Sam again, again
Credit: Adam Taylor/Fox
S5 E14
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Jess just can’t let it go with ex-boyfriend Sam (guest star David Walton), she can’t accept the weird way things ended in last week’s episode, with her essentially being the cause of his girlfriend leaving him, so she keeps trying to make things better… but ends up making things much worse.

How so? Sam ultimately gets a restraining order against her, so naturally she’s even more determined to clear the air… and makes things much worse again. In other antagonistic relationships, Nick and Schmidt go to war with Connie (guest star Busy Phillips), the owner of a hip, new bar nearby.

Here are the top 5 “loft”-iest moments from “300 Feet.”

Nick’s doppelgänger, the nutmeg wholesaler. When Nick and Schmidt head to the hip, new bar nearby, Connie assumes that Nick is the nutmeg wholesaler she was expecting. No surprise that a trendy bar would be expecting a nutmeg wholesaler, but what is surprising is exactly how similar Nick looks to the guy when he ultimately arrives. “You have a nutmeg wholesaler vibe,” Connie says, to which Cece responds, “That’s what it is? I’ve been trying to figure it out for years!” And it is really uncanny, like they’re looking in the mirror.

Busy Phillips. The latest in a long list of standout guest stars for the season is utterly convincing, perfectly sassy, and totally hilarious as that obnoxiously hipster, but not too hipster, bar owner. Eventually, Nick calls war when he sees that the soda line in his bar has been cut and assumes it’s Connie’s doing. “What do we look like, Tonya Harding’s henchmen?” Schmidt asks when Nick demands they fight, but they move forward anyway. It turns out Connie was not responsible for the great soda line attack of 2016, but she finishes the fight anyway. She brings back the branzino they hid to stink up her bar and essentially turns them against each other… until they have a Godfather-like sit down to resolve their issues. Her monologue about why she’s not one to be messed with is also a highlight.

Sam’s love of Selena Gomez. Things really escalate as Jess tries to make amends with Sam, to the point where she ends up in the back of his pickup truck. While there, she discovers he has a fierce love of Selena Gomez, bumping hits like “Hands To Myself” and “The Heart Wants What It Wants.” He’s so committed to belting out the sultry tunes that he can’t hear the screams of Jess as he goes through a carwash, but does ultimately see that she’s there when she lands on the hood of his car and exclaims, “I’m not crazy!” Yeah, it gets that bad.

Winston’s friend v. cop face. Jess shows up to the police station to reverse the restraining order — not to sing a new song for Winston like he said better be the reason for her arrival — and proclaims that she’s not dangerous. Winston responds with a friend face and cop face. The friend face says, “That’s cute!” but the cop face says, “Girl, sit yo a– down!” and tries to teach her to use the word allegedly. (You’ll recall when Winston also has a cop voice…) He later uses the friend and cop face when he sees Jess and Sam together again, and finally announces that there is no difference between the faces — they’re the same, which is why he has to announce it.

Jess and Sam, together again. After a ton of drama, Jess and Sam finally admit that they still have feelings for each other, so all the weirdness has essentially stemmed from them trying to fight those feelings. They soon start making out while both wearing scrubs, him because he works in a hospital and she because she got drenched in the carwash, to which Jess says “I feel like I’m in Grey’s Anatomy.” (Living the dream, am I right?) All seems well until they head back to the loft and Winston tells them they must keep 300 feet apart and asks them to think about what led to the restraining order in the first place. They do and decide to stay apart… for about five minutes.

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So looks like they’re together now, which I’m not sure if I’m into, but am curious to see where it goes. Hit us with your thoughts on the recoupling in the comments below.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Jess’ “sensible voicemail” that she left Sam to help clear the air.
  • Bartenders who look like Civil War surgeons.
  • Cece drinking A LOT to test to see if their alcohol has been poisoned when Connie threatens to retaliate.
  • Nick’s impression of Schmidt, and his new nickname for Cece, “Booze Hound.”
  • Schmidt tearing up about Nick agreeing to get a valet service for their bar.

Episode Recaps

New Girl

Zooey Deschanel plays lovable Jess, who is plodding through life with a good group of friends.

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