The Family really gets into the spirit of Valentine's Day...there's nothing like a little nudity, jealousy and competition to get you in the mood for love
Modern Family
Credit: Karen Neal/ABC
Mitch and Cam, Modern Family
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Fresh off their best ensemble win at the SAG Awards, the cast proved why they truly deserved the award in tonight’s Valentine’s Day-themed episode. While I loved the flirting competition between Cam and Mitchell, the Valentine’s Day “winning” war between Gloria and Jay, and of course the young Casanova, Manny, trying to woo Haley, I would have to say that the evening belonged to Phil and Claire Dunphy — or rather Clive and Juliana Bixby. I knew tonight would be good when I saw that the episode was titled “Bixby’s Back” because that meant that we got to watch Phil and Claire try to seduce each other as their painfully unsexy and unsmooth alter egos. And if you thought Phil couldn’t get any more awkward than he already is, think again. Every time Phil, or rather Clive, tries to use a sexual innuendo, he somehow manages to make himself sound even more unattractive. Case in point, this lovely interaction:

Juliana: “I’ll be upstairs, Clive, don’t take too long.”

Clive: “I never do.”

Ty Burrell nails his clueless delivery every time. And while we didn’t get to see Claire get stuck in an escalator while wearing nothing but a trench coat like last year (how could they have topped that?), we did get to see Phil waiting for Claire while lying naked on a hotel bed with nothing but roses and a strategically placed champagne bottle to cover his goods. Too bad he was in the wrong room. Would we have expected any less? Regardless, those Dunphys still know how to spice things up after 16 years of marriage! Between tonight’s high jinks and the previous episode, when their kids walked in on them having sex, they sure are a randy couple. And we love it.

NEXT: The episode’s funniest lines

Now, on to the best lines of the evening:

“I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.” – Claire, while Phil was riding around on an old man’s scooter

“Baby doll, I’ve been lying to my wife for 16 years.” – Clive (Phil) to Juliana (Claire)

“She’s had the romantic, she’s had the intellectual—how about all that in one fine little brown package?” – Manny on his plan to woo Haley

“Me, Mitchell, wedge.” – Cam to Mitchell’s assistant, who he thinks has a crush on Mitchell, then himself

“You look hot enough to cook a pizza on…in.” – Clive to Juliana

“So you could say you’re a national man of mystery.” – Juliana to Clive

“I’m usually good at catching things from women in bars.” – The smooth-talking Clive to Juliana

“Five-course dinner waiting for us at home and she’s strapping on the feedbag at Ibiza.” – The sweet-talking Jay about Gloria

“Well, pick out china and move to Vermont.” – Mitchell to Cam, after Cam tells him that Mitchell’s assistant hugged him in the elevator

“I am the second wife, Jay; why do you treat me like I’m the first?” – Gloria (hysterical)

“Shut up, I win.” – Gloria, getting into the true competitive spirit of Valentine’s Day

“I haven’t been single since I was 9.” – Haley, after dumping her latest non-Dylan boyfriend, David

“Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?” – Claire, when she heard Dylan singing to Haley outside while she and Phil were getting busy. The answer: yes, yes, she was bad enough.

What did you guys think? Was this Valentine’s episode as fantastic as last year’s? Do you wish that Dylan would give you a jar of tears? (I do hope he is back for real this time—oh, how I’ve missed his hilarious stupidity.) And finally, what were your favorite quotes of the night?

Episode Recaps

Mitch and Cam, Modern Family
Modern Family

Parents just don’t understand… and neither do kids or spouses in this hit ensemble comedy

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  • Wednesdays at 09:00 PM
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