Cam and Mitchell squabble over Lily's last name, Gloria and Jay wrestle over eternal rest, and Phil has a day of rest

By Lesley Savage
Updated March 03, 2011 at 06:15 AM EST
Adam Taylor/ABC

Tonight’s Modern Family did what Modern Family does best: It tackled some serious issues without taking itself too seriously or getting overly sappy. The main plot point of tonight’s episode (get it? PLOT point?) centered on Jay and Gloria dealing with their generous age gap and Jay’s fears of dying first and Gloria remarrying. But thanks to some perfectly timed sarcasm, and Gloria referring to the tombs in Jay’s dream crypt as drawers, the mood remained light and not too deadly. Every time she said “drawer” I couldn’t help giggling. Also, the old couple who was selling the burial spaces and wanted to get to know their “neighbors” was a hilarious touch. As were Gloria’s closing remarks to them: “I don’t think this is going to work; good luck getting someone into your drawers.” Oh, and Manny playing the role of the wise “bartender” to Jay: priceless!

Over in Cam and Mitchell land, they were dealing with the very real topic of telling Lily that she was adopted (yay!), and we learned that Cam had cold feet prior to bringing Lily home. Who would have thought that the perfect Mr. Mom would ever have had insecurities about being a parent? But it was an unexpected twist to have Cam’s doubts be the reason Mitchell left Cam’s name unhyphenated with his on Lily’s birth certificate. But after some groveling on Mitchell’s part and a little story involving two monkeys and a panda, all ended up hunky-dory in the Tucker-Pritchett house.

While Phil wasn’t exactly dealing with life-or-death issues, he did learn the invaluable (and age-old) lesson of how to talk to his wife. The women of the spa taught him that he couldn’t always solve Claire’s problems; sometimes he just has to listen and sympathize. And once Phil got home from the spa, he put what he learned to good use and was the perfect husband…for just a moment. But the moment of marital content didn’t last long: When Claire failed to notice Phil’s spa-smooth face and hands, he huffed off to the kitchen totally hurt and offended. And all was right in the Dunphy household once again.

NEXT: The best quotes of the night

Now on to some of the funniest lines of the evening:

“If you don’t use them, then all our money just goes to charity.” –Phil on his charity-bought spa tickets

“What did Oprah do now?” –Mitchell to Cam

“All right, go get your gavel, Judge Judy.” –Cam to Mitchell

“Relax, more than half the 11th grade has been in that sweater.” –Alex on borrowing Haley’s sweater

Best interaction of the evening:

“Jay, haven’t you noticed the spring in my step?” –Manny

“Oh, kids say cruel things; that doesn’t mean you’ll turn out that way.” –Jay

“No, we have something in common. I’m seeing a younger woman.” –Manny

“She makes me feel like a fifth-grader again.” –Manny

“I’ve gotta give something for my cholesterol pills to do.” –Jay, defending the amount of bacon he eats

“You buried my name so your name could have top billing.” –Cam to Mitchell after he realizes that his last name is only Lily’s middle name

“The more you spend the more you save.” –Cam on his 12-year gym membership

“Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.” –Gloria, dismissing Jay’s enthusiasm for the crypt where he wants them to be buried

“There’s enough not to like about death without adding dirt and worms.” –Jay on not wanting to be buried in the ground

“Tell them we don’t want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us.” –Gloria to Jay

“Whoa, whoa, maybe it’s all the creams; that just made sense, girlfriends.” –Phil to his posse of spa ladies

“Please, for the first month, I didn’t even bother to learn your name.” –Manny on not liking Jay when he first met him

“We need to talk about this ta-da.” –An annoyed Gloria to Jay

So, what lines did I miss? Did you like tonight’s semiserious episode? Would you rather be buried in a crypt or in the ground? And do you like kale or spinach better? And how many of you got choked up when Lily clapped at the word adoption at the very end of the episode? I did!

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