away for Gilbert. I would just ruin my life for that boy.” Then Cece weighs in with another key observation, something inspired by the two wearing socks on their hands. “The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don’t work,” she says. Jess chimes in, “My hearing is so good without my glasses on. I’m a superhear-o, just eating up sounds with my ear mouth.” It went on and on and on… in the best way.

Winston and Aly kiss!! Turns out Jess is not only funny when she’s high, but she also really confuses situations, like how she assumes that Aly and her boyfriend, Tripp, broke up when they really just had a bad fight. She was so convinced that they were done that she texts Winston, who returns with the bachelor party crew to confess his feelings. Jess spills the beans about Winston’s feelings to Aly, and that’s when she and Cece discover that Aly and Tripp are still together. Then Winston comes through the door and starts pouring his heart out. Aly has to stop him, and it gets weird, but then he congratulates her on her fifth anniversary of being a cop (or “Police Navidad,” something Tripp could care less about) and that’s when Aly kisses him! (I know I’m not the only one who squealed…) Aly still has yet to break up with Tripp, but one can hope the end of them is near, as great as the animal agent jokes are.

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Nadia’s surprise. You might be wondering, where did sweet, innocent Jess get all that weed from? That’s compliments of Cece’s former roommate (and new romantic obsession of Robby) Nadia, who is VERY out there. She showed her, hmm, strong sense of spirit again when she had the bachelor and bachelorette groups kidnapped from the loft and brought onto a party truck full of strippers and disco lights. It’s the most actual partying that happens in the episode, and while it’s cute to see everyone paired up and having a good time, things do get weird, in traditional Nadia fashion. Case in point, she asks who wants the first tattoo, and Nick, who is apparently just as weird, immediately responds that he wants a shamrock on his knuckle. #SAME

Honorable Mentions:

So many to choose from this week! But here are some favorites…

  • The bachelor party crew’s need to cheer everything, including the words “noteworthy” and “breadmaker.”
  • Drunk Winston.
  • Jess and Cece assuming that a postal worker is a stripper, and subsequently catcalling him.
  • The floor model breadmaker playing “feel like baking love” over and over and over again because it has some kind of motion sensor. Jess and Cece don’t seem to understand that it has a motion sensor, or they are too high to deal.
  • Jess pleading with Cece to let her tell Aly about Winston’s feelings for her.
  • Nick’s genuine anger that he has to wait another 10 years for “High Jess.”

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